Love before sex or sex before love?

[theproman23]

I am a 22 yr old virgin and have had one semi serious gf and thing did'nt work out that great there. She was actually my first kiss and sad to say that was about 4 months ago. It's not that I am unattractive or there's something wrong with me. Ive been real busy the last 4 or 5 yrs with school, 2 jobs, recreation and haning out with friends. I feel that my first time should be with someone special and feel that I should not be pressured in to doing it just so that I can say I did it.

 

well I made friends with someone I work with and have been friends for about a month or 2. He is 25 and is much more experienced than me, sexually and realtionship wise that is. We've gotten comfortable enough to share personal info. with each other. He wants to take me out this weekend and hook me up with one of his firends and assures me I will no longer be a virigin.

 

I am not gay or don't like sex but like I said I would really more comfortbale and it would mean so much more to me if it was someone special. He really wants me to go out with him this weekend so I can get hooked up.

 

Now I would really appreciate opinions from both men and women of all types. Does this seem like I lack self confident or overthinking the situation? Do women find a 22 yr old, inexperienced virgin to be unattractive? Is it dumb for me to refuse an opportunity for sex?

[BornToResist]

No, it is not dumb of you to refuse an opportunity for sex. There will always be more opportunities, but there is only one first time!

 

I think it's really good that you don't want to just rush to lose it. My first time meant something to me and I'm glad it did. I think you should stick to your convictions.

 

I am a 22 year old female and I would think way higher of a guy who is a virgin and waiting for the right time than someone who lost their virginity to just anybody. You have respect for yourself and that's not so common nowdays.

 

In all honesty, if I started dating a guy who was still a virgin, I wouldn't think it was weird. I would totally try to nail him.

[melrich]

Never allow peer pressure to force you into doing something you don't want to do.

 

Take what others think, what they might think, out of the equation and do whichever it is that you want to do.

[BrokenBlackWolf]

i think it is awesome that you are wanting to wait for someone special. and it will make it even better if u truly love the person, than if u just met them, didnt love them, didnt now them, ect. dont let others pressure you, do what you think/feel is right

[Dako]

I vote for waiting for someone who tugs at your heart.

 

Let's say you have a bottle of Chateau d'Yquem you saved for a special occasion. Do you savor it during a beautiful sunset with a dear friend, or toss it back while watching football in your boxers?

[theproman23]

Lol, I love the wine analogy but I've done that before but fully dressed and sitting around waiting for the power to come back on. But I agree, I don't know how to tell him I am not really interested in a one night stand without looking like a wuss. He already made a reference that I don't have a backbone if I refused this weekend (opportunity) to hang out with my ex who I've been hanging out with a lot over the last few months and I love her and would really like her to be my first but I don't think that will happened but I am ok with it. This guy is a pretty nice guy and I think ultimatly he would understand where I am coming from instead of letting it affect our friendship. He just thinks that I would'nt be soo attached to my ex and feel better about things if I got a little bit of experience. Thank you for all the confident words and I feel I should'nt be giving in.

[onewithbooks]

theproman,

 

Experience with women and sex are not the same thing. As a 27 year old woman, I have only made out with a handful of people, and gone all the way with even less. Just because you take that final leap doesnt mean you will feel better about the situation, and once its gone, its gone. If you meet some one and an intense make out session ensues that might give you a little more confidence and reassure you that women still find you attractive and that you are can find someone that isnt your ex. That in my opinion might help more that making a decision that you cant take back.

[justpaisley]

Do women find a 22 yr old, inexperienced virgin to be unattractive?

 

I married a 23-year-old, inexperienced virgin. It's worked out wonderfully for us!

 

Do what you feel is comfortable. Your first time will be so much more special if it's with someone you care for deeply, and who cares for you. You don't want to be an "inexperienced virgin" with someone who doesn't care about you - that person is just going to go out and talk about you behind your back, or be unsatisfied. Someone that cares for you won't do either.

[Cardinal]

I think it is going to be pretty unanimous that we think you should wait for someone special. You already have a serious conviction about it.

 

I had completely different convictions and was very happy with my choice to accept a similar deal that was offered to me by a member of the opposite sex. I felt really shy about being a virgin and my confidence with women was terrible. That changed after my first encounter.

 

I think in your case however you really need to stand up for what you believe in. Your friend has some good intentions, especially if he is trying to help you get over a woman you will never truly be with again....but his approach isn't what you want and you need to let him know that.

 

Honestly, I would go to the party. Have a good time with your friends. Spend some quality time getting to know new women. But hold your ground and tell your friend you wish to wait for sex. There is a lot of fun you can have with a good friends and remain a virgin.

[hosswhispra]

Do women find a 22 yr old, inexperienced virgin to be unattractive? Is it dumb for me to refuse an opportunity for sex?

 

No, actually on the contrary, I would find you MORE attractive compared to your 25 year old friend.

 

I would wait until you're in love. Personally, I would wait until I was married.

[theproman23]

I feel proud but sometimes I can't help but think I am a little uptight about this stuff. I am very picky about women so I am a but confused but I think I am gonna do the right thing and wait for someone special.

[hosswhispra]

I feel proud but sometimes I can't help but think I am a little uptight about this stuff. I am very picky about women so I am a but confused but I think I am gonna do the right thing and wait for someone special.

 

You should be proud and picky. Don't settle for crumbs. As a female, I really respect a man like you.

[Day_Walker]

It all depends on the kind of person you are, I have known guys who just wanted to do it to get it over and some who wanted to wait. It all depends on your personality, if you think waiting would be best then do so.

[Deviant_Kate]

Don't let this guy pressure you into doing something you don't think you're ready for. If you want to wait for someone special, wait for someone special. The RIGHT girl won't be turned off by your virgin status. If your friend is as decent as you think he is, he should understand that you don't want to rush into making this decision.