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What to do when my ex contacts me?


MyTeddyBear
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I know it's coming. He'll do it soon. I know him. I feel like I should speak with him.

I feel I need to give respect to the relationship.

We were very serious and there are so many questions and what "ifs" floating around.

Right now, I don't what to say? I feel like a wounded animal. I feel physically ill from this whole

ordeal.

I'm literally afraid to talk to him.

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I know why you are worried; I have the same issue...

 

So what am I going to do?

 

1. Not panic or feel I need to reply quickly.

I am guessing the first few hours will be hardest; temptation to call/email/whatever. There is no point in rushing to reply. Take your time and think about it (will have the dual benefit of ensuring they have to wait for a reply and will make the reply so much better)

 

2. Think, think, think and think.

Draft a reply and then read, re-read, re-read and re-read it. That'll make sure it makes sense

 

3. Even if I'm ready, wait a while before sending.

They've initiated contact and so you have every right to wait. Will make whatever you say more powerful (seriously a quick answer looks flippant; a delayed one shows reflection).

 

4. Minimal stuff

No need to share anything you don't want to. Be mysterious; keep it short.

The most poetic language is no match for silence.....NC will work far more tricks on the imagination than anything you can write.

 

5. Smile

Imagine you've just won the lottery, the sun is shining and you've just won "sexiest human ever". Will make whatever you do soooo positive.

 

6. THE BIG ONE

Unless you absolutely have to (and please know the difference between "needing" and "having") avoid any chat about the past. Time will/may allow this, but for now neitehr of you can cope with reviews of your own past. So avoid it...

 

The details of what you do/say are up to you; but I guarantee that if you follow these steps you'll do much better. Harsh and extreme? Maybe, but I think you'll do better with this...

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like hjc said...

 

NC will work far more tricks on the imagination than anything you can write.

 

there is nothing you could tell your ex that could make him comprehend the pain he has put you through. i realized this myself when my ex wrote me asking to be friends. i wanted to ream him out and tell him just how sad he'd made me, but i sent the stronger message: i said nothing. if he has any kind of character, this will make your ex feel even worse than being chewed out. i mean, come on, do men really listen when you chew them out anyway?

 

in a way, by saying nothing, you're giving the highest respect to the relationship. you won't taint your memories by having your last conversations with your ex be painful and unloving...instead you sort of disappear, leaving the relationship in the past and not doing anything to slander it. by saying nothing you won't regret anything, but you're still clearly getting the message accross to him that you're not tolerating his crap.

 

most people don't get answers, or satisfactory answers, in their attempts for "closure." you're better off asking yourself the questions, formulating the answers yourself, and sticking to them, no matter what anyone else has to say about it. you were in this relationship, too, and you probably know just as well as he does about where the relationship went wrong...sometimes the dumpee has an even better idea because she usually contemplates where the relationship went wrong more than the dumper does. usually the dumper just wants out, and doesn't take a lot of time to analyze.

 

my hope is that you reach inside of yourself and find your own peace, and that you don't give your ex the ability to shatter it. he doesn't deserve that.

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just be yourself...if talking with him makes u feel bad, don't

 

and if u are afraid of what might happen...just think, what could possibly happen? if there is anything bad, don't do it

 

and NC does work tricks on the imagination - it freezes memory and the image from when u started it...that's oen of the bad things about it

 

and i disagree that there is nothing you could tell your ex that could make him comprehend the pain he has put you through. just seeing it in your eyes is more than words. and if he knows u, he would know how much u hurt.

 

why is asking to be friends a bad thing? saying nothing just locks it inside - let it out. memories are from a certain time and place...they are not affected by the past, present or future....they survive on their own. why would people think a "last' conversation would be painful and unloving if u have respect? when u think the opposite way that means u are still anger and hurt...u can be hurt with being angry. and u can't answer questions that only someone else can answer...that's silly....u will always reach the wrong conclusion. and yes, sometimes the dumper just wants out, and doesn't take a lot of time to analyze. what is so hard about saying that? its honest and true. and find your own peace however u feel best and remember not all ex's want to shatter u maybe some just want to help. there are some out there folks.

 

true! amazing but true.

 

nite nite

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I know it's coming. He'll do it soon. I know him. I feel like I should speak with him.

I feel I need to give respect to the relationship.

We were very serious and there are so many questions and what "ifs" floating around.

Right now, I don't what to say? I feel like a wounded animal. I feel physically ill from this whole

ordeal.

I'm literally afraid to talk to him.

 

 

hi. i know the feeling. I was afraid to speak with my ex. I saw her at a concert, and she looked like she gained weight, was looking disheveled, and not all that good. I started to think "what more could this person do to me? She is small, and I feel so much taller, and better prepared with my emotions for any kind of talk/confrontation, etc." this person can hurt you no more. She threw her best punch at me, and it hurt like her best punch would, but I have a better defense now, me. if you don't NEED to talk, don't. if you absolutely have to, know that the damage is done, and they're out of ammunition, and you have the big guns now.

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