Jump to content

being friends


Recommended Posts

does anyone feel that being friends with an ex who dumped them is a healthy sign of being able to heal? especially when the ex has moved on in another romantic relationship ...

 

i'm going through a breakup, wish for a reconciliation but know deep down that it is impossible in my situation ... at least for a very long time.

 

is NC really the only thing to do? NC sounds so negative, like cutting out someone who was part of your life for so long ... is remaining friends really a bad idea?

 

any healthy remaining friends experiences? please share

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm very good friends with a past ex. But we dated from 14/15-17. I became close with her family over those years. We had a NASTY break, I moved 3 hours away. It wasn't until I was about 20, we began talking again.

 

Both were in new relationships, and now it feels like we were never really "together". I have a lot of love for her, and her family to this day. We shared quite a bit, but its obvious all those emotional feelings, are gone, thereforeee we can have a great friendship.

 

She calls for advice about guys she's seeing, I do the same. It's nice to have a friend, that knows you on a different level too.

 

If you still have feelings for this girl, take it from me bro (Im in the same situation right now), being strictly friends, isn't going to work. It's going to take time to let go of what you DID have, move on, and be completely happy with just you again. I'm in the process of going NC, out of a year long relationship, it's definitely not easy. But the only way for you both to figure out what you really want, is to not be in eachother lives.

 

Good luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hi jsmith. I'm at a similiar place and am wondering the same thing. My therapist says that I won't truly be able to be friends with my soon to be ex until I am ok with possibly hearing about him moving on and dating someone else. The thought of which currently makes me want to vomit my soul. My current almost ex and I are breaking up because we want different things for our respective futures not because we don't love each other so I think being friends right away will be too painful. I move out in a week and a half and I'm scared of doing NC but it sounds like the right and least painful thing to do for me. And now we have to look out for #1.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

jsmith999, you and I are on the same page. I ALWAYS try to remain friends, or at least friendly. There are times when general avoidance is a good idea, but "strict NC" as many people define the term around here--hanging up on an ex who calls to say "happy birthday", or remaining silent when s/he has suffered a family tragedy--this passive-aggressive revenge was surely a concept dreamed up by a weak and bitter mind, and it never sounded healthy to me.

 

I mean, come on, people... if you're hurt by the breakup because you LOVE this person, then show the love. Do you truly want him/her to be happy, or is it really possessiveness at work in your heart?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i'm going through a breakup, wish for a reconciliation but know deep down that it is impossible in my situation ... at least for a very long time.

 

i think you can't really be friends with an ex until you've completely accepted the idea of never being together EVER again. otherwise your desire to be friends will always have a bit of an ulterior motive, and i believe that having unrequited love for someone is a pain that outweighs the pleasure of friendship. just my opinion, though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i feel strongly that you can stand tall/show class and dignity without being friends.

 

being "friendly" with an ex is, of course, ideal; unless he or she was really cruel, then you should always be friendly if you run into them or see them in group settings with mutual friends.

 

but i don't agree that being friends is always the "classiest" option, and you can absolutely hope for your ex to be happy even if you aren't friends.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

jsmith999, you and I are on the same page. I ALWAYS try to remain friends, or at least friendly. There are times when general avoidance is a good idea, but "strict NC" as many people define the term around here--hanging up on an ex who calls to say "happy birthday", or remaining silent when s/he has suffered a family tragedy--this passive-aggressive revenge was surely a concept dreamed up by a weak and bitter mind, and it never sounded healthy to me.

 

I mean, come on, people... if you're hurt by the breakup because you LOVE this person, then show the love. Do you truly want him/her to be happy, or is it really possessiveness at work in your heart?

 

agree 101%

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...