Contact With Ex's Mother!!!! HELP!!

[xentez]

heres the deal

 

broke up with g/f on friday. she has been well over past few days about tieing up loose ends with belongings etc.

 

i now know that i dont want her back, and i know we cant be friends. i still love her and want to be friends but i jus have a feeling that i know she wont want any of it.

 

i am prepared for that. i feel that i am over her (even tho its only been a few days).

 

thing is tho i am really close with her mum. have spoken to her over the past few days about the break up etc and she says " u know i will always be here for you" and that she wants me to keep her posted with upcoming job interviews and hospital visits (need a heart moniter for a few days (only 20 )).

 

do you think this is right or wrong. should i keep in contact or cut it off alltogether

 

advice needed

 

xen

[BellaDonna]

It's really up to you.

 

Were you and the ex together for a long time? Sometimes when a couple splits it's not only losing a partner, but also a family bond that has formed with your in-laws.

 

However, if I were in your situation I would not keep contact. I think it makes it harder to move on.

 

In situations like these, I personally think you're better off sticking close to your own family and friends, if possible.

 

BellaDonna

[xentez]

we was together a 15 months but we were engaged to be married.

 

i am really really close to her mother in particular. i was close to her father too (hey have separated a long time) but he has turned a bit sour towards me since the break up cause she is his only child.

 

i dont know what to do cause i still wanna keep in contact cause real close to her.

 

xen

[BellaDonna]

How is your relationship with your mother?

 

 

BellaDonna

[xentez]

good at times. mainly close but we have our off days. why do you ask

 

xen

[BellaDonna]

Sorry, I didn't mean to pry. I was just wondering what kind of role/purpose your ex's mother might be filling in your life, and why you'd be hesitant to let go of her, even if the relationship with your ex ended.

 

she wants me to keep her posted with upcoming job interviews and hospital visits (need a heart moniter for a few days (only 20 )).

 

 

Your ex's mom sounds like a very nice woman, but the first thing that came to mind was, maybe if your own mom was not being as concerned/supportive, you would feel comforted to lean on your ex's mom.

 

BellaDonna

[xentez]

no worries

 

i feel like i can talk to my mum about certain things but the things i cant talk to her about i used to be able to talk about to my g/f and her mum.

 

don't get me wrong i am not stayin in contact purely because i think i might be able to get to my ex via her mum. its jus that i feel that they both are my friends but i have now lost one due to the split up and i kinda dont want to lose her too. prob sounds pathetic.

 

i dont know jus really close and dont know if it would be wrong or not. she is critical of her daughter and helped us through when we had a bad patch.

 

dunno. what do you think.

 

xen

[BellaDonna]

I think it's fine to keep her updated, epsecially about your health. I think the best way would be to send a card/note in the mail, for example "I just wanted to let you know that I have a new job and everything is going well with my hosptial visits"

 

If it were me, I'd avoid phone conversations, especially ones about the breakup or your ex.

 

 

BellaDonna

[xentez]

yer i am not going to talk to her about the break up or the ex. i have told her to look after her self and make sure my ex keeps well.

 

thing is what happens if my ex finds out. do i cut all contact then if we are still in contact that is? i dont want my ex to think i am trying to get to her. i know that we wont get back and i doubt she even wants to talk to me

 

xen

[BellaDonna]

thing is what happens if my ex finds out. do i cut all contact then if we are still in contact that is?

 

Did your ex's mother put you under the impression that her contact with you would be a secret?

[xentez]

i will post the text messages sent and received:

 

ME: **** Sorry to bug you again. Tell **** that she is gonna get all her stuff back inc psp at the weekend sometime. i dont want anymore fighting. she has blocked my phone so have to use this till name gets changed over. she has been a bit out of order today. shame it had to come to fighting. really thought we was both better that that. sounds cheesy but i really thought we could be friends. i do still care about her. make sure she looks after herself and get what she wants in life. i believe she has potential we all know it. jus got to put her mind to it. anyway. look after her and yourself and girls, hopefully speak soon. Dan x

 

HER: you know i am always here 4 u, i will pass on the message. this crap will pass dan trust me, please look after yourself x

 

ME: i will try ****. i really will. got myself some job intervies and getting car at the end of month. gotta sort my life out jus make sure she does well for herself. she is better than the pub and she knows it. mayb in time might be able to talk like adults. we'll see. i will let you know the outcome of hospital if you still want to know. dan x

 

HER: Good 4 u, of course i still want to know how u get on, good luck with the interviews keep me posted.x

 

she hasnt said that she would keep it secret only pass on the message bout her stuff. but she hasnt said she wouldnt keep it secret.

 

i dunno ideas???

 

xen

[BellaDonna]

Well, I hope that if you do talk with her that she (or you) does not keep it a secret- because that would be wrong.

 

Keep in mind that her loyalities should be with her daughter, and hopefully her daughter comes first to her.

 

I think it's best to keep your distance. If you choose to, send her a text message or card to let her know how you made out with the interviews and your health.

 

But if it were me, I would limit it to that.

 

 

BellaDonna

[xentez]

cheers bella

 

you have helped me see things from a different light. another thing

 

i now know that my ex is seeing someone already. it is the same bloke that she was textin in the past couple of weeks of our relationship. y didnt she just tell me she had foun someone else instead of telling me it wasnt working.

 

would it not have been easier???

 

xen

[joeG]

As far as the relationship with your ex's mother goes. I can relate, very well.

 

I'm 23 now, but I dated a girl on and off from ages 15-17. I became very close with her family during those years, her mom being the closest. I myself, have a GREAT mother, her mom became almost like a second mother.

 

We had a rocky split at first, called eachother every name in the book, and had NC for a good 2 years. I still kept in contact with her mother, and when I came back to visit (I had moved 300 miles away after the break), I would visit with her mother and brother. Her brother always looked up to me, like his own brother.

 

To this day, I still keep in contact with her mother. Me and her started talking about a few years back, and have a great friendship. I'm definitely "part of the family" now. I seem to talk to my ex a little more than her mother now, but nonetheless, I love them all like my own family.

 

I haven't seen any of them for a few years, (Moved out of state). But I'll be going back soon to visit, and plan on making the trip to see them.

 

So, I think it's ok to have a relationship with her mother. As long as youre not using that to get back with your ex, it wont work.