Still In Nc...but Still Struggling!

[LostAngel]

Hi everyone

 

 

Here I am. 1 month & 2 weeks into NC. Trying to heal, trying to get him off my mind & trying to get myself back.

 

But yet I still have so much hope & longing that we will get back together.

 

For those that don't know my situation you can read my previous threads.

 

After all the years we have spend together & the ups & down we have had I just cannot accept him just walking away & throwing it all away when I'm the one he said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

 

Things with us just go round in circles. 7 years then On & off. Break up & make up for these last 2 years and again here I am torn apart. This is almost 10 yeras of my life.

 

I sit here & think was it all a lie? did he even mean all the things that he said to me? promised me? But how could he if he can just leave me here & walk away after so many years. Everything just keeps playing on my mind & I don't really think I'm going to get over this, over him just hurting me this bad.

 

I guess I can say that I'm weak today. I have managed to keep strong for this past month even though its been the hardest thing for me. I think the main reason being because of not getting that full closure when my ex broke up with me THIS TIME.

 

As each day goes by some days are better than others but I'm still struggling alot. I realise that I need to comletely let go & just focus on me but deep down I'm still holding on & its killing me.

 

I try to take each day at a time & try to just focus on my life but I can't seem to get past the fact that he has hurt me so much but seems to blame it all on me AND JUST ENDED THINGS THE WAY HE DID.

 

The worst thing is that yesterday I spoke to someone quite close to my ex & they told me that the mere mention of me & my ex gets angry & doesn't want to hear and says stuff like "why do you have to talk about her".

 

I just don't get it. After all the years we have been together & after how much he said loved me (EVEN A FEW DAYS BEFORE HE ENDED IT), now it just feels like he hates me or something & I just don't understand it. He is the one who ended it with me, walked away, told me to leave him alone & pushed me away and now it IS AS if I meant nothing to him and that everything is my fault.

 

I just cannot get past the hurt that its as if he is blaming me for all that has happened & turned everthing on me. Why is he doing this? Why is he treating me this way? I just don't get it.

 

 

He always does this...He always just walks away when the going gets tough & he just keeps on hurting me more & more. But yet he does not even see what he is doing to me & just walks away. Then when something happens & he sees he maybe losing me thats when he wants me back.

 

 

This is the longest time we have had NC and I'm still waiting for that phone to ring. It is driving me crazy. I'm still wanting him back even after all he has put me through. I always take him back & cannot seem to realise he is not good for me & has hurt me too much. Why is it? Why can everone around me think Im crazy for taking him back all those times. Why can I not see what he is doing to me?

 

 

I can't take this anymore. I have been on here for the past 2 years & seem to not be any much better. Back to where I was. It's like I'm stuck. Stuck on him and cannot seem to move even though he has messed me up so much. I just miss him so much & love him so much I cannot see anything else.

 

 

 

HELP ME TO "SEE THE LIGHT" CAUSE i CANNOT SEEM TO.

I know I'm worth so much more than this & deserve better (as many have said too) but I'm just in a dark tunnel & have been since the first time he broke up with me 2 yeras ago.

 

 

I'm hurting real bad.

 

 

LostAngel

[gossy]

Hi lostangel,

I just joined the forum. I read your post and I will try to help. A book called The 4 Agreements changed my life. It's an easy read, you could probably read it in 1 sitting. It's by Don Miguel Ruiz. You can probably find it at the library or on Amazon for a couple dollars. I hope this helps. (I also live in NC)

[Freda]

Hi Lostangel,

 

Sorry to hear you are suffering so much. Your situation sounds eerily very much like mine. We have been together for 9.5 years, the past 2 have been a series of on & off's, ups & downs too. It's always him who does the running away, we argue or have a bad patch and he disappears - needs space instead of discussing it and making it work. I really don't understand him sometimes and i'm increasingly finding myself more and more fed up.

 

We are currently on yet another 'break' again his decision, but at the moment i really am not interested in a reconciliation. I don't know why exactly, but i think i have become bored by these outbursts and i realise they are not healthy for anyone. I have had strict NC for 3 weeks now and it feels great for once.

 

I think we both have to ask ourselves 'is it really worth it?' All this stress and heartache, life is too short to be so unsettled. We both deserve something better, what that is or where it will come from i don't know. I think we will both just have to be patient and try to be as strong as possible until that day arrives.

 

One thing i can say is that i'm going out more, getting more exercise and generally looking after ME a lot more than usual. My spirits are high and i intend on keeping them that way.

 

Hope the cloud moves along a bit quicker for you too. x

[Lealing]

Hi Lost Angel,

 

I can totally sympathise with you. My ex broke off our relationship about 9 months ago after having been together for 8 years. We had planned to get married and settle down this year. We even booked the Church and the reception. I'm still really hurt and miss him terribly. It's not easy after being together for so long. I think about him everyday. Some days I am down and other days I am OK. I also keep hanging on to a thread of hope that we might get back together again but that hope is fading after time passes.

 

I can't do NC as I would feel really miserable so I have LC with him in that I reply to his emails when he emails me first which is about once a week. I know it's not healthy to keep hanging on to hope and that I should really try to heal myself but I can't.

 

I think that time is the only healing factor but in the meantime keep yourself busy. I have just signed up to do some voluntary work at the weekends so that I don't sit around moping. I also get to see my friends about once a week so that I can have a good chat with them.

 

I can't really give you any advice but I just wanted to let you know that I know what you are going through.

 

Stay strong.

 

Lealing

[LostAngel]

Hi gossy

 

I will take a look at that book. Thanks for the thought.

 

 

LostAngel

[LostAngel]

 

Hi Lostangel,

 

Sorry to hear you are suffering so much. Your situation sounds eerily very much like mine. We have been together for 9.5 years, the past 2 have been a series of on & off's, ups & downs too. It's always him who does the running away, we argue or have a bad patch and he disappears - needs space instead of discussing it and making it work. I really don't understand him sometimes and i'm increasingly finding myself more and more fed up.

 

 

 

Hi Freda

 

Your reply sounds truly like my situation. Indeed everytime the going gets tough, they choose to run & thats what he has done to me once again. I think thats why he is angry with me now too and doesn't even want to speak to me or even hear about me. Its like he would rather just use anger to avoid me and breaking up with me. Rather than deal with it. So that he won't have to feel bad about anything. It just hurts that someone you gave your all to would do this.

 

 

Thanks so much for your reply. Hope I can get my spirits up high & be as strong as you.

 

 

LostAngel

[gossy]

You're more than welcome. I have learned a lot about myself in the past couple of years. Of course, we have to continue to try to grow daily. I try to work on myself constantly. Your first priorty is YOU. If you are ok then things start falling into place. How you REACT to what people say or do is more important than you would ever dream. Tact is thinking twice before saying nothing. In some cases not reacting at all is best.

[LostAngel]

Thanks Lealing

 

It helps to know somone knows how I feel.

 

In our previous break ups I never was able to do NC. I always broke it but eventually we would end up together. Now I have kept to it because he started it & kept saying I must leave him alone, so I have no choice. Sometimes I think I should just call to see how he is doing but after hearing that he is angry...I don't know anymore.

 

The thing is that I can't get past that he would just be fine with all of this & that he is fine without me in his life just like that. How can he say he loves me so much want to spend his life with me, say I'm the only person he sees spending his life with then do this. It makes no sense.

 

 

Its all too much

 

 

LostAngel

[gossy]

So sorry girls, I am new to this computer language. So NC doesn't mean North Carolina, obviously. It means no contact?

[Lealing]

Hi Lost Angel,

 

I think it's very brave of you to keep NC. It's terrible to think that the person you've been with so many years with just ups and leaves and will no longer be in your life. All the hopes of a future together shattered. It's not easy to get over someone you have loved and lived with for years.

 

At first I was emailing him like 4 or 5 times a week. And i managed to see him once a month. I live in the UK now and he still lives in France. However, after our last meeting he has said that we should keep a distance so now I only email him about once a week when he emails me first. Sometimes I feel that I have no control over the situation. Everything is dictated by him: first the break up and now the frequency of our contact.

 

I think that time is the only healing factor and maybe after a few more months or even years we will eventually get over our exes.

 

Take care

 

Lealing

[LostAngel]

Thanks everyone

 

Today I'm okay but deep down I'm hurting. Guess 'cause he hasn't called me and I'm not sure what he is thinking & feeling about me.

 

I seem to be blaming myself even though he has hurt me alot too.

 

 

 

LostAngel

[Lealing]

Hi Lost Angel,

 

Sorry to hear that you're feeling down again today. Try to keep busy and your mind occupied so that your thoughts don't stray to him.

 

I got an email from my ex today but I have decided not to reply immediately like I usually do. Give it a few days before I email him back.

 

Take care

 

Lealing