Help Needed Please!

[heartbroke4u]

Hello,

 

I am new to the forum. I am just very distraught beacuase the guy I have been talking to has stopped going out of his way to see me or speak with me. He says he is very busy. I know he is. We've only hung out twice both very casual. We are still in the getting to know each other stage. I really like him and would email him, call text alot. Not too much but every few days. Since i see him backing away, I also am backing away. How do I back away and give him his space without him forgetting me? sometimes i want to call him just so he will not forget me. Or do you think that me not contacting him AT All will make him seek me out? please help!

[blender]

okay, relax, and STOP, when in doubt do NOTHING.

 

you must stop initiating any contact, this is so important.

 

He will WANT TO FORGET about you if keep contacting him, but if do NOT initiate contact, then when he does contact you, you can be confident that he made a choice to do so... calling, texting, emailing a guy a few times a week is too much honey... let him "think" about you, not roll his eyes at "oh no ANOTHER email or text for HER"....

 

Stop this right now. You'll be okay, do not ever think you have to "be there" for a man to not forget you... he knows where you are and how to get in touch with you... let him do so when and if he wants to.. that is the ONLY way you will know if he's HONESTLY INTERESTED..

 

If you contact him again, it runs the risk of him just being "polite" by having to feel like he "should" respond... don't put yourself in this situation, hear him loud and clear, he is 'BUSY'.... don't take it personally, if you do, you will surely chase him away, and if does not initiate contact for a few more weeks, well then, yes, you have to have the maturity and class to then take it personally in a sense that you can not make someone want you... yuk...

 

you're worthy of a guy who makes the "effort'... but you could also cut the chance of a guy wanting to do this, because you take the "fun of the pursuit" out of it, because you are texting, emailing, calling or whatever form of contact...

 

this is why not initiating contact on your part is a win-win situation. Have the self respect to let him pursue you....any guy that does not have to make an 'EFFORT' to have your affections, in NOT worth it anyway... do not panic, it's not up to him to validate your feelings, that is up to YOU and YOU alone. Be strong, confident, and have the CLASS to let him initiate contact.... you will feel better about yourself.

 

Keep venting here, do NOT contact him, let him make the next contact.. and just be happy to hear from him, and keep it light, let him pursue YOU...

[heartbroke4u]

Thanks to you both! I totally agree. I didnt think of it as having "class" by not contacting him, but I do see it now, and i thank you for allowing me to see it that way. However, what if its too late and i've pushed him away? I'm not sure if this is the case or not.. do you think if i just back off for a while he may come back my way? also, i know im asking stupid questions, but for how long should i not contact him, should i back away for say a month? or more? if he never contacts me should i never contact him again?

 

thanks in advance!

[blender]

okay honey, it's a GREAT sign that you are seeking advice and also that you responded with an open mind.

 

Don't think too far into the future, you just have to know that for right now you will NOT be intiating any contact, just one day at a time...just for today, easy does it, no contact by you, and you will just have to trust that SELF RESPECT AND HAVING THE CLASS to NOT contact him, is a VERY ATTRACTIVE quality. And you now have "it".

 

It's okay that up to this point you've been a bit too eager, let it go, it's okay... everything happens for a reason, and what's already happened is okay.... but NOW you are going to make a choice of a classy, confident girl, and if a guy want's your attention, he has to make an effort to get it, in a responsible, calling you and asking you out kind of way, anything less, is NOTHING ANYWAY... so no worries,

 

I bet he will contact you, just be patient and remember that YOU contacting him will DO NO GOOD AT ALL.. it just won't, write it down on a post it note:

 

WRITE: CONTACTING HIM WILL NOT MAKE HIM LIKE ME, BUT NO CONTACT WILL MAKE HIM "WONDER" ABOUT ME AFTER AWHILE, AND IF HE'S A WORTHWHILE GUY HE WILL CONTACT ME, IF NOT, I'LL BE OKAY".

 

ALSO write: "I am classy, respectful and I'm ONLY interested in a man who makes the effort to contact me, because he makes a choice to do so, if he doesn't than that means he's not thee guy for me".

 

This little excersize in your own self respect will be tough, but you will be soooooo HAPPY if you stick with not initiating contact, I promise.... you are growing, learning, and you want to define yourself as a class act.. and it starts now, and if this guy doesn't see it, that's his loss...

 

Stay the course, no initiating contact, when you feel tempted, just write here instead..

 

 

[heartbroke4u]

Thank you so much! Somehow you are really getting through to me like the rest of the people here giving advice. Its really hard, but i know you are right. I have not been getting the results I want by being to clingy. So I will try your way and I will write those things down. I think it will help. But, in my defense, and I know this means nothing at this point. The only reason i started contacting him alot is because he did it to me too at first. I thought this is what he wanted. I started out saying I will guard my heart and not expect anything, but in the end I got sucked in! but i will defenitly try to act more class and mature, I know this is the best thing.

[Momene]

I'm sorry to say this but he's not into you as much as you are into him and he may have decided to friendzone you.

 

If something meaningful is going to develop, I don't think you will need to ask for advice on how/when to contact because it just happens naturally.