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am always a Friend but NEVER a GirlFriend coz am FAT !


DreamyEyes
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Dear All ..

 

I am falling in a deep sadness .. deep sarrow .. I have a problem I can't even disscuess it with my bestfriend nor my family .. This is why i am writting here..

 

I am a 25 years old girl who never had a boyfriend ... yet have LOTS and LOTS of friends - boys.

 

I am so talanted and from what i hear from lots of people around me, as they say,, i am too good to be true .. caring , loving & very proffisional .. i became a DEPUTY director a year ago bcoz i was SOOOO FAST climbing my success ladder.. Kids love me too, coz i play with them all sorts of games..

 

but when it comes to LOVE .. i am a total LOOSER !

 

Today i had a shock from a really good friend of mine we talk alot about everything, he called me saying :

 

" I have strong feelings of wanting to be inlove, I have someone but i feel i am not good for her " ..

 

Well ... for the first second i thought he was talking about ME ..

 

then he said .. its a work colleuge.. !! OUCH ..

 

him having a crush on someone , i dont care coz i never thought of him as a lover ..

 

BUT

 

i started remembering all boys i knew .. and how i was a real good friend to them ... and NONE of them .. had other feelings to me than FRIENDSHIP..

 

well .. i know the answer to that .. coz i am FAT !! not ugly FAT but i am still FAT ...

 

I have relized that men focus on women's nature,mind and spirit MORE when she is not in the "love" zone meaning not beautiful, hot or just cute..

 

I am facing the same problem and it is really killing my self esteam..

 

I really want to feel love and be inlove .. i want to have that sense of feeling .. i want to feel love and get hurt by love ..

 

I want someone i keep thinking of all day,, to exchange love notes, surprises.. hugs and kissess ..

 

In all of my crushes on my friends-byoys .. i wake up and realize that i am a BEST FRIEND and NEVER a GIRL FRIEND ..

 

i started to hate my self .. what can i do ??????????????????????????

 

start a diet ..

 

What can i do ELSE??? i am afraid that one day i'll have to seek for love from the wrong channels ..

 

plzz help ..

 

DreamyEyes..

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I think that people feel like you are a great friend and that is the message you are sending. They might feel so comfortable around you that they wiev you as a friend. Maybe you should be more expressive letting them know that you are interested in more than friendship. As to physical appearance I disagree with you. They are many overweight women who are in loving relationships.

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In my eyes this has nothing to do with your weight, it's your self esteem that cause the problem you have. There are so many people that find bigger women attractive. You obviously have loads to offer because you have so many friends. Before you diet i'd tell you that it's not your body that you need to work on first, it's your mental well being.

 

You have tons to offer from what i've read and that's positive, let's start there!!!!

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In regards to a diet.. if you think that a diet will help you gain self confidence and it's the only way to go... then go for it, and just because you failed at diets a million times, it doesn't mean that you will fail now. Hoever, I agree with Closure, it's not about the weight, it's the self esteem that needs to be worked on.

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Hey There,

 

I have alot of guy friends who would never look at me romantically either... it's just because I am kind of like "one of the guys" to them and a great bud but nothing more- that's not an insult to you in any way. For me, being a good friend to this guys is the highest compliment from them. They know me, trust me, respect me, and enjoy my company. I think it's great!

 

If you are interested in meeting someone for romance, have you thought of putting an ad online? I am by no means petite myself, (5'10" 170lbs) and there are alot of guys out there who love a plus size girl. Don't discount your outer OR inner beauty simply because you are overweight. I met my bf online and we are going strong on 4 years next month.

 

What do you think?

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I understand how you feel, I'm short (4'5" tall) and I think people dont like to date me because I am so short. It's hard and I beat upon myself about that a lot. It also doesnt help that my mother hates me for my height. She thinks I make her look bad to her friends because I am so short, so she constantly berates me about it.

 

Sometimes you just have to ignore how you perceive yourself and just think that you are a "prize" and anybody who gets you is lucky to have you. Attitude matters a lot and if you are happy with yourself, people will be attracted to you.

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How the hell can someone berate you for being short or you beat upon yourself for being short?

 

You've as much control over that as you have in deciding tomorrows weather.

 

I think that's awful.

 

 

I understand how you feel, I'm short (4'5" tall) and I think people dont like to date me because I am so short. It's hard and I beat upon myself about that a lot. It also doesnt help that my mother hates me for my height. She thinks I make her look bad to her friends because I am so short, so she constantly berates me about it.

 

Sometimes you just have to ignore how you perceive yourself and just think that you are a "prize" and anybody who gets you is lucky to have you. Attitude matters a lot and if you are happy with yourself, people will be attracted to you.

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DreamyEyes, I don't want to discourage you from exersizing or being careful about how you eat because those things are good for you, but... hellooooo??

 

image removed

 

Get the picture? Do NOT be discouraged, because there are plenty of smart men out there who fall in love based on what's in a woman's heart and mind. All you have to do is let them find you!

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I read your post....and i had to post back....

 

Look...it truly is what is inside that counts. Some men do only fancy slim women and that is OK...some women only fancy tall men....thats OK too. We all have preferences in life...if we didn't - we'd be in a whole load of trouble!

 

I am not average by any sense of the word. I have never had any problems getting men, or keeping them. I knock socks of my friends who are size 10's - simply because of who i am. Confidence and self esteem are what 90% of men go for. If you fancy yourself and knowyou are a beautiful person both inside and out - you will find that special someone....

 

Weight is weight. People can lose it, people can gain it....BBW rock!! Be different - stand out from the crowd and be proud!!!!!

 

XX

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Hey Dream-

 

I agree with everyone. It's not about what you look like. It's about what you are projecting. If you keep on thinking nobody is going t o want you because of your body...then you are right. Start to change the way view yourself.

 

I think because you don't view yourself as attractive you don't put yourself out there and let these guys know you are interested in them. So you figure you'll settle for friends becuase it's better then nothing.

 

Instead of looking to date within your circle of friends branch off. I don't know how old you are but maybe you could try dating sites and/or join clubs and groups. Do things that make you feel good and build your confidence.

 

Good luck and I understand how you feel.

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i remember the first girl i told i liked... freshman year in college. she was definitely not slim and i didn't even really pay her any attention when i first met her. but over time, she grew on me and i fell for her. some people have the most beautiful personalities and you just have to get to know them

 

on another note, i have the exactly the opposite problem you have. i'm always been extremely thin my life and having people tell you what you already know in your face can be ... a downer. every family get together, i always get several "hey, you're so skinny"... gee, thanks, i totally forgot from the last time you told me. but you know what? you can let it bother you or can take it as motivation to the gym. i've worked on my diet and exercise routing for the last 3.5 months and i've had pretty positive results. and i feel more comfortable with my body than i did before. if you want to lose weight, here's a good post made by people on this website:

 

 

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A lot of people who aren't too fat or too thin seem to get premanently friendzoned by the opposite sex, too.

 

Personally, I prefer a bit more to cuddle and a lot of blokes too. Most of the girls I've dated or been attracted to have been bigger than average and I had really amazing sex with a girl who weighed 210lbs.

 

As long as your body is in proportion, your face and personality are appealing, you will find beholders. You say you're not ugly and I believe you. In England there are many larger glamorous role models on TV and I don't think it's a co-incidence.

 

I bet you're a right stunner, really. Good luck!

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I would say that the majority of men wouldn't like a girl with no hair and I'm afraid that would include me. However, there are also probably a few men around who might even see it as attractive, just as some of us prefer larger girls.

 

There are usually beholders about for just about everyone.

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