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He's talking to someone else and I was told!


kimmie11479
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So I have found out that my ex is talking to someone else and it was about a week or two after we broke up. Now I'm going to die. It's been two whole months and I'm still not over him. I went out tonight and of course met a lot of people but I'm just not ready. What is wrong with me, how can he do this after 2 years and why can't I get over it? Why is it so easy for him? I have been hit on by many men and all I do is get sick to my stomach and tell them to leave me be. (nicely of course) Why is this happening to me? It's just not fair in my eyes. Why is it so easy for a guy to just move on??? What can I do to become the same way? I hate this and would do anything to get out of it at this point. Any advice would be appreciated.

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first of all, it's totally normal not to be over it in two months. most people aren't.

 

i wonder why this person told you your ex was talking to someone else. that is NOT information you need to be hearing. i'd tell whoever it is that told you to shut it from here on out. tell friends and mutual friends that you don't want any news about him, or not to talk about him unless you bring him up first.

 

so, why is it that your ex is out looking for other women? a lot of people on this board will tell you that since the dumper has had more time to think about ending the relationship, he's usually over it sooner, while you're still not over it, blah blah blah. i'm sure you've seen that notion discussed here in other threads. i think there's a lot of truth to that.

 

my guess is he's just looking for a rebound girl, someone to provide a soft landing and make him miss the relationship less. i bet he's lonely. i have to confess, i've broken up with a person only once before, and i was out on the prowl pretty soon after. granted, it was never a very serious relationship, so i didn't need a lot of recovery time. but thinking about the next guy made me miss my ex a lot less. maybe you can take a cue from your ex and start getting used to the idea of meeting other people, of dating. i understand if that's too hard to do right now though.

 

it's terrible that you had to hear that. i know it's not easy, especially that soon. but i think the best thing to do is realize that he is not your problem anymore. you are no longer part of each other's lives, so stop involving yourself in his. the sooner you start living your life fully and reclaim the part that you gave over to him, the happier you'll be for it. push what he's doing out of your head, it's not real, it doesn't matter. what's real is that you are wonderful and you have a great life to live and tons of great men to meet. realize that you mean more and are better than some girlie he's picked up to get over you.

 

and since you asked...yes, i think it was a bad idea to tell him you know. you two aren't committed to each other anymore. it really--sorry if this sounds harsh--is not your business.

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I wonder the same Kimmie, how he can move on soo easily.. what joyce said he is true i feel. he is looking for a soft landing to forget. He has had more time than we did...it has been a month for me and my situation is worse because we have a kid together so when I do see him it all comes back and feels like I am starting from square one. I get sick to my stomach thinking of being with someone else too. He is the one and only for me always will be. And i know people tell me that will change but I dont think so. I married him for a reason and the reason didnt matter to him. I tell myself that he just wasnt ready or grown up enough to handle marriage and a kid. I tell my self a lot of things like its better this way hoping one day that I will believe it. Hang in there, do what you have to do to get by...baby steps is right..one small step as another day passes.

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I’m not sure why these people offer me info. About my ex. I would rather not hear it but sometimes I would like to now what goes on in his life so I don’t deter the information. I don’t want to make him look like a jerk, because you all know that I love him very much. I would love to explain the whole thing and obtain advice that way but it seems like every time I try to write about it I become flustered and don’t know if I even have all the events or understand myself exactly what happened to us. So I did talk to him and he assured me that it was false information. But that leads me to the question of why this person would tell me something like this. This all hurts beyond my control, I really have never been this way in my life and I have been heart broken before. I guess as you get older these type of things take a beating on you.

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that's fine if you don't want to put a complete stop to the information flow. but the way i see it, it means you have to be comfortable with two things:

 

1. the possibility of difficult information coming into your life AT ANY TIME, and

2. the inevitability of such information (that he is dating someone else) coming to you.

 

you say you still love him very much, so i'll take a guess that the reason you don't want to stop the information flow is because you are still caring for him and still want to be a part of his life. you can be a part of his life, but i think most would agree that it will be of great emotional cost to you.

 

i was like you, i avoided telling my friends point-blank to stop giving me information for several months. i think i finally broke down at about three months. ultimately i found it to be a great thing.

 

i think people don't even REALIZE how hurtful that kind of information is to a brokenhearted person, which is why they stupidly let it slip. or sometimes, they want to be the bearer of bad news because they like being the one "in the know." it's horrible, though.

 

one of my girlfriends broke her "vow of silence" to me recently and her place within my circle of friends is very much being questioned right now. it shouldn't have to hurt you on a regular basis to be friends with someone, and no one should try to involve herself in the romantic relationships of her friends.

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