Asking too much or too little?

[TriedPatience]

Hi! I can't believe I am posting this but here goes. I am in my 30's, single mom to a teenager and my boyfrirend is a single dad in his early 40's with two kids...pre-teen. He has been separated two years, divorce just became final this month. We have been a couple six months. He has his kids alot. When he has his kids, I don't spend time with him...his choice. I don't have a problem with taking that part of our relationship slow. He met my child (my son's eighteen), six weeks ago. I have meet his but only once spent time with them....both of us with all three of our kids went on an outing. It was a great day with no problems. I am his first relationship since his very long marriage ended. I understand him not wanting me to spend time with his kids until he was sure he wanted this relationship to go somewhere. Every single day he has not had his kids, we spend together.....have since the first date. The days I don't see him he usually phones me. He is so good to me and goes out of his way to make me happy doing little every day things that most people don't think to do or appreciate. I have been really understanding of the keeping the kids and me separate, being a single parent myself, I get that. However when's the point when that needs to change? This week he has to travel for business and every day he is not gone for business he has his kids. A few of those days were not to be his days with the kids but he has always swapped days with his ex if he is going to be out of town so he still has his kids the same amount of time. He has the kids way more then half the time. Five days this week and two days this week out of town. I have been patient with this but am thinking that by now, six months in, he would want to have me around some times when he has the kids. Especially when if he doesn't then he doesn't see me at all this week. The kids mom is not sitting at home thinking about her ex-hubby. She moved on long before he did and has even bought a house with her new partner. He is often with the kids as are his kids around them alot. As you can probably guess, I am wondering if I am asking too much to want to be in the picture with the kids once in a while? He is the best father and I love that about him but I can only be put on the shelf for so long. I don't expect everything to change overnight but I don't understand why I can't be around even one evening when there is not one "free" evening in the enitre week. I know it may sound like he really isn't that into me. But he truly is wonderful to me otherwise. I honestly can't believe I have met such a great man. Except this one thing....I'm tired of being patient. I haven't said anything to him and just hoped eventually patience would pay off. Thus far it hasn't and I am thinking it has been long enough. What do you all think? I am interested in anyone's thoughts but particularily interested in what any single dads who may be out there have to say. Thanks.

 

Wanting off the Shelf!

[MaeMae]

You as a parent should know that the kids come first no matter what. Six months is not a long time to be in a relationship. It might even be a couple of years before he's ready to relax and allow himself to think that your relationship may be long lasting. No need to get the kids attatched to someone if he isn't entirely sure it will last. It would just make things harder if there is a break up. He is erring on the side of caution as he well should where the well being of his kids are concerned. I totally understand wanting to see him at least one day out of a busy week, but hey, that's what comes with dating someone with kids. You can never be first.

 

Kind of a sore subject with me really. I'm dating a single dad who has visitation with his only son. I don't have kids, never want them, and initially had no intention of this relationship lasting as long as it has. We only have the weekends to spend time together and that's going to change when his kid starts school. He'll probably only see him on the weekends so I forsee this relationship ending in about a year.

[TriedPatience]

I don't expect to come first....never have and still don't and never will. One of the things I love about him is that he is an amazing father. But to not see him even for a couple of hours in a week or not at all in 13 days....seems awfully extreme to me. Especially when he doesn't have the kids we spend every minute together that we aren't at work. I have even suggested that maybe that's a problem given it mean major extremes....seeing him so much to not at all, that's too hard on me. Would the kids having to spend two hrs with me in the house really hurt them? No. I don't even want to be there all the time when the kids are but I would have thought given how close we are when he doesn't have the kids that by now he would want me around sometimes when he does have them...not alot but sometimes. Their mom's partner has been in the picture regularly since only three months into their relationship and not around a bit but all the time. I know their relationship and our relationship are different but at three months in there is no way she could have know their relationship will be lasting either. Given I am a single parent, I wouldn't have an issue with my partner of six months spending a couple of hours with my child and I once every two weeks or so. Is that asking too much? If so then maybe I do need to move on even though I am crazy about this guy because two weeks of I don't exist is too much. I have dated single father's before. It's just I have never dated someone who has his kids 24/7 almost all the time and still wants to keep us completely apart. When I have to go a week or two without seeing him at all, my life is no different then it was before I met him except now I miss him during that time. I wanted to be in a relationship and that's why I got into one but half the time or more now, I don't feel like I am in one.