What is going on??

[girl_83]

Hey all, long story short....i've been with my bf for almost 2 years, everything was going great, perfect in fact until today. My bf goes to a police academy and usually comes back on some weekends. Anyways as i was going through his phone..i dont know why i do this, its a habbit i have, i dont mind him going through my phone, i got nothing to hide. Anyways as i was going through his phone i found a name under 2 letters..i asked him who it was and he said it was a female he met at the academy, he failed a class and she did aswell, he told me she seemed smart and that she would help him with his work. I flipped out...

1. I just thought, why cant he get a male to help him out, 1000 students and he decides to become bestfriends with a female

2. He told me it was a girl, i flipped out..then he changed his story and told me it was a guy..i argued and went even more psycho yelling at him to say the truth b4 i ended the relationship (i know i know, not the best way of handling the situation but i was extremely angry)

3. He tells me shes 28, with 3 kids..and to be honest..i dont buy it at all. That academy is known for its not so decent females

 

Anyways we had the biggest fight tonight...him calling me the ugliest names..and then me crying, and then i flipped out and hit him...pretty hard I've done that on a few occasions..and i know, i shouldnt...im far from perfect and i know i need help. Hes not perfect himself...i just dont know what to do now...everything was perfect until today...we were even talking about getting engaged once he finished his diploma at the academy. What is wrong with me??....i even said to him that i had a feeling hes been cheating because he seemed to get to defensive everytime i nrought up the subject....he had a picture of me in his wallet. As soon as i mention using the liar detector test before we get married he ripped up my picture and started crying..saying how i dont trust him and that im putting too much stress on him when he's already got waaaay too much stress in his life. He even said he wanted to kill himself because of all the {mod edit} he's going through..and how im just causing more stress. I LOVE this guy sooooo much, i'de give him my life if i had to...how do i make things better again?? I dont want a break, i dont want him to not talk to me for a week...i just want to make things better asap. Its not my fault im getting so insecure...he has a messed up past, and it worries me.

 

Help me

[Momene]

Well blokes CAN get close to girls without sleeping with them but I think you both crossed the line and I don't know if/how it can be mended.

 

Good luck, you'll need it.

[annie24]

I agree, i think you may have crossed a line. why don't you trust him?

 

has he done anything else to make you doubt him? what do you mean that he's been defensive? do you have other proof that he is cheating?

 

I know that I have male friends also and NOTHING has happened between us. she just may be a classmate and study partner and that is it. and I don't think it is fair of you to be saying that the girls in his academy are of bad character.

[Jessy]

I gree with annie... how could you generalize about all the girls in his academy? Anyway... obviously you make this guy feel like he has to hide something. Going through his phone is snooping, and no guy likes that; even if they have nothing to hide. You don't trust him, that's obvious... maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship. Trust is the biggest, most important thing in a relationship. Another thing is, guys hate jealousy... think about it; if your guy was a jealous, untrusting moody poop all the time, would you be happy? Would you be inclined to tell him the truth about other guys? That's just my take on this... how old are you, if you don't mind my asking? A lot of this may have very much to do with your age (and his). Maybe you're just not ready for this kind of relationship.

[girl_83]

I gree with annie... how could you generalize about all the girls in his academy? Anyway... obviously you make this guy feel like he has to hide something. Going through his phone is snooping, and no guy likes that; even if they have nothing to hide. You don't trust him, that's obvious... maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship. Trust is the biggest, most important thing in a relationship. Another thing is, guys hate jealousy... think about it; if your guy was a jealous, untrusting moody poop all the time, would you be happy? Would you be inclined to tell him the truth about other guys? That's just my take on this... how old are you, if you don't mind my asking? A lot of this may have very much to do with your age (and his). Maybe you're just not ready for this kind of relationship.

 

I cant speak about all the girls there, but i have had friends that have been to that academy and they all said that the females there were shocking. My own bf has even said it out of his own mouth.

 

Im 23 and he is 21...if anything i know i should be the mature one, but sometimes its just hard to stay calm and not get so frustrated. I addmit it, i am a very jelous person and i hate it, i snap pretty quickly and easily..yet thats still no excuse but thats just me i guess. You cant really change who u are. I guess a big part of why i have such 'trust issues' with him is mainly because he did cheat on his ex, and he did cheat on me and addmited to it during our 3 months. I cant let this guy go, i've tried and i nearly ended up killing myself...i guess im addicted to him. Im just really upset at myself because i know i could have dealt with this situation in a more calm..mature way, but now i've gone and messed things up.

 

I need Dr Phil

[annie24]

yeah, you can change who you are, but you have to WANT to change.

 

if he cheated to you, I can see why you don't trust him.

 

and I still don't think it is cool that you are saying that ALL the girls in the academy are loose. Generalizations and rumors are not always true.

 

maybe you should break up with him while you work on yourself?

[now_better]

I guess a big part of why i have such 'trust issues' with him is mainly because he did cheat on his ex, and he did cheat on me and addmited to it during our 3 months.

 

eeks. i think part of developing a relationship is accepting people for who they are. you know his history and you've decided to continue w/ the relationship. i think you need to focus on two items: a) let him know about your relationship insecurity and tell him that he needs to reassure you that things are fine every once in a while (communication is key and doing activities that build trust also help), b) you need to learn to trust people again and work on your insecurities. the above situation imo is totally unacceptable. i could see myself not even wanting to be in the same room as someone that blew up over the smallest things. guys can have friends that are girls that they are completely not interested in... it's true, i have a few.

 

get some good self-help books from the local library or link removed on overcoming your insecurities. it'll make you a stronger person in the long run in or out of a relationship.

[pretty girl digs graves]

maybe it is just me but i want a man who will hold my hand and make me smile when the world is tearing me to pieces. i want a lover who will stand by me and not crumble and lie, even when the crowd turns the other cheek.

 

i want a guy who will hold me and whisper that i'm everything he needs - a man who will not have female friends and has a problem with that. i want to be valued and cherished. and i will give him back what he gives me in return.

 

i want that.

[girl_83]

i could see myself not even wanting to be in the same room as someone that blew up over the smallest things. guys can have friends that are girls that they are completely not interested in... it's true, i have a few.

get some good self-help books from the local library or link removed on overcoming your insecurities. it'll make you a stronger person in the long run in or out of a relationship.

 

I know, i didnt even want to be in the same room as myself after i reacted so insanely but i just cant help it, at the time i couldnt think of how i normally would think...i just panicked...i guess i was shocked. Im just not use to him having female friends. Sometimes he rubs it in...telling me he has more female friends then male friends and i think he says it to get me angry aswell even though i think he does have alot of female friends now.

 

With me, he tells me he has no problem about me having guys as friends and going out with a bunch of friends including males for a drink etc. Yet deep down he knows im not the type to socialise with males, i dont know why...that is just my strange way of thinking.. i just wouldnt want any male friends. My bf is enough for me.

 

So when he brings up the subject of him having female friends, i say to him thats fine.. i will start having male friends aswell. That i will go hang out with them and go for drinks etc. He tells me he doesnt mind...but then 2 minutes later he says to me 'i dont want to hear in 5 minutes time u telling me it was a joke' Its hard to explain...and typing it doesnt help..you just have to be there to see it, i know he doesnt want me having male friends but acts as though he doesnt mind only because he KNOWS i would never even put a guys number in my phone. I have said to him in the past that i will have male friends..but then when we make up i tell i was just joking with him. So now everytime i say it...i know he knows that im joking.

 

He is so against his past gf/s having male friends that he actually hit one of his ex's for having a msg from a guy on her phone I dont know what his deal is....everything is ok for him, cos hes the guy..but a girl isnt suppose to do anything, because its not decent. Arghhhhhhh he just frustrates me sometimes

 

Sorry, im just venting all my frustration and anger in this thread.. it helps

[annie24]

He is so against his past gf/s having male friends that he actually hit one of his ex's for having a msg from a guy on her phone I dont know what his deal is....everything is ok for him, cos hes the guy..but a girl isnt suppose to do anything, because its not decent. Arghhhhhhh he just frustrates me sometimes

 

HE HIT A GIRL FOR HAVING A TEXT FROM A GUY!?!?!?!?!

 

You need to leave him right now! that is not alright. he sounds scary! it's never ok to hit someone, especially not your girlfriend, and especially not over 1 text message!

 

he sounds scary and abusive. leave.

[Momene]

Is this Lasard's police academy?

[girl_83]

Everything is sorted out, i guess i just needed to give him a day to cool off.

[g44]

"i was going through his phone..i dont know why i do this, its a habbit i have,"

 

if u both agreed that it was ok to do that then no problem - if not, there is a trust isn't and using that u have no problem with him doing that is an excuse for u doing so

 

 

1. I just thought, why cant he get a male to help him out, 1000 students and he decides to become bestfriends with a female

 

why do u have a problem with it being female? are u insecure about your relationship or yourself?

 

2. He told me it was a girl, i flipped out..then he changed his story and told me it was a guy..

 

changing the story is bad, but maybe he was knew u were upset about it being a gurl [the honest answer] and he's the type that wants to just make u happy and just had no idea what the hell to do...he probably learned a big lesson from that alone.

 

i argued and went even more psycho yelling at him to say the truth b4 i ended the relationship (i know i know, not the best way of handling the situation but i was extremely angry)

 

ahhhhhh, i can totally relate...asking someone to do something and making them believe that it matters when in reality it doesn't! not a fair and honest way to solve problems...and that is really something u should think about - why you would do that...whoa!

 

I LOVE this guy sooooo much, i'de give him my life if i had to...how do i make things better again?? I dont want a break, i dont want him to not talk to me for a week...i just want to make things better asap. Its not my fault im getting so insecure...he has a messed up past, and it worries me.

 

u two may love each other but u both have a lot of personal problems. i wish u much success in solving them