Should I be his friend??

[linda5]

Okay...so I met this nice guy online 3 months ago. Everything went so well until recently he became very distant to me. Last night, we watched football game together and after the game he was sort of avoiding talking to me. I asked him if everything was okay and he said that things may not be good between us. Then I said if that how he felt then we just stop seeing each other. He didn't like that...he still prefers to see me but at the same time I can go out with other people. He said he really doesn't know what he wants, he's very attracted to me; smart, sweet, artistic.....but he doesn't think we click. He wants to stay friends and in the future if we are meant to be together then let it be. I like him a lot, start to have feeling for him and didn't plan to see anyone else beside him. But after what he told me, I felt I was rejected. So I just wished him luck in everything. He hoped that I will call him in the future. The question is should I stay friend with him?? Or just forget about the whole thing and move on. I'm doing fine, just a little sad about how things turned out. He posted his profile again on line this morning. Any advice??

[in_the_mirror]

if you keep hanging out with him even though it is just as friends you might find yourself not looking at other people because you want to be with him, and you could get hurt if he finds someone to date...i say if you do stay friends that you only hang out once in awhile.

[Meow18]

I agree with in_the_mirror.

 

In my opinion, friendship right now might not be best because you will continue developing feelings for him most likely. And it will hurt you when you find out that he is seeing other people.

 

I just think you need to give yourself time and if you want to keep a friendship, then keep a limited friendship.. like one where you only talk sometimes and you don't hang out much.

 

This doesn't have to go on forever, just until you are at a place where you feel like you won't be hurt if you see him with another person.

[Scout]

Hi, Linda...first, sorry to hear about your break up. I understand the rejection is painful, but try not to beat yourself up over that. We all experience, at some point, someone letting us know they don't have the same feelings. It sounds like he was trying to let you down as gently as possible, because he realizes you're a terrific girl, but for whatever reasons, not the "right" match for him.

 

And that's ok! It doesn't mean you aren't a perfect match for someone else. At least he had the honesty to tell you, instead of doing the dreaded fade-out where you never hear from him again and have no idea why. Sadly, many people can and do take that cowardly approach. (sorry, side rant!)

 

I think you should definitely take his words as facts. Don't hope for a reconcilation. Don't hold on to hope he'll change his mind.

 

And I also think you should go into NC. For yourself. Right now is too soon to be friends, you have to let yourself recover from the break up. There is no way that will happen if you attempt to make an immediate transition to being "Friends."

 

What's more, you are not there for the purpose of being his friend, to alleviate his loneliness while he searches for "Ms. Right."

 

Give it time, a lot of time, before you attempt to being friends with him. By the time you are over him, you probably won't care if you two are friends, anyway.

[Jayar]

You can be his friend, just know that if you have hope of it developing into more, you are probably not gonna get it. Even if he does decide to be with you on some relationship level in the future, the relationship probably will never be what you hope.