My Family is a hoax- just realized it..

[stilarock]

At the age of 29, I realize that my Mothers side of the family are all a HOAX.

 

Let me explain from the time I was a baby my mother told me her relatives in her family ,, sister, nephews, brother, etc are all Classy, Intelligent, Wonderful People that I must cater to, respect and do what ever they want or wish of me...

 

Problem is I never saw these people much and they only live an hour away. We would only see them for christmas and thanksgiving. When we did see them they would never be friendly, ask me questions, etc. They would just make fun and tease me. Criticise me.I always felt depressed around them. One example, One time my Uncle invitited us to his pool . i was only 13 and could not swim at the time. He knew this and walked by and pushed me into the pool, he waited about 5 minutes to get me out from the water and then was laughing.. Another Example is that when I was 8-9 years old I was chubby, My Aunt took out a scale at christmas time with about 20 people over and told me to get on it, they all laughed when they saw my weight and called me fatso. I lost about 20 pounds after it happened and I think its the reason for my eating disorders..

As a child I told my mother i dont want to attend my cousins step daughters wedding shower. My mother hit and screamed at me and said I HAVE TO GO. She did hit me and made me go. I simply told her it was my cousins step daughter who I do not know and why am i being forced to go? She said I must do what the family asks of me.. At 14 of course i went.

 

As I got older, in my 20s things did not get better every thanksgiving, christmas I was still being made fun of and none of them ever had a conversation with me. If I tried to talk about something, they would just look at me and laugh or put down what I said..I made the effort to try and be friendly with them. I emailed all of them, not once did I get a reply back from any of them. Then I tried being friendly to one cousin, i told him to call me to tell me what he thinks of a movie i bought fro him, he made a schoked look and said "your phone is always busy".. He never called me.

Another time while I was in Arizona visitng a friend, I called a cousin who lived there. She reluctantly picked me up, cursed in the car the whole time. Finally i arrived at her house and she did not take me anywhere just kept me in her house. When I told her I was extending my stay in Arizona for one day because she told me it would be nice if I stayed one more day.-- I believed her, she screamed at me and told me she cant believe i changed my flight to stay one more day, whats wrong with me? then she dropped me off at the airport and told me its really crazy that I changed my flight and stayed another day.

 

 

I sent her son birthday presents and he never calls to say thank you or sends a note.'

 

At christmas time, one cousin throws paper balls at my head while I sit down. Then they all take turns criticising me. Let me add that these people are all overweight and dress like they just rolled out of bed. Im not saying anything bad about heavy people. But I am very thin and I wear designer clothes, into fashion, etc. So I suppose they dont like that about me.

 

Thers alot more to tell, but I finally realized at the age of 29 that my family is a hoax and my Mother brainwashed me into believeing they are something their not. I try to be friendly I get no response or I get rejected. Now I just cut all contact with them.

I feel like a complete fool for trying to be friendly to them and I realize I wasted my time. Why do you think my mother created this story up about them and brainwashed me? Why should I buy presents and spend holidays with people like this?

Also these are not classy, intelligent people that my mother brainwashed me to believe. None of them went to college, one of them works in a supermarket doing delievery at the age of 50. My Uncle is a HS drop out. Myself I have a bachleors degree and I work as a marketing researcher. I'm not saying I am so great. I am saying now that I am grown up I relaize all the BS my Mom made up about these people. I am saying to myself "what the was that all about?

I told my mother she can take sides with them, because I will not be seeing any of them anymore.

She says "BUT THATS MY FAMILY".. I dont understand this insaneness.

[DN]

I think the best thing you can do is just cut them out of your life. Simply never see them again - ever.

 

Getting them out of your head will be more difficult. But the fact you have succeeded despite them says a lot for your self-reliance and character. Good for you.

 

Now lose them - they are no good for you.

[stilarock]

I agree never seeing them is what I have to do. I just wish I realized all this @ 19 not 29.

I know im doing ok for myself but i do have some personality disorders, eating disorders, anger issues, and self esteem issues because of them.

 

Actually my dream was to go into acting, "they" brainwashed my mother into not letting me go to acting school or pursue it at all. I got very discouraged and listened to her.

One of the many things about my life they talked my mother into doing against me.

[DN]

I feel that you have become a stronger and not weaker person since you were nineteen. Use that strength to continue to grow. Part of that is making the determination that as long as those issues hurt and affect you - those people are still winning in some way. Don't let them win - overcome those issues so that you are the winner.

 

And if they don't know you have won - so much the better. Because the fact that you will not care if they know will be the biggest victory of all.

 

I also think it would be a good idea for you to join a local community theatre group. You don't get paid but the rewards are there all the same. I can tell you more about that if you want.

[Honey Pumpkin]

They sound awful, and agree that you should just sever all ties with them.

 

One thing though - your mother; I wonder if she was deliberately trying to convince you how wonderful they are? When I read your post, it struck me that she may have been as hurt by their comments as you were, and damaged by their nasty ways. But unlike you, she never stood back and saw that they weren't really good for her, and so she passed on to you the image that they conveyed to her.

 

Just a thought

[stilarock]

I agree, i used to care what they think alot, now since I know they are a hoax I simply dont care anymore.

I was thinking of maybe taking some acting lessons again, tell me about the theatre groups?

Thanks so much

 

 

I feel that you have become a stronger and not weaker person since you were nineteen. Use that strength to continue to grow. Part of that is making the determination that as long as those issues hurt and affect you - those people are still winning in some way. Don't let them win - overcome those issues so that you are the winner.

 

And if they don't know you have won - so much the better. Because the fact that you will not care if they know will be the biggest victory of all.

 

I also think it would be a good idea for you to join a local community theatre group. You don't get paid but the rewards are there all the same. I can tell you more about that if you want.

[stilarock]

I think my mother was totally brainwashed by her sister and in a very emotionally abusive relationship with her.

I just think she was in denial and trying to create this fantasy world that she had a wonderful family. She still is involved with them despite everything thats happened.

 

They sound awful, and agree that you should just sever all ties with them.

 

One thing though - your mother; I wonder if she was deliberately trying to convince you how wonderful they are? When I read your post, it struck me that she may have been as hurt by their comments as you were, and damaged by their nasty ways. But unlike you, she never stood back and saw that they weren't really good for her, and so she passed on to you the image that they conveyed to her.

 

Just a thought

[valenski]

I think I kinda know what your going through stilarock, every christmas my family gets together to compair there kids. Pompus and proud they'd declare "my gil is working here" or "my shawn just finish that degree", it sickens me I always feel like an under achiever and I hate it then they'd hypocritically ask "so val what have you been doing?" then pretend to listen intently while critizising everything I say. So its not just your family that aint so great but thats family you cant live with 'em and you cant swap 'em.

[DN]

Community Theatre is what I do for relaxation. It is usually of a fairly high standard even though no one gets paid. Many groups offer acting classes or you learn as you go along. There are also many backstage jobs to do from designing sets, costumes, lighting and sound, to operating the sound and light boards, stage managing etc etc. It's a great way to meet new people and also have the challenge of being part of a creative team.