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My sister (HELP)


lovecrazy
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is a recovering drug addict.

 

She was on cocaine and meth, for a few months (maybe longer) she got so bad that, she would stay up for days, then sleep for days. So she would miss work, so she lost her job, that she was at for 4 years. And almost lost her car, cell phone, and her family. THis all happened maybe Feb to May of this year, then finally in June we told my mother exactly what was goin on.

 

Now from may-august she didnt have a job, so my mother was dishing out the money for her car payment. And my brother hired her to clean his house, and do odd jobs, so they paid her car payment.

 

Well now she has a waitressing job, and hopefully is making enought to pay her car payment. But what I am worried about is that she is doing drugs again, because she is sleeping alot more again, she is moody as ever.

 

Problem is I am never at my parents house, I live with my boyfriend so I am not sure exactly what is going on.

 

What reality checks can I give her, to keep her motivated? I am not very good at the support thing, I hate hearing whining about this and that. Her car note is in my mothers name, and I told my mother if she didnt have her car payment by the end of the month, that I would take her car, and make it mine. If I have to pay it I am going to be ticked off.

 

My mother asked my sister the other night, "Are you still on coke?" Her reply was "you keep asking me, makes me want to do it again" I am sorry but that is jsut a bad ploy to get my mother off her back!

 

I know I sound so inconsiderate, but this bull crap that my sister has been putting my mother through has been the basically the same thing over the past few years, there were a few years where we had nothing to worry about when it came to her, she got up and went to work. But now its like she is too "depressed" to go to work, or move forward in her life.

 

I am tired of her making excuses, and just plain tired, also to top it off, my step dad has left for good (not due to my sister, he just needed to go) He would like to blame things on my sister and I. Granted I want to beat my sister, for all the crap she does, but she is still my sister. I love her with all my heart, but enough is enough. time to grow up

 

Basically my rambling on is a cry for help on how to get my sister on the right track, what steps can I take. Putting her in rehab is kinda outta the question, she wont go. I work for an organization that I could get her in one, but there is a problem with her bills, I cant afford to pay her car payment, and neither can my mother.

 

I am sorry for the rambling but I am sick of this, and she needs help.

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Hey Win,

 

I am sorry that you are going through this with your sister,

 

I can just imagine that it is very difficult,

 

She needs help and she needs it now,

 

Here's a 24/7 Cocaine hotline if you are in the US: 1-800-453-2124

 

Here's their website: link removed

 

"Cocaine Abuse and Addiction is a debilitating disease, affecting family relationships, work relationships, and the overall quality of life. There is still hope, no matter how desperate a situation may seem. Whether your struggling with the disease of addiction yourself, looking for the signs of Cocaine Abuse in a loved one, or looking for a treatment program that is right for you or a loved one, please call our Cocaine Hotline. If you or a loved one is suffering from an addiction to Cocaine, please don't hesitate to seek help. Our counselors are standing by 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, to help you through these difficult times. You are not alone."

 

The site discusses treatment options,

 

I realize that rehab may be beyond an option,

 

But maybe if you call this number, they can give alternatives.

 

Hugs,

 

Rose

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Hey Win,

 

What a difficult situation for both you and your family. It's very hard to comprehend when a loved one is addicted to drugs and lets it ruin their life like your sister has done.

 

Let me ask you... how did your sister get clean the first time?

 

Do you think if you asked her- she would be honest with you about using again?

 

It hard to understand, but there isn't alot you or your family can do for your sister should she be using again. Cocaine and Meth are very powerful drugs and highly addictive. It would be difficult to stay away from them if she was not committed to recovering and staying sober. You can give her resources to detox and offer to help her if she will go there, but other than that, unless she makes the choice to get clean and stay that way, you cannot change that.

 

It has to be up to you and your family to decide how much you all can take. Drugs can be so destructive to families, it's very sad.

 

There are support groups for you and your family- because addiction can affect the family so profoundly.

 

 

link removed

 

Nar Anon is a big one:

 

link removed

 

I think it's important in all of this that you and family take care of yourselves too.

 

((HUGS))

 

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

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As the others have said she is facing an addiction.

 

Meth is a growing problem in our country (usa) and especially in my area. I have never been more afraid for my children and community. Seems weekly they are busting another 'meth house'.

 

Meth is a drug similar to cocaine in that it is highly addictive and gives the same feeling as the other drug. Its a one way ticket to more than just jail time.

 

link removed is another great resource. Youc an look there to see what it is, what the effects are, how to get help, and more information. I hope it helps you.

 

YOur sister is going to need serious treatment. YOur family loves her and is trying to help but what they may not realise is that for everytime they bail her out and pay her car payment etc they are enabling her to continue to do this. Shes addicted.

 

The way to help her right now is tough love. For no one to do anything for her. The car that is in your mothers name should be taken away from her. She should have no choice but to walk. She should be forced to go into treatment (maybe your family could foot that bill instead of the others) and if she doesnt wish to go to an INPATIENT treatment place let her fall on her face. She will either get off the drugs with help or she will go further downhill.

 

As tough as that sounds shes going to have to make some hard choices. Does she want to live or does she want to die.

 

Im very sorry your going through this. I also have a step-brother that is hooked on this stuff. he has stolen from family and ruined his life so much that there are no longer any doors open to him. His two children ages 8 and 6 are in the care of familiy because he is not capable of caring for them. Their grandmother , my stepmom is in the process of getting custody of those two children. I hope that your sister doesnt have any kids.

 

Good Luck with this, oh and I dont think your being inconsiderate at all. Your sister is making her bed its about time your family stopped laying there with her.

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Well she basically said she did an out patient treatment, and she says that is one reason why she got behind on her bills...

 

And I dont think she would be hoenst with me. I am honestly at the point where I dont care what she does anymore, I love her, but I dont need dragging me down...thanks for the advice. I will check into all the links you guys posted!

 

Her job is too far for her to walk, I honestly feel she can keep her car as long as she makes the payments, and keeps up her other bills, but if she doesnt I am taking her car and kicking her out of my life, i am done dealing her period!

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At some point you have to wash your hands of it as much as it hurts you. YOu can not let her poison your life. You are going to worry about her, you are going to hear lies if you confront her.

 

From the timeline you gave its very possible shes been on it this whole time, thats why I think its time for inpatient treatment. Where she can be detoxed from it. Sad as it is alot of these people dont get off it till they are locked away in jail and have no choice but to get better.

 

Sad to say this is going to steal her youth, her beauty, her soul. Shes got to want to get help.

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Would be good seriously! I know how it feels to watch from the sidelines while family enables. Sooner or later your moms going to have to face it. Shes not helping the more she does this. Maybe get your mom to look at those sites too, namely the life or meth one... even 'google' is great.

 

See meth in particular is so new on the scene, that alot dont fully understand how serious it really is. Maybe your mom doesnt know enough about it.

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While tough love is an approach taken by some parents in response to their kids getting into serious trouble with drugs, I'm thinking it's easier to do than say. Part of being a parent is loving your child unconditionally and wanting to help them when they are in trouble. But it is so frustrating to watch a child self destruct and to feel you may be enabling them by paying for their mistakes and allowing them to continue the destructive behavior.

 

Kicking your sister out could work one of two ways, it could force her to wake up and realize what she is doing and possibly encourage her to clean it up, but is could also accelerate the road down as she is homeless and forced to look for a place to live, probably lose her job and car and the resulting depression could make her use even more to deal with herself.

 

It's a slippery slope and as a parent I am not sure what I would do- probably encourage her to enter inpatient detex and I would cover her bills while she was there so long as she worked at getting clean and stayed that way when she got out. If she did not agree to this I would consider telling her she needs to find her own place to live, because I could not continue to support her drug habit.

 

It would be a very tough call.

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*sigh* Meth is everywhere, isn't it? It is such a horrible drug...

 

I did meth a lot for years and I know first hand how addictive and controlling this substance is. I didn't care about anything at all. I would say the most horrible things to my mother, I didn't care about my job, nothing. I would call in sick to get high all day, it was so terrible. I snapped out of it because I have a very scary older brother and he showed up one day unexpectantly at my druggie boyfriend's house and told me to get into the car. Let's just say he was willing to do whatever it took to get me out of there. It was really sweet but probably the most embarrassing day of my life. I couldn't believe I sunk so low that this is what it took.

 

I am one of the lucky ones. Right now my exboyfriend (and father of my soon-to-be child) is struggling with the same addiction. I have tried EVERYTHING but to no avail. Now I just have to sit back and watch him hit rock bottom and suffer, because that *might* be the only thing that will save him. It is so hard though.

 

All the other posters are right. This is a losing battle and unfortunately she is the only one that can make herself change. If she's a typical addict, she's going to take and take everything you and your family give her because she thinks she deserves it. I think it's a good thing that you are so fed up with her BS. It will help you in the long run.

 

I would check out some Alanon groups in your area...they are support groups for family and friends of an addict. This is not just her problem anymore, it's your whole family's. They are helping her disease by providing for her, and all it's going to do is destroy each and every one of you.

 

I really wish there was a simple fix. But these drugs are so addictive and brainwashing that it really is a tough struggle. Stay strong, your family will need you. I wish you all the luck in the world.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Sell the car.

It's not your fault. You need to be joint in your efforts to help her by beeing firm. You mother should stop supporting her no matter what,unconditionally, but only when she deserves respect. If this is impossible I advise you to remove yourself from this situation

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Well she has depression is she on meds for that? Its not her fault if shes not happy i have depression but i am on meds and i still do have my hard days but i am getting better, shes your sister dont push her away tell her you care and dont want to see her doing this to herself and ask her nicely if she is taking drugs again and tell heryou wont get mad if she is (and dont) if she says yes dont send her to rehab get her help like someone to talk to her and see how that goes, if she says no well she should still see someone because of her depression. What ever you do dont push her away it will make her feel worse and you might lose your sister

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I would say, sit her down and talk to her, tell her you are behind her all the way, prepared to help support and stand by her AS LONG AS she takes a drug test. If it is positive, well then you know she is lying, and if she refuses, then she is probably lying too. If she agrees to it, she's probably trying to get clean. You don't necessarily have to go through with the test, but tell her you are.

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