I want to break up without telling him and let him figure it out...

[Sad_now]

Hi. i am with someone who caused me much grief overthe last 2 years and I don't know why the hell I end up back with him as soon as he makes some apologies and half-hearted gestures. I have left him and gone back to him more times than I can remember. I FEEL LIKE A LOSER. My friends don't even know I am seeing him again because they will think I am crazy to go to him.

 

I have had enough. I want to leave him but not enough to actually do it. What do I do? I am feeling so helpless. I texted him yesterday asking why he hadn't called me back (he was supposed to). I was really mad and sent a long rant via text. He replied saying I was cute when I was angry, he was sorry and that we could talk tomorrow if I wanted to.

 

That's the problem: if I want to. He totally mistreats me and then says I can see him again IF I WANT TO. He doesn't want to take any responsibility for anything. He has left it totally up to me and has made it clear that it's my choice. I never want to speak to him again after his coldness and indifference. But the thought of never seeing him again makes me panic. I am so unhappy with things - I don't know what to do. And there are so many men out there, very nice, who want to go out with me (I know of at least 3) but I don't want them. I want this crazy, mad, pathetic, rude, cold, womanising, cheating loser. WHY? Why am I so STUPID and unwilling to fix my situation. I am driving myself mad with this obsession. Please help me.

 

Right now I want to never say anything to him ever again - but it will hurt like hell if he doesn't even notice....

[Closure]

Just give him a call and say things aren't working out to take care of himself.

 

Go straight into NC, get out at the weekend and bloody well enjoy yourself.

 

My break up story is on here too, i'm on the day after the break up, yes I think about it, yes i'm angry, yes i'm sad but i'm buggered if this is all my life was about.

 

The turnstyle is turning, I know i'm going to make someone an amazing husband one day, great job, good looking and overall master of the universe.

 

Chin up girl, msn in my profile if you need support!

[sumguy]

If you don't cleanly and definitely break things off with him, there will always be lingering doubts and feelings - I like Closure's suggestion.

[Sad_now]

Thanks for your words. It's just that if I call him, he'll take things lightly and laugh. I have broken things off with him before and he's said sure as if he knows we'll be back together - which we are. Or he'll just say 'Fine' and shut the phone and I'll feel like worthless ****. he's a very clever manipulator. he knows what to say and do and that's why I just want to not have a word with him.

[Closure]

Someone who 'loves' you won't make you feel worthless or manipulate you, thats a certainty. Just head for no contact, you obviously deserve better.

 

Thanks for your words. It's just that if I call him, he'll take things lightly and laugh. I have broken things off with him before and he's said sure as if he knows we'll be back together - which we are. Or he'll just say 'Fine' and shut the phone and I'll feel like worthless ****. he's a very clever manipulator. he knows what to say and do and that's why I just want to not have a word with him.

[sumguy]

If you have the composure and the determination, then do it in person, he can't really run away without giving you a victory, can he? ^_^

 

In the long run, you'll feel better for and about yourself for making the resolve and sticking to it. Tell him you don't want to speak to him or see him anymore, if it helps don't let him get a word in, and remember that nothing he says gives him control over you, you are your own person.

 

I hope this helped and Good Luck! =)

 

edit: Just wondering, how many serious relationships have you been in prior, and how old are you?

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

Maybe send him an email...telling him how you feel? Then you don't have to talk to him and you won't have ot hear him laugh or take your feelings lightly.

 

Or....if he does take it lightly and laugh... let THAT be the reminder of why you don't want to be with him. You deserve more.

 

I've been where you are ..so i understand how you feel.

[Sad_now]

That's the thing, sumguy. The whole argument was about meeting face-to-face. We went away for a romatic break to paris almost 4 weeks ago. The night we got back, we were supposed to stay together. However, he never turned up and switched his phone off (THAT VERY NIGHT WE GOT BACK FROM HOLIDAY). Then he texted me for a couple of days saying he was thinking of me. Then I asked to meet him on the weekend. He said he wanted to watch TV (??????) and that I could call and check up on him he would be home watching TV. Then called me and told me to come over (which I didn't as it was too late). Then told me we would meet on Sun. didn't happen. Then he said Tuesday. Never happened. When I got angry at his avoidance of me (especially after our lovely break) he said that's why he hates relationships. He doesn't want to HAVE to do something and that I wasn't even his girlfriend as he doesn't 'do' girlfriends. And when I got upset and wanted to talk about it, he said he had forgotten what he had said and besides I had got his back up by being so demanding...... ?????? I don't understand...

 

I am 30 and have been in 2 serious relationships before this

[sumguy]

That's a predicament, but at least you've realised that this guy isn't right for you and that you need to end things with him totally - a lot of people don't for the longest time. The bottom line, though, is that no matter what he says or does, you don't need to judge your own worth through him.

 

'sif watch TV instead of seeing you...

 

HealingHandsWarmHearts might be onto something there, with an email you can get it all off your chest and BLOCK his replies, no matter what they are. I know I would never have the will-power not to read a reply, or to check for one, but there are stronger people than I... =P

[Sad_now]

I wish I were that strong too

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

You are probably stronger then your realize =)

[Jayar]

Oh man.... This guy is SO not into you it's not even funny! And he's going to play this game (cuz it's fun... For him, not you) until you put an end to it.

[Sad_now]

ok guys...just called him and finished with him. I am feeling numb....

[TheFallenShadow]

just tell him straight up, that its over, and that you two need to carry on in separate lives. By not telling him, you will not have closure so that you can move on with your life in a positive way

 

Fallen

[hey_hey]

if he dosent treat u rite dump him but then again if u really care for him talk to him and if he really cared for u he would listen and if he wont take my first advice and dump his srry * * *

[g44]

if u think he will maipulate things, don't

 

if u think he will make things worse, don't

 

if u will feel better, do

 

this is about you - not him

 

and if u don't trust that the two of u can do this as adults or as people that loved each other - don't

 

ever second you spend in worry, doubt and sadness - is a second of happiness, joy and positive vibes u are without.

 

good luck and stay kewl

[Sad_now]

Thanks so much for your words. I am feeling numb. He basically told me that he wouldn't compromise to being in a relationship with ANY woman as he likes his free lifestyle. And that it was my choice to stay or leave. He wanted to be friends and said I was being silly when I said I wouldn't.

 

I miss him but I really can't go on seeing him casually when he's not bothered either way. And this is the man who, when we are together, is insanely jealous if I even smile politely at a waiter who is serving us or reply with a smile to strangers who ask for directions on the road... basically he didn't want even a basic commitment (to be labelled a boyfriend) while wanted my entire heart, mind, body and soul.