Think I have issues with commitment

[Jonboy582]

Hello, not really anything major but this feeling has been bugging me a bit lately.

 

In my latest relationship, I have found a really really nice girl, who although we haven't been together for ages we have been officially "going out" for 4 months, but been together like 5 and a half.

 

Well this girl, I love her to bits she is so amazing, and from what I can gather feels the same way about me and she says the cutest things that make me all warm inside, but that's besides the point.

 

The problem lies, I want to get closer to her, and let my self grow more emotionally attached and to a certain degree I have BUT I know one day even if its 5 years from now something will change and I will end up getting my heart broken and this is pain I don't want to deal with. Then I just end up having conflicting emotions which just gets me down.

 

I don't really know what I want people to say, just erm wanted to tell someone I guess and get feedback on the situation.

[friscodj]

How do know what's going to happen 5 hours from now let alone 5 years?

 

You don't know your feelings will change...so quit worrying about it and go enjoy your time with this woman you love to bits...a lot of people out there would love to be in your shoes right now...

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Of course things will change.

 

But if you are truly compatible, the changes will be good. Or the changes will be workable. If you arn't, yes, you will split up.

 

I know what you mean about holding back for fear of getting hurt. If it helps you any, I had my heart splattered over metaphorical concrete last year, and from a point at which I thought I was dying and physically retching with emotional pain, I am now in a mutually loving relationship that reaches it's first 1 year anniversary in 3 weeks.

 

And you don't even need to be *upbeat and proactive* to get over a broken heart.

 

You just need to keep alive, and everything will eventually change.

 

But dude...you and the girl are fine right now, yah? So don't even worry. What IS the point...and if you dump her to protect yourself, you'll have just as much pain later wondering *what if I HAD risked it?*

 

Just keep on living, and hit yourself when you think undesirable thoughts. URRRMM I meant repeat a positive affirmation! yeah..

[NJRon]

I understand that feeling well. There are times in your life when you are just afraid to give up your heart.. and there are people that you run accross that you may realize that they aren't the right person to give your heart to. Both of these take time. Get to know her more until you really know if she is someone you can give your heart to. Once you make that decision, go for it. You can't let past failure hold yourself back from future success.

 

Just take your time a bit, you aren't quite ready. But no reason not to keep moving forward in baby steps.

[Jonboy582]

Yer I guess so people Im just being silly, its just trying to stop myself being silly that's hard

 

As for any problems, I am amazed we have not had 1 niggle or anything no arguments just really really happy when I'm with her. But then that makes me worried I hear about people who brake up because everything is too perfect and they don't argue enough then they get bored. Or the fact we are soo similar, it won't be a case of opposites attract.

 

Also, if I ever think something has been wrong between us or she has feelings for some bloke from the past that's all ended up good as well, what I thought were photos of her and an ex which she didn't want to show at first turned out to be something completely different (a sad story with a friend I will not mention).

 

At the moment she seems like the perfect girl, all my friends have commented on this as well, there like, "she is soo in to you, when you go out to a club she doesn't even look at other guys" I would not mind really if she did, but that's a HUGE comfort to me as I get paranoid due to things that have happened before.

 

Another thing she properly opened up to me last night when we were in bed, and it made me really happy (I actually cried a little because she shared a VERY SECRET problem with me, she could actually trust me enough). Was a happy tear but upset for her at the same time, kind of weird.

 

Look at me sorry I'm going on loads, and I bet almost everyone hasn't bothered to read to the end (I know I would not have hehe)

[friscodj]

Hey JB-

 

Find something else in your life to worry about and let this relationship roll already!

 

P.S. What's a niggle and how many of those can you eat in one day anyway?

[NJRon]

People don't always break up because they don't argue. They do sometimes break up because they don't agree and never discuss it. If you are in agreement... there's not really much to argue about. But, no reason to not sit down and confirm whether you two are seeing eye-to-eye on everything... It's always a good thing to check-in

 

As far as reading to the end.. so far so good. It really sounds like you have been burned before and are afraid you are going to be burned again. Life is about risks. Some of the best decision makers take calculated risks. They weigh the pros and cons and decide whether the pros are large enough to outweigh the risk they are going to have to take.

 

Once they determine that the risk of reward outweighs the risk of failure... then they go for it... wholeheartedly. There is no such thing as a half-hearted attempt at success... only at mediocrity. So... sit back and decide for yourself whether this is a calculated risk you are willing to take because the potential payoff is worth it. If it is... go for it... if it isn't, better to not drag things out. It's not fair to her to not have your heart in something when she does...

[Jonboy582]

P.S. What's a niggle and how many of those can you eat in one day anyway?

HAHAHA that made me laugh, well either you were being serious and don't know what that is (probably due to you possibly living in the US and it being a British phrase)

 

Well if you don't know it means a small problem, something petty but annoying like you spent time organising your CD collection into alphabetical order (just thought I would add I have never organised anything) but someone has put the CDs back in the wrong place.

 

Erm as for finding something else to worry about, I will start with this annoying (rather large) burn on my arm, where when I went clubbing someone accidentally stubbed their cigarette out on my arm. It's really itchy and starting to blister

[NJRon]

Wow.. I have a lot of niggles then....

 

painful burns and itchy rashes are always great places to start

[Jonboy582]

So... sit back and decide for yourself whether this is a calculated risk you are willing to take because the potential payoff is worth it. If it is... go for it... if it isn't, better to not drag things out. It's not fair to her to not have your heart in something when she does

Don't worry my heart is most deffinately in it. I guess I just feel insecure that she will stay like she is and my feelings become deeper and I end up hurt like what has happened in the past.

 

I think I will just go in with 2 feet and try and not think of the consequences, because at least the I will be more happy for possible ever or atleast until the end of the relationship, and if she doesn't end up feeling the same way and I don't know, atleast ignorance is bliss.

[NJRon]

Yeah... well... I think that's the best thing yo can do... if things don't work out, you can deal with that later... sometimes acting oblivious to potential future consequences is the only way to enjoy what you have now... and, what you have now, seems to be pretty darn good.

 

Enjoy it for what it is

[whoops]

okay so i feel pain now but to love is such a great feeling you have to go through it - it is worth it and yeah pain maybe but if you dont take risks you will regret it -