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is this normal?


radiotone
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i've never really had a normal active sex life with someone before like i do with my girlfriend now. and just now i'm REALLY starting to realize how different a man's sex drive is to a woman's sex drive. we had a talk about this the other day and she said her sex drive is really 'paced' - as to me, i'm ready to go anytime. lately i've been finding more things about her that turn me on a lot and it's been making it harder for me to go at her pace.

 

i 'relieve myself' most of them and all of that but its not that same, really. i feel like i have no control over my urges. it just feels too much to take in for me. so there's a conflict inside of me whenever we talk sex, i WANT to ask her stuff but at the same time i don't because i know i'll be too turned on. do all guys go through this with their girlfriends?

 

also, i find that i've been cumming too fast whenever i have sex with her because i've been thinking about it a lot. and when i'm finished, i feel ashamed. i was pretty sheltered when i was younger so i dont know if that has anything to do with it. should i discuss this with her? how can i last longer when i have all of these thoughts about it?

 

i want to enjoy it rather than just be too turned on and finish. any tips?

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Ohhhh this one isn't hard raidotone (excuse the pun chap)

 

Right, everyone has different sex drives, they go up, they go down. I hope this isn't taken the wrong way but women have way too much stuff going on in their bodies so they are more prone it's ups and downs in my opinion.....

 

The best way to get over cumming to fast is to get it out of your mind I suppose and just enjoy the sex and think about how good it will be the longer it lasts. When I was younger I used to cum quick because wow, a womans naked body, what's not to cum over right? Wrong. I learnt to do the alphabet in my head and it stopped me cumming and eventually it was natural to last a few hours.......

 

If I was you i'd discuss it with her, if it's an equal relationship she may tell you what to do in order to get her aroused more often and thereforeeee solving the issue!

 

The second paragraph, do all guys go thru this, yes they do, at your age, it's totally normal!

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Haha. You sound just like me. Women are geared a little differently. And yes, most guys are "ready to go at any time". You're spot on with that. I know I am anyway. Now, I see two problems that are easily fixed.

 

1) Stop masturbating. Be honest with her if you do, but try to stop. The urges will lessen, but they won't disappear. Concentrate on the passion with her. This ties in to number two.

 

2) Finishing too fast... How to fix this: When you guys have sex, don't go at it like wild rabbits. Have sex less often, and incorporate alot of foreplay. Make it more romantic; candles, music, whatever floats your boat. Concentrate on her having one, and not you (not saying you're selfish or anything). When you feel the point of no return coming, stop for a bit. Kiss her for a minute, or give her a massage. Then start up again. This will let you go longer, and it also stimulates her other senses through the kissing, massaging, whatever..

 

Also, enjoy it! The urges are normal. Once you settle into more of a comfort zone with her, they won't be as bad. Good luck.

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i agree with you on the whole 'no mastubation' thing. i think it makes it worse too. i should try to take my mind off my train of thought whenever i feel like i want to.

 

also, just romantic and intimate sex we have - i rarely cum too fast. thanks for the advice, i know i'll do my best and follow up with that.

 

though sometimes we have these times where we incorporate our fetishes into sex, well not really sex - but just sexual playfulness - we don't have sex but we orgasm and all of that. do you think we should lessen that too? cause i cum way too fast whenever we do that too.

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Masturbation can be a good thing, but if you substitute it for sex, then it can interfere with your love life. I used to send Mr. Smith to Washington twice a day. I had problems getting it up when it was actually time for sex. It also caused reduced sensitivity. I had the opposite problem and it took alot for me to orgasm.

 

though sometimes we have these times where we incorporate our fetishes into sex, well not really sex - but just sexual playfulness - we don't have sex but we orgasm and all of that. do you think we should lessen that too? cause i cum way too fast whenever we do that too.

If you guys both like it and there are no complications then keep doing it. That's my opinion anyway. On the finishing too fast part, just try to stop for a bit, and do something else sensual to her. Once you start up again, you will be able to go longer.

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not to bring up another issue, but we've been having problems with sexual positions and trying to make her orgasm through penetration.

 

because all the time, whenever we have sex, i cum but then she has to masturbate to cum. there was a time where she was close but i was way too tired and i lasted as long as i can. she likes it pretty hard so it's going to take me awhile to do that without cumming.

 

any tips?

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Masturbate her before you have sex. Sometype of foreplay. Also, do you use a condom? If you don't use one (if she is just on the pill and you go bareback) then try using one. It reduces sensitivity and makes you last longer. Learn where the "g spot" is. Then learn what position you have to use to be able to get that. I can't describe it in detail on here, but google some sites.

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Okay it seems to me that this is mostly a man's post but I thought I'd take a peek and offer a little female perspective, take it or leave it.

 

How fast is your 'recovery' time? Women generally out last most men, but sometimes I've seen guys teach themselves to get back on the saddle immediately and push thru that sensitive part. I don't know really anything about that from a guy's view, but it is possible.

 

Secondly, if she has trouble with orgasming from penetration, my advice is to try an altered-missionary position. Instead of lying flat on top of her, sit upward but still have her lying down on her back strattling you, so you guys are almost completely perpendicular. This will stimulate her g-spot. AND while you're at it, use your thumb and stimulate her clit at the same time. This is by far the easiest position to cum in for me, anyways. It might help to prop her butt up a little with a pillow.

 

I hope that makes sense. It is always SO GREAT to read about a guy who wants to make his sex life better for both partners. Good luck and happy cumming.

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A few statistics to remember: The average time a guy can last during PIV sex is 3 to 5 minutes. 75 percent of women need clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. I think it is typical for a women to need 15 minutes of stimulation to orgasm. Darn few positions allow the penis to stimulate the clit during intercourse.

 

When you masturbate, take your time - as you approach orgasm, stop stimulation for a bit, then restart again. Do the same thing during sex.

Have plenty of foreplay and even "do her" manually or orally first, then have intercourse, or as someone else mentioned, use a position where you can stiumulate her manually during intercourse.

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