Two halves don't make a whole

[Celadon]

I was thinking about that old saying tonight that two halves don't make a whole. You know, two "half" people shouldn't get into a relationship thinking it'll make them whole. You need two whole people to start with.

 

That's really true. Especially for people who think the main reason for getting into a relationship is to feel better. People probably don't *consciously* do that, but I've known guys and gals who are miserable as singles. Then they get into a relationship thinking the other person will cheer them up when they're feeling down. But what happens is then they are unhappy in the relationship too, and get sucked into the drama of it all. Basically, they end up even unhappier.

 

Maybe if we thought of relationships as an opportunity to GIVE rather than RECEIVE, we'd be more careful about getting into relationships that turn out to be bad.

 

Just my opinion. (BTW, I've been there, so I'm not pointing fingers at anyone.)

[eremy]

I concur...100%, you got it.

[Dako]

I concur, K8T.

 

We should all get a life before sharing it.

[BellaDonna]

Especially for people who think the main reason for getting into a relationship is to feel better. People probably don't *consciously* do that, but I've known guys and gals who are miserable as singles. Then they get into a relationship thinking the other person will cheer them up when they're feeling down.

 

What you describe is all too common. Sometimes people expect that a relationship will fix all of their problems. They wait for a savior.....

 

No one can save you if you can't save yourself.

 

BellaDonna

[southerngirl]

I agree all too often people believe that having 'someone' will somehow fix their problems.

 

What if you are soo screwed up and broken inside, so would that mean you should be alone forever?

[BellaDonna]

What if you are soo screwed up and broken inside, so would that mean you should be alone forever?

 

I don't think anyone should be alone forever. I do think that if a person is broken inside, they should not expect other people to "fix" them.

 

Sometimes the right partner can help you with healing and becoming a better person if they have faith in you and show you that they can be trusted and they truly care- but self-improvement untlimately has to come from within. No one can fix another person unless that person makes the necessary improvments in their own lives to bring about happiness.

 

Part of happiness is the realization that you are in the dirver's seat of your life, and that you control your own destiny. No one can take the wheel from you and somehow miraculously make it better. You have to be the driver. (It's ok to have a passenger- you don't have to be alone forever)

 

BellaDonna

[shes2smart]

What if you are soo screwed up and broken inside, so would that mean you should be alone forever?

 

Nope. It just means you've got some work to do on yourself before you can be part of a healthy, happy relationship.

 

I spent most of my 30's in therapy doing just that kind of work. It was hard. It was unpleasant at times...but who ever said cleaning out a cesspool was going to be fun?

 

However, the payoff was worth every bit of time, effort and every penny I spent on therapy.

[annie24]

What you describe is all too common. Sometimes people expect that a relationship will fix all of their problems. They wait for a savior.....

 

No one can save you if you can't save yourself.

 

BellaDonna

 

oh I hear that! been there, done that....

 

it is so hard to fix yourself though.... where do you start?!?

[Celadon]

Part of happiness is the realization that you are in the dirver's seat of your life, and that you control your own destiny. No one can take the wheel from you and somehow miraculously make it better. You have to be the driver. (It's ok to have a passenger- you don't have to be alone forever)

 

Incredibly well said, BellaDonna! That also means having a support system of friends, not just your s.o.

 

Where does one start, in fixing yourself? Well, the first thing is to admit you do have some areas in your life that need fixing. That's a great first step.

 

It helps to have an outlet, like enotalone, or a journal, so you can write down your emotions and thoughts. Getting it all out there helps me to SEE it, not just think about it over and over and over. Then it's good to try to improve in one little area - and make one little change that seems do-able. Like, if you're always bored, then come up with a list of things you'd like to do in your life. Or if you tend to be a hot-head, look up some techniques for controlling your temper (ask people how, or get tips from a book or Web site...). Just one step at a time, and don't forget to congratulate yourself every step of the way!

 

Then, there's always going to a counselor, if you can afford it.