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Friends... Differrent Schools... Now Attracted


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I knew this girl in highschool. She and I saw one another a lot in school, and occasionally out of school. She was fairly introverted, but had a few close friends. We conversed online a great deal, even though we lived very close to one another. While in retrospect it's inconcievable, it made sense at the time...


We graduated. Over the summer I worked more than 40 hours a week and did little else (I barely saw her). We now go to different schools, both out of our home state. For various reasons, her and I are both planning on transferring to in-state schools - potentially the same one, but worst case they'd be a few hours away.


I want to be with her. Whether the feeling is mutual is a topic of near constant internal debate. A nagging voice tells me there is only one way to find out...


We talk online often. Practically every day, at varying levels of seriousness. Sometimes I feel it's completely obvious, she feels exactly the way I do... at other times I wonder if I'm completely deluded, I'm just a friend to her...


So here's the question. Common wisdom dictates that long distance relationships can work, but it's extremely difficult. One of the crucial factor's in making it work is having an end point in mind. We are long distance, we would have an endpoint (transferring to the same or nearby schools). Is it even remotely sensical to startoff this way? The way I see it I have several options:


* Tell her how I feel online. This seems... impersonal at best. I'd really rather not.

* Ask her for a phone number, call her, tell her. I don't really like phones, and I've never done anything personal over them, so there is a level of personal discomfort here, but I could suck it up if nessecary. Asking for her phonenumber would be melodramatic to say the least... "I have something really important to tell you, what's your number?"... I'm obviously not about to tell her uncle ned died, so unless I find some creative way of getting her number, this is very close to just telling her online, as she'd probably guess what this is about.


For these two options we would essentially be starting the relationship long distance. That strikes me as a bad thing. So I could...


* Wait until thanksgiving (see more below) or winter break, when we will both be in town, to tell her in person.


But we then would then be promptly separated. If only I could...


* Wait until summer.


And if the feeling is mutual, the relationship could proceed normally!


The disadvantages to waiting are the inherent dishonesty in doing so and the potential awkwardness of this deceit (which has existed for some time, as these feelings have been very gradual in their onset). There is also the distinct possibility that a good looking, intelligent, single college freshman may not remain so. See more on this below...


* Wait until we're both at the same school, continue being friends, see what happens.


See above for disadvantages. This seems like a cowardly way out, but then again, I don't know her all that well... were're friends, but not excellent friends... do I want to get to know her better platonically? That's the reasoning that kept me from saying anything in highschool, which got me into this mess. On the other hand, it probably wouldn't have worked out in higschool.


I guess that leaves...


* Wonder for the rest of my life what could have been.


I origionally wrote up this question and then decided not to post it, because I had made up my mind. I was going to tell her in person on thanksgiving break, when we would both be in town. She does not seem certain she'll be coming back though, so winter break would be the next opportunity. To further complicate matters she left an away message saying she was at a movie with [insert male name here]. Before going away she said some had "convinced" her to go. Now, I think I know her pretty well, and I don't really imagine her getting together with someone in the next few months, but I'd hate to tell her at break and hear in response that she was involved with someone because she thought I didn't see anything in her...


So what do I do? Tell her online now, or wait until break (the longest possible wait would be 90 or so days till winter break)?

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Wow, you have put a lot of thought into this. I would work it up progressively. If she is interested too, then you two should be able to move at the same pace. The first step would be to confirm her willingness to give you her phone number. I mean, if you can't get that, it's not really going to go anywhere.


Then have some phone conversations. See if you click more on the phone... you need to make her more interested. See how you porceed down that line a bit and re-evaluate.

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