Help FAST!!! Should i ask this?!?!?!?!?!

[xentez]

no thats the point i asked if everything was ok and she always said that it was. everything was fine. i tried to talk to her ask her if she had anything on her mind and yet she maintained that everything was ok right up till friday afternooon and we all know what happened after that.

 

thats the point i am sooooo confused. everything i have thought of turns out not to be something. i have tried talking to her, everything ok, asked bout our future, everything ok

 

confused as {mod edit}

 

xen

[annie24]

well... everything was not ok.

 

it may take several months or years until it becomes clear. For me, it sometimes took that long to really take some steps back and see what was wrong with the relationship. I too thought that everything was fine, but looking back on it a few years later, i saw that everything was NOT fine at all!

 

please stop swearing, I am getting tired of editing the posts, I will start removing posts that have swearing in them.

[xentez]

yer but like you said when she came back to me and wanted to work things out surely she would have said something and not kept quiet about it. why would she come back and then keep everything locked up so nothing could be fixed if poss

 

xen

[annie24]

she is very young. 18. she probably doesn't have the relationship skills to be able to identify exactly what was wrong and communicate that to you in a manner that was clear. that in itself is a sign she is not ready for marriage.

[xentez]

sorry bout the swaering bit tipsy sooooo.... sorry

 

but another thing is she has told her best friend who is a couple of months younger than her and already has a 11 month old baby that she wished she had her life (as in baby). see what i mean about be as confused as f......... sorry i will leave it there

 

i reallly dont understand how we go to this stage when all she has told me since we have been together has pretty much become a reality. she wanted marriage, i propsed (not straight away bout 7 months later), she wanted kids young (so do i. i want kids in 2/3 years time max 4. i want to be a young dad) everything that she said she wanted in life in the early stages of our relationship (which everyone seems to agree with i.e. family friends etc) have pretty much come true. only thing that is (was) left was to move into our own house but yet she knows we was workin on that

 

xen

[annie24]

when you two were breaking up and got back together again, didn't you ever ask her why she was breaking up with you? like, more specifically than "It doesn't feel right?"

[xentez]

no i didnt ask specifically but i asked what was the matter and she said that she needed some time alone. we had been living together in each other's pockets since about 2 months after we met so....

 

xen

[friscodj]

I'd like to chime in here and say whatever went down, didn't "just happen" in 12 hours unless something really major happened...I suspect she's been detaching from this for a while...perhaps she was fighting the nagging feeling that things weren't right and was doing so by talking about the future so much...what she was really doing was trying to talk herself into that scenario...

[xentez]

ok cool but i still want to sit down and talk to her about it. she was the love of my life and i have always said to my self that i would only propse to the right girl cause i didnt want to be hurt. now its happened.

 

how can i get her to jus meet for a coffee and talk even tho i know she prob wouldnt.

 

xen

[annie24]

You can't hold a gun to her head and make her talk!

 

If you really really want to talk to her, and have exhausted yourself thinking of why her feelings about the relationship changed, then just pick up the phone, call her, leave a message if she doesn't answer and tell her that you would like to have one last meeting over coffee.

 

if she calls you back, be cool and suggest a time and place for coffee. if she doesn't, then you also have your answer.

[xentez]

ok cheers still dont understand why she would say yes to marrying me and phoning her mum at 5 in the morning "cause she was so happy". wouldnt she jus say not at the moment or something. i dunno how womens minds work. say one thing mean the other

 

xen

[annie24]

ok cheers still dont understand why she would say yes to marrying me and phoning her mum at 5 in the morning "cause she was so happy". wouldnt she jus say not at the moment or something. i dunno how womens minds work. say one thing mean the other

 

xen

 

noo.... this isn't a "woman" thing. i think your ex just is still young, and things probably didn't feel right, but she was unsure why, and like we said, didn't know how to express her unhappiness with the relationship. I am 26 and still having a hard time telling bfs when I am unhappy with the relationship.

[xentez]

ok cool so you think my best bet would be to phone her on wednesday afternoon, and leave a message about meeting up for a coffee? do you really think that she might consider it. not sain she will or wont but in your previous experiences, if i rung you up being the dumpee would you meet me for coffee????

 

xen

[annie24]

well, not even on wednesday afternoon, just not on a friday or saturday night.

 

In my experiences years ago, I found that when I asked the guy who broke up with me for more clarification, he did give me more. However, that was never what gave me closure. Closure always had to come from inside myself. Because for every question he answered, it just raised another 10 questions.

[xentez]

ok cheers annie24.

 

need to get some sleep now. half 2 in the morn here. i expect i will prob post some other weird post tomorro morning/afternoon.

 

o well

 

you have been a great help. even jus talking to you about her has kinda taken her off my mind compared to a couple of hours ago. it seems weird cause i am talking about her but yet not thinking of her

 

thanks annie 24

 

xen

[annie24]

no problem. we are all here for you anytime. good night, get some rest.

[xentez]

sorry one last thing. i am going to a nightclub 2morro night (lads nite etc etc) what if she is there do i say hello and be polite or jus ignore her. i still get on with er bro + sis etc.

 

xen

[annie24]

tell her hello and that you would like to talk to her at some point in the near future over coffee. best not to have a serious conversation such as that one over alcohol.

[xentez]

ok will do. thanks annie i expect i will prob post same time tomorro nite drunk and crying etc etc

 

thanks for talking to me and the advice

 

love ya all

 

xen

[annie24]

it's ok to be drunk and crying, just lock up your cell phone and don't e-mail her!

[laboheme]

I admit that after the breakup I called my ex and asked him to tell me what went wrong, what aspects of my behavior led to him losing the loving feeling -- yes, saying that I would like to know that for future reference. He said that I basically know all that (I do, yes) and that he does not feel right sitting there and listing the things he doesn't like about me. I respected his decision and am now going by what I think I did wrong...

 

So, don't be surprised if your ex doesn't feel comfortable criticizing you or your relationship. If you broke up on bad terms, I can see a bitter ex hurling insults at you and telling you every little thing she hated...but if it was more amicable, I think it's perfectly reasonable for someone to not answer when they're asked to list their significant other's faults...