Do women understand the stress a man has in society to become the provider?

[FortunateOne]

Today I was talking to a great female friend of mine and she mentioned how it's tough for women to understand the rat race men need to go through in order to become the financial foundation for their families future.

 

So ladies, do you appreciate and understand the stress we men have to deal with on a daily basis in order to make stuff happen to attract or maintain that perception of security and stability all women want?

[Batya33]

There are many women out there who, like myself, made sure she was self sufficient financially/established in a career so that any man she became involved with would not have that stress.

[DN]

I think there are some women who understand but many do not. Both my wife and I have been unemployed during our careers.

 

When I was out of a job people would say "Any luck getting a new job?".

 

When my wife was unemployed people would say "Are you going to bother getting a new job?"

[Batya33]

If there is such stress I am not sure that men understand the stress women go through in being stay at home mothers particularly since in traditional parlance that work doesn't count as a real job.

[FortunateOne]

You have a good POV Batya. I know first hand how difficult it was for my single mother to provide for three kids alone.

 

Yet women have a choice, they can still have fruitful relationships with men regardless if they're successfull like you or not. As for us men women don't respect men that can't provide the essentials to them. I've met many men that are considered loosers due to their financial failing that further exacerbates their mental condition of depression.

 

What I'm talking about is exactly what women have said about the stressful need to be beautiful in order to attract a man.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I assume that I must understand since I have been in the rat race providing for my self for decades now, with no help from a man whatsoever. Also, when I come home from a long hard days' work, I make my own dinner, vaccum my own rug, mow my own lawn etc. If I lose my job, there is no question of help from a partner, I must do whatever is necessary to earn money or say goodbye to the roof over my head.

[g44]

both men and women need to work now-a-days? its pretty rare to have one partner stay at home. so, both genders face the same stresses. and single moms have it even tougher. ahhhhhhh, the joys of living in a capitalist society. lol.

 

long live fidel! [joking of course]

[Batya33]

You have a good POV Batya. I know first hand how difficult it was for my single mother to provide for three kids alone.

 

Yet women have a choice, they can still have fruitful relationships with men regardless if they're successfull like you or not. As for us men women don't respect men that can't provide the essentials to them. I've met many men that are considered loosers due to their financial failing that further exacerbates their mental condition of depression.

 

What I'm talking about is exactly what women have said about the stressful need to be beautiful in order to attract a man.

 

Well if a man suffers from clinical depression he might not be in the best situation to be in a long term romantic relationship. I would not date a man who was financially unstable or who did not have a strong work ethic because he would not be compatible with me - I am financially stable and have a strong work ethic - I am not asking him to be any better than me in those areas. If a man is laid off/fired I would be compassionate but of course I would need to know why and how hard he is trying to get a new job. Again, I wouldn't be asking of him more than I myself brought to the table.

 

And yes if I were home with children full time and providing a healthy and loving environment for our children I would expect him to do his part and provide the essentials.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

both men and women need to work now-a-days? its pretty rare to have one partner stay at home. so, both genders face the same stresses. and single moms have it even tougher. ahhhhhhh, the joys of living in a capitalist society. lol.

 

long live fidel! [joking of course]

 

Yeah, it's hard for single moms. I grew up in a single parent family. My mother worked hard and didn't make a lot of money. And unlike the traditional family the OP was referring to, my mother had the sole responsibility of taking care of the car, the house, anything that broke down, the lawn, etc. Especially of course when we were younger.

[maasikus]

Honestly, I think it is "outdated" for men to have such burdens...Today, there is no dependency or expectations set on men...every one is equal...

[maasikus]

Yeah, it's hard for single moms. I grew up in a single parent family. My mother worked hard and didn't make a lot of money. And unlike the traditional family the OP was referring to, my mother had the sole responsibility of taking care of the car, the house, anything that broke down, the lawn, etc. Especially of course when we were younger.

 

Though my parents are together, I can still imagine all that a single mom has to go thru...Hats off to her anyday!!

[FortunateOne]

The reason I posed this question is that the women I've met think my financial status came easy and don't understand how difficult it is to do business in the real world. I guess I always wanted to give my potential future partner a choice to be a full time wife, mother and business partner thereforeeee driving me to opine this view. The sad part is I'm attracted to the self made women, yet they want me to join their endevours in life which creates distance and a coldness in the relationship.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Though my parents are together, I can still imagine all that a single mom has to go thru...Hats off to her anyday!!

 

Yeah, thanks it wasn't easy on any of us. As hard as it is for single mothers nowadays, it was harder back then. A lot of gossipy little neighborhood people having no clue and trying to make trouble is one thing I remember. Well, I'm not going to go there.

[Dako]

I think MoneyGod's premise is a bit outdated.

For instance, in my marriage, my wife had a job as an economist and analyst for a series of major companies while teaching macro at a uni level and ran her own consulting firm rubbing elbows with people commonly doing the PBS talk shows. To assume she needed a wake-up call is preposterous. Meanwhile, neither of us was the designated "provider" and we seamlessly switched roles as homemaker or bread winner.

 

Many of the women on this forum are their own providers and are as aware as any of the stresses of work

[g44]

"Well if a man suffers from clinical depression he might not be in the best situation to be in a long term romantic relationship"

 

first thing i noticed is you classified you wanted a romantic relationship, second you state one specific ailment...depression...why is that? what if he had a broken leg? would that be different? have u ever gone thru a depression? what if someone 'disqaulified' you because you had been depressed in the past? have u set up a list of things that u believe in or because of past issues? i for one don't 'plan' the type of relationship i go in..it just happens, second, someone's plight doesn't cancel them out. i would date someone with a serious illness if they were a good person. but that is just me. everyone has their own likes and dislikes. i will tell u a funny story...i was once was 'rejected' as a possible date partner because i was the same height as the woman! height disadvantaged! oh the curse!

 

just said that to point out that everyone has their own views. and when they are communicated - it either works or it doesn't

[FortunateOne]

I think MoneyGod's premise is a bit outdated.

For instance, in my marriage, my wife had a job as an economist and analyst for a series of major companies while teaching macro at a uni level and ran her own consulting firm rubbing elbows with people commonly doing the PBS talk shows. To assume she needed a wake-up call is preposterous. Meanwhile, neither of us was the designated "provider" and we seamlessly switched roles as homemaker or bread winner.

 

Many of the women on this forum are their own providers and are as aware as any of the stresses of work

 

 

 

Yes you're right, it is a bit outdated, but I feel that a man's role has been trivialized to the point where we've lost the anthropological psychology that we are the hunters and must achieve alpha male status as provider to our family. This goes against millions of years of human evolution. Then again the woman's role is VERY important since it's the driving force for men to achieve the best provider status possible. This is what I elude to in my question.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

This is good knowing I may now go rest in peace that society will not falter without me. It shall not collapse as men are deemed redundant and unnecessary, but rather it must continue to prosper...at least until the first oil change is needed.

 

hehe...yeah, how do I put this delicately...um...we kind of....handle that on our own nowadays too....sorry....

[FortunateOne]

Yes, in my teens and early twenties I was depressed. I over came my selfish self pity and began to lovingly acknoweldge the world around me, but what I meant is how some of my male employees feel depressed since many women do write them off as potential mates due to the lack of financial security. It's sad and I feel I need to help them. Then when I overhear the females at work talk about men it's all about the "bling" their man HAS to provide if they want "love".

[Dako]

I figured this was your true motive for the post.

I won't bother you again.

[FortunateOne]

Then again my world view come from a sales environment that's full of superficiality and greed on both part of the sexes

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Then again my world view come from a sales environment that's full of superficiality and greed on both part of the sexes

 

Yeah, based on your last post I was about to ask you who these women are you're associating with? Sounds like you need to branch out into different social circles, because the mentality you're referring to is I believe in the minority.

 

That said, I don't think either gender really wants to mate up with someone though who is unstable, or fiscally irresponsible. Now, that's just good old fashioned common sense, along with a good dose of self preservation.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Somehow I just knew you would have a comeback to burst my little pitty party

 

Yeah, but you can't make all the instrumentality, can 'ya?

So there!

 

Sorry, I knew it was gonna sting

 

No I suppose we can't take it all. We might try though!

[hosswhispra]

I can understand your concerns, MoneyGod. You're not totally off base about saying that from an evolutionary standpoint, men were (and still are) considered to be the main providers.

 

However, there are a lot of ladies out there that understand that stress and don't expect a man to be a main provider anymore. Times have changed.

 

Today, many homes are two income families. I also know of some families where men are stay-at-home dads and the mom goes to work.

[Batya33]

I raised depression because the OP raised that as his example. I would not date someone with a serious illness where that illness would substantially impair his ability to be a father and raise a family. I don't date men who I don't see as potential marriage partners. I do plan the type of relationship I go into - it doesn't just happen. My interest might just happen but as far as taking the step from interest to a relationship yes i have a list of attributes that must be there - those are, basically, same religion as me, wants marriage and children in the near future, intelligent, hard working, drug-free and yes, healthy. I would be foolish to let a relationship just happen with someone who I couldn't see myself marrying - foolish and selfish too.

 

And yes past matters too - if he was a drug addict/alcoholic I would need to know how long he has been sober/clean, why this happened, the risks of it recurring, whether he had a criminal record because of it. My father has suffered from clinical depression for over 50 years and I am so glad my mother was so supportive and wonderful to him but I am sure she wouldn't encourage me to get involved with someone with that illness.

 

Once again, I focused on clinical depression because that is what the OP focused on - it is silly to ask me if a broken leg would be the same issue - of course it's subjective, of course it depends on what the illness is, how it affects the person's life, etc.

 

I should also add that I would be friends with someone with a serious illness - and have been several times - but to be involved romantically and potentially married that is a whole different story.

[gnabna]

First, I do believe that some women do realize that men (not all) tend to find their idenity in how well they provide for their family or their occupation and the ability to generate a decent income.

 

Second, I don't think this comment/question was posed to say that women cannot or are not providing for the family as well. You would have to live in a cave to not know that their are throngs of amazing women in the work force providing not just for themselves but for an entire family.

 

I have been a stay at home mom for most of my marriage and live in suburbia (but i have also worked outside the home to help provide as well) and I have to say a few of my girl friends think their husbands devote too much time to work and feel neglected. But at the same time they are pushing for the newest car or a bigger house, nicer things... So men hear, honey spend more time with the family, why are you working so late, don't you care about us?? But then they feel the strain of wanting to provide more. I am not saying this is the norm but I do understand the frustrated look on a man's face when his wife is telling me about their new pool they got and two seconds later she is complaining in front of him that he is never home to splash around with them.

 

Pretty much it is all about balance- as in all things in life we can't walk that tight rope without feeling our equilibrium is being jacked with. Men & women alike need to examine what is most valuable to them- the time we spend with one another or keeping up with the Jones'?