What makes a person relationship material?

[flutterby]

I have recently been told by a guy that he is very attracted to me but not in a relationship sort of way.... when I questioned further he said that he couldnt explain it he is just either sees a girl that way or not.

 

I have often found this to be the case with other guys too even though they havent come out and just said it... but in the end when relationship came up they didnt want that although I was good to fool around with, even though I dont have sex unless I am in a relationship.

 

I have been single for 3 years now and i am very picky and always seem to have someone that I am interested in and them in me... for awhile...but for the life of me it never goes anywhere!

 

Is there something that I am not doing or saying that enables them to not see me as realtionship material? I do tend to kind of stay on the surface sort of as far as conversation goes and that could possibly be part of it I guess... but what sort of things should I bring up in conversation to make a person see what I am really all about and to try to form a connection?

[LostInMyThoughts]

Do you think it's possible that these guys fooled around with you, and are saying this to spare your feelings?

 

It's okay to be picky about your relationship partners, but make sure you have *realistic* expectations. I know others will say "never settle for less than prince charming" but that is as ridiculous as a guy expecting to date a Barbie-doll looking woman.

 

How long do your normal relationships last?

[flutterby]

My last relationship ended after 7 months when I found him cheating on me. The one before that was 6 months ended in cheating as well on his part. For the last 3 years have not really been in a relationship cause they never get off the ground, they only want one thing from me????

[butterflydreamer]

I experience kinda the same thing but I'm more aware that they are not relationship material. It's because we have certain expectations and we are catagorized as "picky".

 

Don't be discouraged though. One day we will know he is the right one. Good Luck!

 

"My last relationship ended after 7 months when I found him cheating on me. The one before that was 6 months ended in cheating as well on his part. For the last 3 years have not really been in a relationship cause they never get off the ground, they only want one thing from me????"

 

OK....maybe their is a pattern of the guys you are picking. Do any of these guys have anything in common? Tell me more about yourself...............

[LostInMyThoughts]

A couple things: while this isn't a slam on you, I believe we attract a certain type of partner. Your last two partners turned out to be cheaters. Is there something in them that you recognize as being common that you're attracted to?

 

Secondly, where are you going to meet the guys who are only interested in one thing?

[RufusDawes]

Lower your standards

Works a treat

[Dazzerg]

I am in a similar boat - except I am most often seen as just friendship material. I dont know - i think there is a different kind of chemistry from friends to partners and that's it. Sometimes it comes down to sex i think. Most people wouldnt want or be able to look at their friends in a sexual way but your partners you have to 'fancy' in some way.

[SarahRose]

I'm not sure what I am.

 

i've had a few guys who were so into me and wanted to marry me but I just didn't feel the same about them.

 

I lived with my now ex husband for quite a few years and finally *I* asked him to marry me and he said yes.

 

I guess I don't understand why some other women they get the guy to propose right away and people like me well it just doesn't happen or it drags on so long. I admit I'm not that keen on marriage but I'm just talking about my past here and my general experiences with relationships.

 

I am told that I am great. I'm fun to be around with, very understanding, pretty much let the guy do what he wants(if he wants to play video games all day 2 days straight, it doesn't bother me cause I'm busy with my own things...that type of thing)

I'm an excellent cook. I love sex. I've been told I'm beautiful. I'm college educated and have a great career.

 

This is what men have told me but why no proposals?

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I personally want someone with depth.

 

With GUTS.

 

With brains, and the capacity to have deep conversations.

 

And they must not look particularly like they will embarress me in public.

[NJRon]

It sounds that, while you have "high standards", you aren't particularly challenging if they meet those standards. If you let the guy get away with everything, many guys will get bored. While that's not the case all around... it happens more often than not.

 

My suggestion is be a bit more of a challenge so that they have to invest themselves in you more. By not investing themselves, they won't feel a strong connection. I'm not saying "play hard to get" so much as saying "Allow yourself to be more demanding".

 

Otherwise, you seem to be just attracting guys that are fine with a little ride on the SarahRose train but will get off when they find something more interesting... even if it is far below what you have to offer.

 

As for connection... speak to what is important to you. What *really* matters.

[Carnatic]

I've always felt aswell that there was some elusive 'boyfriend material' quality that I was lacking as I was unable to put my finger on why me or anyone else considers the idea of me in a relationship as so absurd.

[talo]

You say you are very picky. I wonder what you are attracted to? What you pick?

 

For example, there are 'surface dwellers' that are into show, gloss, glamour, but not depth. These type of people hook up and then wonder what to do next. They have the catch and that is the end of it. They have arrived. But this soon gets boring as there is no depth.

 

You ask about connection. Connection is being connected at depth, with depth. It is being deep. Being deep is being interested in what makes things tick, what motivates, what is this life really all about. 'Deep dwellers' are not interested in what is on the surface, what is 'on show', what is apparent. They dive deep. They want to know; they want to find out. They are interested and interesting. They are not bored nor boring.

 

Surface dwellers attract surface dwellers and deep dwellers attract deep dwellers. There is a scale of dwelling places in between these two extremes. Whereabouts are you? Whereabouts do you find your pickings?

[NJRon]

Again Talo.. a very insightful post.

[talo]

Again Talo.. a very insightful post.

 

Thank you Ron. Your comment is appreciated. I try to keep my horse hitched to that insight post, but it often breaks the hitch and goes out of sight

[NJRon]

I empathize... becoming quite the rustler myself.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Whoa who ever said anything about glitz and glamour? Only you, as far as I can see.

 

There are other, far less shallow qualities that some of us spend our time worrying about. I personally am picky about things like: He must not be abusive, he must not be a drunk, he must not be a cheater. To he** with all that showy stuff you were talking about, that's the small stuff.

[talo]

There is a scale of dwelling places in between these two extremes.

 

From my above post.

[Belle]

you aren't particularly challenging if they meet those standards. If you let the guy get away with everything, many guys will get bored. While that's not the case all around... it happens more often than not.

 

My suggestion is be a bit more of a challenge so that they have to invest themselves in you more. By not investing themselves, they won't feel a strong connection. I'm not saying "play hard to get" so much as saying "Allow yourself to be more demanding".

 

I second that. There's a book called why men marry bittches. I'd read it. over and over. I promise if you start behaving a certain way to let guys know that you're not putting up with nonsense, they tend to react favorably. Sounds counterintuitive but it's not. It doesn't advocate being cruel or overly demanding. But it's written for girls that tend to be too easy going and doormats. No guy I know is attracted long to a doormat.

[Closure]

Someone you find attractive, someone whose good in bed, someone whose on your wavelength.

 

That's all anyone needs.

[NJRon]

Actually.. not necessarily... I have 13 things... You only hit 3 of mine...

 

Though I know that not *all* 13 things may be there... I look for better than 3 out of them. There are also two dealbreakers.. which are a whole other thing.

 

If those are yours... then you should be set for life with a steady stream

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I second that. There's a book called why men marry bittches. I'd read it. over and over. I promise if you start behaving a certain way to let guys know that you're not putting up with nonsense, they tend to react favorably. Sounds counterintuitive but it's not. It doesn't advocate being cruel or overly demanding. But it's written for girls that tend to be too easy going and doormats. No guy I know is attracted long to a doormat.

 

Hmmm...good thoughts to ponder. I guess I also tend to assume that since I tend to be fairly easy going and I have a no-nag policy, guys would appreciate that, but I guess there's a time and place for everything.

[Closure]

Actually.. not necessarily... I have 13 things... You only hit 3 of mine...

 

Though I know that not *all* 13 things may be there... I look for better than 3 out of them. There are also two dealbreakers.. which are a whole other thing.

 

If those are yours... then you should be set for life with a steady stream

 

It's just horses for course really NJ, I find that inclusion is better than exclusion and if you have more to choose from then hopefully you'll make the right decision eventually.

 

God damn your checklist though, do you carry it in your pocket?

[NJRon]

I probably should start... I find that everytime something doesn't work out.. I refer back to it and do a *forehead slap*.

 

Is "horses for course" slang for something? Like, 6 of one, half-dozen of another?

 

I find that exclusion is better than inclusion... I prefer intimate gatherings.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Mine is definitely bigger than those three but probably shorter than 13.

[Closure]

I probably should start... I find that everytime something doesn't work out.. I refer back to it and do a *forehead slap*.

 

Is "horses for course" slang for something? Like, 6 of one, half-dozen of another?

 

I find that exclusion is better than inclusion... I prefer intimate gatherings.

 

Horses for courses, basically, what fit's in the right place for any given person.

 

You have 13 points, I have 3, easy as that