xentez Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 hey i am thinking of writing her a letter. i know that i am not going to get a response but i jus want to tell her what she means to me and what she has given up. do you think this is a good idea. i know people have said in that past that i should write it but not send it, i want her to know tho. this is going to be the last contact i have with her (well by me initiating it anyway). she is seeing someone else so i dont know if that should make a difference or not xen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hjc Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 I wouldn't bother sending her a letter. I don't think words will change her views in any way and you risk looking embittered. Write the letter by all means, just don't send it. I went through a breakup that involved me writing my ex far too many emails and letters...with hindsight I regret what I did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al-icia Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 I guess you should not.These few weeks I've been thinking on whether to write him a letter too.But I thought it would just make me sound like i'm desperate for him.He's the one who didn't want me.So i guess if your ex is actually with someone else,perhaps it's not advisable to write a letter.Save that little pride for yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freda Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 Hi Xentez, I personally think some things are better left unsaid, however sending a letter can bring closure and that is something only you can decide. You have to think long and hard about it - write the letter, then leave it a couple of days. Go back and read it again and see if you still want to send it. I have often sent texts/emails etc.. one day that i then regretted the next. If you do still think your letter is valid, then go ahead and send it. Hope this helps x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xentez Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 yer perhaps i will leave it for a few days. i was a little scared in our relationship about telling her the absolute truth about what i wanted for the future, for us etc. i jus want to get it off my conscience, all them what ifs etc. i know we will not get back together mainly because she is with someone new and that i wont get a response. jus needed to get it all off my chest and out of my head so i know that she knows what i was trully thinkin, planning and wanted. does that sound sad, needy etc etc xen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dreynolds Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 What you need is closure - to let go - but you have to realize that you do not need HER to give this to you. Especially if you already know that she wont' respond....you'll accomplish the same thing by simply venting in a letter or email then reading it a day or two later...then deleting it. It would be different if you were still close - had a lot between you - and you know that she would be there to listen to your feelings. But in this case, and in most cases, you're better off to let it go - chalk it up to one of those "dating/relationship experiences"...but do not DENY the emotions you are experiencing. Live them - deal with them - but do that by venting and talking it out - with yourself, in a letter to yourself, an email to yourself, a friend or family member....but involving her in ANY of this closure process, is not wise nor necessary....trust me, you'll feel AMAZING about it down the road when you think back to this day...."THANK GOODNESS I SENT HER NOTHING"! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xentez Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 it jus makes me physically sick to think of this other bloke who she is now seeing being all over her, sleeping with her, kissing her etc. i cant get it out of my head. what can she see in him. he is 15 years older than her. xen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krieg Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 send the letter, and forget about her. you will get clarification and chances are she will not reply which is infact a good thing, as your feeling for her will steadily go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
desertnomad Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 I understand how you may feel a little bit. My 35 year old ex of 4 yrs. left me for someone who is 50 (and poor) and has a kid only 5 years younger than her. Its something I will never comprehend. I sent her lots of emails and I.m's also but it didnt do any good. But I pretty much knew it wasnt going to do any good even before I found out about the other guy. I sent them to get things off of my chest and to make sure on my part that I said all the things (good things) that I wanted to say that I felt I may have neglected at some time in the past. I still feel ok about doing it because theres nothing now that I think of that pops into my head where I say damn if only I had reminded her about that or shared that with her she wouldnt have been so crazy in the end. I thought maybe I could help her see things in a different way by pointing out all the positive things about us and me since she was only focusing on the negative. That of course was futile but I still dont feel bad about it. You have to be careful not to put your self esteem and self respect on the line so you dont feel stupid later. I think thats what NC is really good at protecting. But I can understand wanting to let her know in a dignified way about who you really are and really wanted. I would also agree though that if your going to send something dont send it in haste. Give it a few days and reread it. It may sound different to you at different times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xentez Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 thanks desert thats exactly what i have done. i have written a letter saying everything i was a little scared to say in the past. reminded her about some good times and i cant think of anything else i want to say. i am going to put it aside and re read it in a few days. if i change anything i will again put it aside until i dont need to change it and then put it aside once more before deciding to send it. i wont feel stupid i have told myself that this is the last time. i will not contact her again unless she contacts me and wants to get back together/be friends/ wants to know me and if that time comes then i am in the driving seat. jus a little vent but also making sure that i now dont hold and secrets about my feelings and keep wondering what if i said that. after this i wont be able to say anything else. it is the end cheers for all your help xen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xentez Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 now on another point. there is a girl who lives a couple of doors down from me. what is the best way of approaching her. i dont know if she has a b/f etc. i dont know anything about her other than the fact she lives a few doors down xen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
motog Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 listen, our heads will destroy us if we let them. shes`with someone else and i really feel for you . please dont destroy yourself with thoughts of what they may or may not be doing. keep your pride, keep your distance and watch it all go pearshaped 4 them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xentez Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 hey moto. nice very nice i never thought of it that way. as far as i am concerned now. i was the best thing for her. she doesnt want it. her loss. your post has really lifted my spirits. cheers. now about the next door neighbours girl any thoughts??? xen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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