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Are men too dense or are women too subtle


steelwool
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There are so many of us in the world looking for good, healthy relationships. Unfortunately Most people in the world are unwillingly single, but why? Are men too dense to see the signals or are women too subtle in their showing of interest? Who's fault is it mostly? What can be done to make/get better results?

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It's not a matter of people being dense, or subtle, it's this dang game playing and fear of rejection, imo.

 

If I like someone, I'll tell me within a week of me deciding I do, barring them already being taken or some such that might create a problem.

 

I think getting a date is fairly simple. Boy likes grrl/grrl likes boy/boy likes boy/grrrl likes grrrl (erm, whatever combo applies), the one person goes "hey, you're cool, can we go for coffee/drinks/whatever?" and the other person either goes "you're cool too, let's!" or "sorry, I'm taken/I don't like you like that."

 

Of course, that's only in the perfect world. If everyone was just a tad more honest with other people, and bit the bullet when it came to possibly being rejected, things would run more smoothly. Playing hard to get or doing this whole "does he/she like me? he/she likes me. he/she likes me not...." thing doesn't do anyone any good.

 

So yeah, I say it's got nothing to do with gender stereotypes and alot to do with two basic issues.

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There are so many of us in the world looking for good, healthy relationships. Unfortunately Most people in the world are unwillingly single, but why? Are men too dense to see the signals or are women too subtle in their showing of interest? Who's fault is it mostly? What can be done to make/get better results?

 

 

 

 

I think everyone has a mental image of their perfect mate and is constantly comparing that image with new potential partners. I know this is the reason why I'm still single. It's difficult, better yet imposible, to meet under the right circumstances and hit that click that both people are the perfect match. The odds are against us, thereforeeee it takes time to get to know the real person before commiting to some one which can be misconstrued as game playing. A person must discern quite a lot of information before a relationship can evolve to the next stage.

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This is really interesting - normally I think I'm wrong when someone fancies me (lack of confidence). Anyway, my anecdote it that I really liked this guy I met a while ago, but I just thought he was being nice to me, and I had got it wrong.

 

We became really good cyber friends after that, and what was good for me was to hear how much he had liked me, and how I had completely missed this, or been too unsure; and I told him how much I had liked him, and he said that I had been quite cool. It was very satisfying to have this analysis afterwards, and realise how much I had missed his clues, and how much he had missed mine. I think we were both too subtle for each other, and too shy.

 

I suppose what I'm saying is that it's rubbish to have rules about who should contact who and when, and acknowledge that we're all human and we all have our own hang-ups. I've learned from that to be more - open? Take more risks, and also be less passive. I get really confused about that, to be honest, but I so wish that I had been more clued up. Also, I think it's really hard that men are expected to do all the work and chasing, and we don't take into account that they too might be shy or reticent.

 

So I think it's not always about gender, I think that there is a huge potential for everyone to be too subtle, too dense. It's either sad or liberating...jury's still out on that one! I know that my signals are far too subtle - I think I've been really daring by emailing someone and signing it with a x!!

 

Interesting thread, though.

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lol, yes I think men are dense - I've been told this a number of times. I've missed opportunities to be with women just because the messages they were giving out were way too subtle. Then again I have mis-read messages of friendlyness for more than what they are and gotten burned by it (and embarrassed). I've found that women play games too much. Hot and cold.

Maybe that's why the male jerks of the world succeed in the romance dept so much - thick skin - the ability to laugh off rejection. Extreme self-confidence.

Just my opinion really.

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i think that one of the reasons as stated above is that confident or not, we dont like to be rejected male or female. Also if you have been in previous relationship(s) and you have been burned, you are double so worried about being rejected...Yes there are those of us, that have been out so long that we are "dense" only because after years out, we tend to miss things. Which makes us appear "dense" .

 

And yes there are at times women, tend to be to subtle about things, hence missed oppurtunities again...so as it is, i think at times coming out and saying what needs to be said, is better then the guessing game at times. That way both parties are on the same page, and then can gauge weather or not you are going to set yourself up for rejection....

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I feel that alot of women take men for granted. There's too much weight put on our shoulders to get things started. It's already difficult trying to read if a female is interested or just being friendly.

 

Alot of women think just being noticed is enough to initiate some kind of connection. It's not. I mean if its two complete strangers. What is the guy supposed to do? Jump on her? Some women do that walk-by-you-so-you-notice-me without even giving any eye-contact. What are we supposed to do?

 

I would really like to know what steps the ladies on this site take to get a guy's attention.

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i can relate..i really had a hard time with that too until it was rammed down my throat that when u are simply honest with yourself something weird happens - its like it doesn't matter what others think about you [well u know what i mean] or if others judge u or don't believe u - because by simply stating your opinion as honestly as u can and see it [does need judging - understanding - yes] doesn't mean u are right or wrong or better or worse - its just honest...and all that weight lifts off your shoulders. i remember when i walked up to an my father and told him i had been addicted to something evil for months and it played a role in my breakup - he turned and hugged me and offered support...like ***...i could never do something like that before...i would be worried about looking like a loser...suddenly i was seen as strong...and after the first time i did that..i never looked back...when u see the outcome vs. how it was...night and day...and the fear of sliding back doesn't appear...weird...that was the last lesson i learned from her. wicked

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