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don't really know what i am anymore


Rm0812
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well for the longest time, i saw myself as a 1-woman man, i see myself as the devoted family man type, but due to recent events, i'm beginning to question/doubt myself....

 

i'm trying to take into consideration of some of the advices ive gotten so far, and perhaps inform my g/f of my doubts. we are 2000 miles apart, been a long distance relationship from the get-go (6 yrs), though we get along well and seem to be quite compatible, and it's always been the understanding that once i'm through with school we'd get married and live together. however, we've never honestly been TOGETHER up to this point. i've virtually enjoyed a true single guy's lifestyle without the "hindrances" that sometimes a significant other would cause. i do "crazy" boy stuff like spending my paychecks on my car and motorcycle, i go racing (both), i'm no stranger to last minute up-and-go roadtrips with buddies, and other little things from eating dinner at midnight to spending all day sitting around doing nothing, to having a messy pigstall of a room. i've basically been free to come and go as i please. and all the while i have been faithful to my lady, which haven't been an issue until recently.

 

more and more of our friends are getting married, and as recently as last week with my sister's wedding, she has been talking more about "our future". we have talked about in some details in the past, and i've always looked forward to "it" -whatever "it" is. but in a recent conversation we had about living together, she said to me (verbatim) "you know your lifestyle will change greatly." at the time it didn't have much effect on me as i understand exactly what she meant. but more and more that phrase is running through my head the more and more "scared" now i'm becoming. and as i mentioned in the other post, she has had similar doubts about if we're staying together for the sake of it, because that's just what we've done and we haven't tried anything different. although she has since retracted her statement(s) but the fact that i know she has at one point questioned "us" doesn't calm my doubts either, however, i am in no way trying to "pin" this on her.

 

she's always thought highly of me, she thinks that i'm the greatest, that i would be a great dad (despite some of our conflicting views/believes on various issues), and i don't know if it's just my guilty conscience, but it seems as though she's been praising me more and more this last couple weeks....how special i am, how much she loves me and how great i'll be and such. before i took those kind of comments as true compliments (as they are intended to be), but i'm beginning to feel pressure from them. i don't know/think that i can live up to her expectation, i fear i'm doomed to become a disappointment to her.

 

i haven't done anything TOO regretable with this other girl (from the other thread) to consider myself as a cheater, dishonest perhaps. so i'm not only questioning the faithfulness aspect, i'm simply doubting myself as a whole, am i really a "family man"? i mean com'on, a girl that i barely know for 5 months can derail my thinking this easily, im a much weaker person than i could ever imagine. can i really sacrifice the lifestyle that i've become so accustomed to? not saying that married life is a prison, but let's admit it, it's a world of difference and sacrifice is inevitable.

 

and most of all...how could i even begin to bring this up? esp. when she thinks that we've made up and everything is "dandy"? and i know for a fact that the slightest mention of what's going on in my mind will completely devastate her. i really am not sure if i should bring this up also because i'm not sure that i'm not going to be fine. i'm not sure either way, that's why i'm hesitant on even mentioning, hoping perhaps this is just a small bump that will work itself out (or i'll work myself out) and would become a non-issue and not worth bringing it in the open and cause head/heartache and pain from what could be a moot point.

 

what do i do????

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it's always been the understanding that once i'm through with school we'd get married and live together. however, we've never honestly been TOGETHER up to this point.

 

How can you have this understanding? You guys are 2000 miles apart for 6 years, did you both expect that time would stand still?

 

You guys need to have a talk no matter who will be devastated and who won't.

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well it hadnt always been 2000 miles....started out as friends at the same school, then the relationship started as a 2 hr drive apart after my transfer, then the last 2 yrs it's been a 2k miles....i know i know im just picking at the insignificance....but we have spoke about that, i would either move to where she is, or she would move where i am if i find a job here. and as recent as a couple weeks ago, we toyed with the idea that she could look into moving out here even before i'm done with school.....but now i don't know if that's too great of an idea anymore....wouldn't want her to move her whole life 2k miles and things wind up not working out.....

 

ARRRRRRRRGGGGG

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Talk to her. It's going to hurt her just as much later as it would now. More, in fact, if she uproots herself to be with you. Having been on the receiving end (my ex of 2.5 years broke up with me instead of moving in) it would have hurt a lot less if he told me when he STARTED to feel that way, not at the last minute. The sooner the better.

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I don't think anything could really be worked out with the distance between the two of you.

It's a whole new relationship once you are seeing each other daily or almost daily.

Someone will need to take a chance and move to the other's city and then see what happens.

It's a risk, but then you would know for sure if you wanted to be with her. After seeing her in person consistently for months.

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