The Crusher

[Shadow25]

Finally, after half a year of being attracted to this older woman, I now know that she definitely doesnt feel the same way, in a way i'm glad that I can just...leave it, but, I guess it's going to be really hard for me to see her at martial arts training from now on.

I half to go train in 1 and a half hours...and I will see her there.

 

Last night, the 27yr old with a daughter replied to an email I sent her...I said:

 

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""sorry, by the time you finish i have to pick up . besides i'd feel like a perv having coffee with an 18 year old. catcha."

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Hey again, I realise you have to pick up from school, so what time is a good time?

don't tell me you're always busy either, I'm not silly!

 

....oh, and you reckon you'd feel like a perv having coffee with an 18 year old do you...well, i'm 18 and 5 months and nobody said you had to have "coffee" with me, glorea jeans has plenty of good tasty drinks, have a mango chiller/smoothie, a hot chocolate with marshmellows, or something else...

 

so...

 

How about friday night, after leadership team, the only people around are the girls who work at Glorea Jeans and it should make you feel more comfortable if you are really THAT paranoid about having a drink with me.

 

So, what do you say? Are you going to go home and do whatever it is you normally do, or do something different for a change? something that might not be as bad as you think...just try to remember a few months back, when we used to talk outside of on friday nights...it's no different, true?

 

So call me when you have an answer, or talk to me at training ok.

 

Talk to you later."

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And last night she replied with:

 

"Nathan, I can't even begin to explain how not interested I am. I thought that was fairly obvious. I talk to you because you're one of the kids I train with, that's all. Oh, and your assertion that my private life (about which you know nothing) is boring and it would be exciting to spend time with you is just insulting.

 

Look, no hard feelings. stick with girls your own age, hey? catch you at training."

 

I have replied, with apologies, and telling her that I'm not going to bother anymore, and I thanked her for being alot clearer this time around...as her last email could of meant a few things, I just didn't know for sure.

NOW, I just don't know what going to happen at training, I'm not really upset that she made herself clear...I'm glad in one sense that I can just forget about trying to be with her all together, but...now the bitterness and awkwardness at martial arts is going to be the hard part.

My gut feels like it's been pulled through a meat grinder or something at the moment...I just hope that she reads my reply before going in to training today, so it's not AS BAD....anyway..if she doesnt reply, I'll try talking to her alone when I have the chance, and just say sorry to her.

 

I feel like an IDIOT! and absolute idiot, and I am..

 

Some of you probably don't know the backstory to this all.

 

Basically...I took on a job at my martial arts centre a while ago to pay for training, and so I started doing midday classes before working, the 27 year old was in these classes, and she became more than friendly after about a week of me training there, she got very close to me, touching me, flirting with me, even going to the extent of waiting for me after classes so she could talk to me for a little bit, she made a few sexual hints and signs, she showed alot of signs of attraction towards me...I started feeling attraction for her, it built up, I did nothing about it, I didn't reciprocate with her actions, and eventually, out of nowhere, she stopped the friendliness, and we almost became awkward around one another, eventually, we did, and I asked her out, in a casual way, just to come have coffee after i finish work on tuesday (2 weeks ago I think that was..or last tuesday), she replied by saying she'd feel like a perv, I replied with the next email and wrote that on sunday morning, she replied last night at about 11pm.

 

So that's a short summary...

 

Now, I think just by asking her out, I may have completely ruined any possible friendship aswell...I really didn't want this to turn out all dramatic...but well, it did, and I knew it would, I knew it was all too good to be true, and I was right.

 

I just don't know how to deal with it at training..I mean, I could hardly look at her after the first email she sent me, I don't know why, I just felt stupid I guess, I dunno...but now...sheesh...this is gonna suck!

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Just try to blow it off. She was a little harsh, but most likely she doesn't hate you, she was just trying to be direct, so as not to leave any doubt. You're not an idiot for asking her out, I think it was kind of sweet. So you got rejected. Big deal. Next!

 

So tonight you might if you get a chance just casually say that it's cool if she doesn't want to see you, you just thought you'd ask. And try to act as normal towards her as possible (sans the previous flirting..). I think things can go back to normal.

[hosswhispra]

Wow, you sound really sweet. I know she wanted to get her point accross....but she could have been a little bit softer.

 

Hang in there.

[PhilliesFan001]

Ouch. Sorry to hear that. If you want to salvage any kind of friendship, I'd advice staying at a distance for a bit. If you come at her right away with apologies and hopes to be friends, she may get freaked out.

 

Lay low for a while, and one day just approach her and simply say "I'm sorry things didn't go well and I'm sorry if you felt I was being pushy. But I would really like it if we could at least be friends."

 

Good luck, man.

[Shadow25]

well the email i sent back was very apologetic, I wasnt saying sorry every second word, but I made it clear to her that I realise that It was a very silly misunderstanding, and feel like a moron for it...so whether or not she replies is another question...

 

I did mention that I started becoming attracted to her a while ago when she was more than friendly...I said that, that wasnt her problem, it was mine, and I didn't feel too good about it or something (I can't remember exactly what I said).

 

And basically just said, that it wasnt her problem, I wasnt blaming her for my attraction, I was just pointing out, when and why.

 

Attraction isn't a choice, and since we werent exactly in the best situation at the moment. (She was flirting and carrying on for ages, then STOPPED out of nowhere, and I thought that it was because I didn't show her I was attracted..obviously I was wrong) We don't really talk to one another anymore, and I probably asked at the wrong time as we just...didn't talk to one another...when I tried getting into a conversation, it would be fine, but...other than that, she doesnt say hi anymore, she doesnt ask questions, doesnt flirt or anything...all we did was make eye contact a little bit.

 

So I thought...it's my last chance, I may aswell just ask her, see if she still has a little bit of attraction, I thought that she may of been insecure about going out with a guy of my age, and when she sent the first email saying she'd feel like a perv...I thought 1 of 2 things:

 

1. She is trying to let me down easily, but didn't do a very good job, because I don't understand at all.

 

2. She said she couldnt go out for tuesday, because she had to pick up the daughter, and she was pointing out an insecurity of hers for some reason.

 

So I was stuck between thinking 1 and 2, and I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to be a pest, so I didn't ask her right away if she wanted to go out, I did ask her what she meant by feeling like a perv, but I got no response.

 

As for today, well, It was better than I thought...and...kindof annoying in a way, we RARELY get paired up to do an activity, VERY RARELY, but today, we got paired up several times, and we had a drill, where we had to turn our belts around, have our partner grab the loose bits of the belt and hold us back, while we tried sparring the other person, anyway...it was fun, but then she suggested doing a spinning whip kick, and asked how we do that, so then she kicked straight back and went to whip the foot in my direction...it was kindof playfully, but it was like she really wanted to put that foot accross my face...

 

I just don't understand...every girl I've liked, and have told that I like them, or every girl I ask out, they all just turn bitter, and nasty ...one girl WAS my best friend, and as soon as I told her I liked her, she turned into a b**** and treated me like crap, the others were friends, there was only one girl who was christian and she was nice about it, because she's a nice person in general...shall I say..angelic..

Now, I ask a woman out, a woman who I thought for some strange reason wanted me, but then I ask her out, she has a reaction like that like I was just TRYING to annoy her...which was the very last thing I wanted to do.

 

If I sent her a serious email, and made it seem like a drama..I figured i would get a dramatic reaction and tehre would be a drama...so I send this email, and she gives me a dramatic reaction anyway...just lovely.

 

Anyway...I'm just hoping she doesnt go tell others about it, I asked her not to in my email response, but I'm thinking that maybe she already has told someone...

 

As for keeping my distance, I guess if her and I werent talking to each other much anyway, that we were...keeping our distance (for some weird reason).

It's a bit hard to keep the distance if we train together...

I do think she was harsh, I actually was fairly angered by her email, and how harsh it was, I wasnt implying that her life was BORING and would be EXCITING to spend time with me at all, so I'm stuffed as to why she'd think I was even implying that in the first place...buh!

 

I'm not going to bother with her at all from now on, no point in chasing, it'll only get me into more s***, I honestly don't think I'll be doing martial arts for much longer anyway, I've got some crappy joint problems, and I'm coming up to black belt, my skill has fallen dramatically since I started getting the problems, so I think as soon as I get myself a job (should be sometime this week or next), I'm outta there..well, I might be outta there, I dunno, a part of me wants to stay, because I've been doing martial arts for 3 years a bit now, but a part of me wants to get the hell out of there, because the place just gives me stress at times..

 

Ahwell...It's a long post, I'm tired already, thanks for your support, I appreciate it, I think I'll just try my best to play it cool, like it never even happened, but it's WAY easier said than done.

I'll update the thread when she replies.

[Ipso Fracto Man]

I think you may have sent one email too many, guy. That horse isn't going to get up no matter how hard you beat it. Besides that, regardless of how you put it, you DID say that she led you on. Whether or not that's true, she might now make damn good and sure that she won't be "more than friendly" with you again. Salvage your dignity while you can... don't email her again under any circumstances.

 

That'll be five cents, please.

[Shadow25]

YAY!

 

Something good happened!

 

I sent her another email basically a more understandable one.

 

This is what I said:

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(This email is long, but more understandable than my other one.)

 

I wrote the other email straight after reading your rather... harsh response this morning, and it probably wasnt the right time for me to be responding to what you said, I guess I just wanted to make it clear that I was sorry.

 

I was hoping you'd read it before going to tae kwon do, to save any awkwardness I guess.

 

But yeah...the email probably needs some rewording, I think at the end I made it sound like you led me on...but I didn't mean that at all. Just to save any further trouble.

 

Look, as people have told me, It's better to try and find out, than to be left in wonder until I do try, so I tried, and now I know you're not interested...end of story.

 

So...really, to be completely honest, I'm not sorry, I would be sorry If I was being a pest, and in that case, I'm sorry for this email, but...nah, I'm not sorry, I did something I thought I would never do, I tried, didn't get anywhere...so what, time to move on.

 

I don't want to have any awkwardness in at Tae Kwon Do, I find it hard enough just to say Hi now...even before I asked you out, it felt as though you did not want to talk to me AT ALL, so I didn't bother talking to you.

 

The only thing I'm sorry for is that asking you out has probably made you disrespect me, hate me, or whatever, from the response you gave me, it sounds like I pissed you off... I didn't, and I don't want that, friends is fine (that was all I asked you out as, because we never talk to each other, so maybe it would be a good time to talk... but..I guess even that wasnt going to happen). I'm moving on, I hope that you don't mind friends either, I don't expect you to be all to happy about this all and be great friends with me the next time you see me, but, over time.

 

I don't mean for anything bad to happen, I don't mean to piss you off, I don't want to be a pest, and I won't be a pest from now on, if you are pissed off, perhaps you should cool down a bit before saying anything.

 

so yeah...hopefully this email is more understandable than my other one...if you've read this one first, than I guess you can read the other one if you want, but yeah, better that you know that my other email was all over the shop, and I realise that.

 

Well..that's it, whether you want to respond or not is up to you, I don't expect a response, but if you do respond, try not to be so harsh. I'm trying my best to keep this civilised, it'd be nice if you do the same.

 

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BTW, just a sidenote...I never said your life was BORING, nor did I ever imply it when I asked you out, sorry if what I said came accross that way.

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hey there

 

sorry if you thought I was harsh. unfortunately in situations like this it can come accross that way. I have been feeling a little harassed by you, so that probably came through in my response, but I'm not angry and I'm happy to forget the whole thing. with time the this will be a distant memory, and so will any awkwardness at training. hang in there. you're right, you should never regret trying stuff, but just so you know, the fact that i became less chatty with you was the "obvious" sign that I wasn't interested. but that doesn't mean that we can't be friends. we'll laugh about this one day, i swear.

 

take care.

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And this is what I said in reply

 

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Haha, I'm already laughing about it

 

I was actually kindof worried that the last email I sent you was probably a bad idea aswell, lol, now i'm glad I wrote it.

 

Sorry if I appeared to be harassing you really didn't want it to seem that way

 

Well, you became less chatty with me a long time ago...how could you tell I liked you back then?! I didn't show ANY signs of attraction

 

Grrr, I knew it, you women can read minds, haha, well, I'm glad the situation has lightened up.

 

Talk to you later

 

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So as you can see, it's all good again, I feel happier than I have in a while, I'm just glad that we both know what was going on, etc, and that we can both just...forget about it.

Of course it's not as easy as simply just forgetting about it, but...it will happen, I'm cool with friends..besides, if you read my other thread about a bar maid, you'll know that I have attraction elsewhere, and it might be coming back my way aswell.

 

Thanks for your help people, I appreciate it.

[Ipso Fracto Man]

How cool is that? I was recommending against further emailing because I thought you might only dig yourself in deeper, but you seem to have found the right words to smooth things over. Nicely done.

[Shadow25]

Thanks, I almost took your advice, but since I'd already written an apology email that was nothing but saying sorry for things I wasn't really sorry for, and the email was scrambled, because I wrote it in the morning, the morning I read her harsh response, I was more affected by the way she said it more than what she said.

 

The good thing is, I never expected her to be all happy and cheery about it and want to be going out with me, so thereforeeee I'm not really HURT by the rejection, If I expected way too much, I was of been highly disappointed and pretty wrecked.

Not expecting much, means, rejection is taken alot easier, ALOT easier, almost as if I went rejected, and if something does go right, it's a HUUUUGE surprise, and it's 10 times better than if it was already expected.

 

Sometimes thinking negatively in a situation can bring more good than harm.

 

Anyway, she started being quiet around me a while ago, not just when I asked her out, and really, this is the only time I have appeared to have showed my attraction for her, so I'm stuffed If I know how she figured me out before then, lol.

 

I think my email response was something like this:

 

"haha, I'm already laughing

 

You went quiet a long time ago...how did you know I was attracted to you then, when I showed NO signs of attraction at all?

 

grrrr, it's true, women can read minds.

 

Talk to you later"

 

It was something like that...it'd be funny to see when she found out I was attracted, and how she found out.