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True Friends?


bigheart09
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Is it possible to have friends for almost 10 years and then realize after all this time that they might not be the friend you thought they were? I think that I have grown apart from them in the past 6 months, b/c of my boyfriend and her boyfriend. I dont even feel sad that we are not that close anymore. Does that make me a bad person?

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Sure it's possible, if a couple can grow apart why can't a friendship? Don't feel sad, be happy that you had the experience of having that friend for 10 yrs and wish her well.

Who knows maybe in ten yrs you two will still be in contact even if only an occasional note to say hi or you'll bump into each other at a party.

 

Stay Safe

T

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Nope. It's just the nature of relationships...particularly those formed when you were young.

 

People grow and change over time, and there is no guarantee that the ways you grow and change in the years to come are going to be compatible with the ways people in your life right now are going to grow and change.

 

I believe all relationships have a shelf life. People come into our lives for a reason...usually it's either to teach us or to learn from us...and when that purpose is fulfilled, we go our separate ways. This is true of friendships, employer-employee relationships, and yes, even romantic relationships. I've also noticed that with friendships, there's a very strong geographic factor involved in how active a friendship will be in your life at any given time.

 

If you're lucky, you will keep in touch with a handful of people over time. For me, it's my ex college bf (known each other 22 years, the romantic relationship broke up some 15 years ago), a gal I've known since we were both in 7th grade together, and a couple people I know from my last job...one of whom I worked with for 20 years. Since I don't live in the same city as any of those folks my contact with them is generally limited to email/phone anymore....and even at that, we're talking once every few months.

 

If you don't miss your friend all that often and you're not sad that you're not as close as you once were, it sounds to me like the active part relationship just ran its course for the time being. Who knows what the future will bring? Unless they've gotten into some sort of illegal activity or something else you strongly disagree with, there's no need to cut them out of your life....but there's also no need for her/them to be an active part of your life right now, either. Send a Christmas card or birthday greetings....and if your lives get to a point where you have more things in common again, the door is open to be part of a more active friendship at that time.

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I've got some friends that I've been friends with for 20+ years, but even them, we haven't hung out nonstop for that entire 20 years. We just keep in touch now and then, sometimes spending more time together, and sometimes less. Sometimes not hearing from eachother for years.

 

I've learned to expect to enjoy my friends while we have common interests, and to let them go during the times when we don't.

 

Just like everyone said. You may be spending a lot of time with certain friends for months or years, and then you take on different interests, and you drift apart. Sometimes you can reconnect in the future. And new friends do always come in. It's very true that friendships come and go. It doesn't necessarily mean that you've fought or that you don't get along, you've just taken different paths for the time being.

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I didnt mention this before, but we live together and she is moving in with her boyfriend in a couple months and I am going to buy my own place. She doesnt like my boyfriend and everytime he does something bad, she thinks I am in an abusive relationship. This is also a factor of why we are growing apart. We cant even talk about things without her getting emotional about my relationship with my bf. I feel that if he wasnt in the pic, maybe we would still be close.

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If he does a lot of bad stuff, and you tell her about it alot, then I guess I can see her point. I've had friends that I would get frustrated by that, they're being treated bad, and complain about it and I keep suggesting they dump him, but they won't listen. Maybe that's not the case with you and your friend, though?

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