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i need advice...i dunno what to do?


super_dave0001
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ok so me n my ex talked online today, it started out rough, then eased into a understanding...i asked her if i was wasting my time trying to make a friendship thing work, and wut was going through her head, eventually she said to me that shes having to much fun n she doesnt no where i fit in the picture yet....(keeping in mind that she dumped me cause she didnt no where this realationship was going, it was becoming boring to her and rutien and the connection wasnt as strong as in the beginning which was 6 years ago...but she said she still loved me)

 

..... so i said do u wanna be friends with me like u said u wanted? and she baisically said she wanted but not right away..... she wants time to heal so to speak...

so im just trying to decide now, wut do i do? i no i give her her space, but do i eventually try to contact her down the road, or wait for it from her...?? im afraid that if i dont contact her, then she will forget about me...

 

i dont feel that this is a NC issue anymore, its kinda like time apart from eachother to see how things fall an land... on her part anyway

 

prior to these 6 years we had gone out for 6 months and she broke it off... i honestly dont remember much about back then, like if i did nc to her back then...she dated another guy and kept calling him my name and thinking of me... they broke it off and she came back to me but i dont no wut it was that i did that brought her back.....?

 

deep down in my heart i feel that she is the one for me, my soul mate if u will.... but shes just lost her way...all my friends tell me that 6 years is along time and she will probably realise she made a mistake and come back again... its just the time until that point is killing me... my heart honestly aches in pain right now as i type this not knowing how long it could be before we talk again...

 

thx for all ur support in advance

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Hi SuperDave-

 

There was nothing you did to get her back...she decided on her own.

 

You both dated eachother for six years. I strongly doubt she will ever forget about you. I do think she may move on.

 

 

I have had a few LTR and I will never forget any of them. A piece of me will always care for them....remaining friends with them was always difficult... too many memories and too much hurt on both sides... sometimes it's better to let go and move on.

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sorry to hear that u are still dealing with this but u really don't have to forgive her for something she did...forgiveness is about forgiving yourself for what u did....how you do that is is accept responsibility for what you did first to yourself, then apologize to others you have hurt by your actions and don't hide from what u did, stand up and explain everything with honesty. and don't expect a response because there is none needed. i used to hide from my fear of honesty and that was because of shame and guilt and that is just part of how we maintain a cycle of sabotaging of lives and what we want to be as a person. it is amazing how easy it is to believe in yourself again when u go up to someone and say, look u might not know this about me but this is what i did and here are the reasons. and when u state it honestly, it is amazing how people react! they believe u. its funny because when u hide things and hope people believe u they don't - they know you are lying because your behaviour shows them that. but when you reveal your flaws - it tells them you are no longer that pity soaked flameout. that u have become what you wanted to be! and that is empowering.

now to your story, if i am to understand this correctly u were in an amazing long term relationship that was filled with promise and positives and yet when u argued you felt like you 'crawled' back - that is a self-esteem issue on your part. the next part of this story i find extremely interesting - so u are in this great relastionship, but, u have self-esteem issues, and when a 'misunderstanding' suddenly happened one of u decides to shut everything down. over a misunderstanding? 4 years halted by 'miscommunication'? one would think that a solution would have been pretty easy for two people who claim they had such a great thing going. doncha think? that obviously was not the case, because look at how u state things. your ex, first doesn't even try to correct a 'misunderstanding', instead thinks the proper response is to simply stop contact with u like she was never even in a 4 year relationship and when the other person, reaches out, does what an adult that believes in things is supposed to do, she sees your actions as pathetic, pleading. oh my! that is backwards thinking. and further she 'understand' how doing that would be hurtful [silence] because she knows u and how u would react and even knew what shape you were in [and even though she had experienced similiar illness in her past - that never accounted for much]. so, it would appear to me from what u had posted is that not only did she behave in a way that was the exact opposite of what she claimed her morals and values were but even condemed you for actions u were not doing but actions she was actually doing. wow. wait, it gets better. according to your post, she got 'fed up' [what an arrogant ego indeed] and 'confessed' [and i bet it was not done in a way that would have actually have healed her - and it wasn't because she obviously doesn't feel her actions wareenttee that - wow]. after all, she did what she did because she was 'fed up'. so, this is the part of the story that everyone should pay good attention too because it is the moral of the story and underscores how important it is to respect yourself and recognize and appreciate when others respect u. in order to 'get over' this person, the person she dumped and disappeared on [i know - amazing eh - makes no sense to me either] she decides to sleep with not one, but a 'couple' of guys! and she adds the 'disclaimer' of this happened during a two month period she says her 4 year relationship ended. what a lovely way to honour her own committment to life, heart and body. and the irony is she uses the very thing, her body, to corrupt herself and the relationship when that was one of the main things she claimed was a problem in the relationship. so, add that all up. do the math. i think it is pretty obvious that there are massive issues this person needs to work on. and don't even start with the fact, that everything this person uses to 'pin' her rationale on, how the other person broke every single rule she has, when in reality, she was doing the things that he wasn't. sometimes it is impossible to understand what goes thru the mind of people. there are just some things in this world that can not be explained. just take a look at the behavoiur, actions, attitudes, values, lies, morals, etc. of what a tiny little moment in a life shows u. and it just keeps rolling along. even after stating what she did, there is no remorse [i did it because he made me, i had to get over him]. poof! nothing conttite. because it doesn't register. she's not accountable. doesn't matter. that's the real sign of what this person is all about. because even after saying that she adds that well, it's ok, because he did something too - nothing like i did - but he did something - so, its ok if i did. and it doesn't matter if the worst that he did was simply the same thing that they had done together, and that he was struggling with depression, addiction, supporting a family, etc. - there is never any mention at all about anything remotely close to how unblanced that account is - and that's because that person, in order to do these things and still, months, and months later still present things in this way..shows that it is really that person that is unbalnced. and wait, it gets better, the dumped recognizes this - knows that deep down indside her is a wonderful person yelling to get out and tries to actually help her - make her life better before she really messing up her life, and does so not to be back with her, but because he respects what she was and waht she could be. and after months, he simply gives up and really sees that there comes a time when u need to commit yourself to someone and something that actually is real to u. there comes a time when everything u believed in, shows its true colours, and there is nothing left to do but walk away and remember everything that happened and that you really don't have a broke heart in the first place because the other person never accepted your heart. its a phanton pain - that's all it is. and once u recoginze that, the pain just goes away - and does so in minutes. it disappears because it wasn't attached to reality - it was an illusion created by the other person and yourself. it simply never existed. and that is something quite remarkable and i think it is rare to experience something so unexplainable - but experiening it is like walking bare foot over fire and noticing you haven't been burnt. i am glad i went thru such an adventure. that is what life is all about. the magic and the unexplainable. life is beautiful. enjoy yours while you are on this earth no matter what path u take - it is yours and yours alone. so, i am just like this ghost - on my own and moving forward and the past is something i do not dwell on because its over - it is the past. much happiness.

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cause any problems or anxiety or worry

 

i can talk with this person without fear, anger, any negative emotion because what i kept of her was my respect for her and of her and she should know that any contact will always be simply as it should be between two people that shared some time together and have moved on...

 

that is just what i can do...that's all i am responsible for.

 

all the good things she is capable of are still inside her - and outshine everything else but i am just another person that lives in the same area and someone that expects nothing from her.

 

there is no reason to do anything other than this.

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