Giving advice without asking for it

[monkey1]

I'm curious, ok I've been having a hard time this summer on getting a job. In the beginning, people would say "Oh, you'll find something! you're smart!!" Then would also ask me what I want to do, where I've been looking, where I should look and so on.

 

In the beginning it was fine and now hearing this "advice/opinion" on my situation irritates me. I think it's because job hunting is frustrating, especially if you can't seem to get anything and the last thing I want to hear is people telling me what I should do.

 

My boyfriend actually a few times acted like some school counseler and asked me "What do you want to do? You should look at blah blah blah. You just need to do xyz. You could look into blah blah blah because that's similiar. You gotta start somewhere." Let's just say, i was very silent during the conversation.

 

I think before i was cool with people giving their 2 cents, but now, I just want to tell everyone to "Shut the F up."

 

I told my boyfriend that I just wanted him to listen and let me vent for a while. That I didn't need some "cheering up" and wanted to just sit in my frustration for a few minutes. He seemed kinda pissed because said he has put time and effort into "inspiring" and motivating me so I won't give up hope because he's been in my situation too and said that it gets thrown back in his face. I thought, "Great, he can't listen."

 

Anyway, my question is, does it bother you when people give their advice or opinion on your situation when you don't ask for it? And why do people get upset when you tell them you just want a sounding board for your thoughts and not advice?

[now_better]

i know where you're coming from. sometimes one of the best skills as a friend is to shut up and just listen to someone until they've said their piece. i'm fairly reserved so i excel at that skill hehe. people often think i'm a great listener (and a great friend) because i let them vent. i'll interject something silly every once in a while, but for the most part, i just nod and listen.

 

i never really paid this any attention in the past, but i'm becoming more self-aware and some people are flat out AWFUL listeners. they feel like they need to tell you what to do, they like to go on and on about their life story that barely has any connection to yours. i remember on the last day i saw my ex, i very much felt like venting and my friend told me "don't talk about her." hello? what kind of friend are you?

 

there's some good books on link removed about the art of listening, maybe you could buy one for your BF. there's also good articles online so you could also find one and send him a link.