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Confidence / dealing with paranoia and insecurity


Mattie
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Basically, I'm in an amazing relationship where we tell each other we love each other everyday and we're always talking about the future and how happy we are to be together.

 

So, what's the problem? Sometimes, I get scared that my girlfriend will get a better offer and leave me. It's crazy I know! She's not doing anything to make me feel like this, but I can't help but get scared. I'm going to university next week (45 miles away) and really don't want to go away not feeling 100% confident in our relationship.

 

The more it goes on, the more she will get annoyed. How can I boost my own self confidence so that I'm not pushing her away?

 

Any advice would be great! Thank you!

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Hey man, I know exactly how you feel right now.

The thing that works best for me is just concentrating on all the great aspects of the relationship, try to push the fear out of your mind,

Try to remember the last time she said/did something that made you feel warm inside, and hold on to the thought.

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I think when one person goes to uni, yes it does introduce a new risk factor into a relationship. I'm sorry if this sounds like bad news but statistics aren't in your favour (unless they're vastly different in the US from the UK).

 

Usually it is the person who goes to uni who meets someone else and dumps the person at home.

 

Good luck.

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We went out for dinner last night and we then came back to mine. I bought her a present yesterday and made her do a treasure hunt to find it. She said it was the most original thing anybody has ever done for her.

 

Anyway, the other night, she was next to me on the sofa and she was getting texts from a guy that I don't know. I didn't see a great deal, but one text said: "You looked amazing last night" and something said "You never told me you had a boyfriend..."... it's probably nothing, but it's freaked me out a bit.

 

I don't get why I'm feeling like this, my girlfriend tells me she loves me and she's always talking about the future and the things we're going to do. She's told me that her new job hours are really suited to seeing me and stuff.

 

But, deep down, what scares the sh** out of me more than anything is that she's going to get distracted by all the attention she gets and forget about me when I move away. I know it's crazy to think that, but I was in the same situation a few years ago, only it was the other way around. My then girlfriend was going to uni and I became casual about the whole thing and started meeting up with other people when she went. But, that was me and I know it's unfair to assume things are going to happen. I have no reason to feel the way I do, but it's just eating away at me.

 

That said, I remember reading somewhere that physical attraction is going to happen no matter how happy you are in a relationship. But, when you've got somebody's heart, you'll never stray. That makes sense I guess.

 

I really don't want to be this controlling and paranoid boyfriend. It's not that I don't trust her. The guys chasing her are all 18 and I know what I was like when I was 18.

 

Sorry, I'm ranting. When I'm with my girlfriend, everything is great. There's no reason for me to fear. I just get these fears. I know it's come from past experiences. I know that the past has nothing to do with the girl I am with now, but you ALL know how easy it is to let previous experiences haunt you.

 

But, tell me this, you don't talk about the future and tell each other you're so happy if you don't feel that way right?

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Well I'm married and yes I do meet other girls/women I find attractive and not just physically and yes, I do like attention, as you don't get much when you're over 50

 

BUT

 

I have never crossed the line and been unfaithful.

 

I think it's unlikely that she'll hook up with any of these 18-year-olds.

 

Good luck.

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But, tell me this, you don't talk about the future and tell each other you're so happy if you don't feel that way right?

 

Realistically yes, some people lie or say things just because it's easier.

But if you love her, you trust her right?

If she's taken the time to earn your trust you really have nothing to worry about......

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Well, here I am at university. I'm getting on and meeting loads of new people. But, what's eating away at me is how my girlfriend really doesn't seem the same.

 

She'll only reply to my messages and even then she seems really distant.

 

But at the same time, she was crying on Sunday morning before I went to uni. I'm really confused, at the moment, I just don't feel wanted.

 

Am I making sense?

 

If it was the other way round, I'd be missing her and contacting her all the time. I certainly wouldn't be aloof and withdrawn.

 

 

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Basically, I'm in an amazing relationship where we tell each other we love each other everyday and we're always talking about the future and how happy we are to be together.

 

So, what's the problem? Sometimes, I get scared that my girlfriend will get a better offer and leave me. It's crazy I know! She's not doing anything to make me feel like this, but I can't help but get scared. I'm going to university next week (45 miles away) and really don't want to go away not feeling 100% confident in our relationship.

 

The more it goes on, the more she will get annoyed. How can I boost my own self confidence so that I'm not pushing her away?

 

Any advice would be great! Thank you!

 

You are dangerously close to becoming another "nice guy" dumped due to his own insecurities.

 

My advice to you is simple. Be happy with who you are, and never, EVER hide your flaws. A lot of men I see feel as if they have to walk on eggshells around their women, and never show any sign of imperfection. The truth my friend is this: You aren't prefect. But niether is she. Rather, the question is: Are you perfect for eachother?

 

Find out what MAKES YOU happy. Not what makes HER happy. If you aren't happy with yourself, than find out why. Because you cant be happy with another person if you aren't happy with yourself first. Know you who are, and how great you are. Know your flaws and weaknesses. But do not worry about hiding them. Too many men try to be perfect and hide their flaws in lieu of focusing on their good qualities.

 

JUST BE YOU. If she doesn't like it than screw her. But chances are, she likes you just the way you are. The trick is my friend is to have the mind set where SHE is the lucky one to be with you. Not vice versa.

 

You can do this!

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