An odd situation, or normal ?

[guyoutofwater]

Hi,

This is an unusual situation for me, and I'm not quite sure how to play it to be honest, so if anyone has some insights that would be great.

 

I started talking to this girl from a dating site, and we got on really well, initially be email, then by phone, and then went out for an evening. Again it went really well, and she wanted to see me again but not until after her holiday which was in a weeks time. Fair enough, we both work and yes it would have been difficult to have found the time to meet again.

 

Anyway, on the spur of the moment, just before she went away, I thought I'd see if she'd like to go out for a quick drink, and she said she was very interested to, but would let me know later as she was up to her eyes in work.

 

Well, she forgot to let me know, and I gently sent a txt asking if everything was ok, to which she said she had a pig of a day (no mention of going out), so I hinted about what I'd said, and she got so distressed she had forgotten, and then it hit home to me, how much she actually did like me (took me by surprise). Anyway long and short we agreed to sort out meeting again when she got back.

 

3 days passed after she got back, and no word, so I gingerly sent her a text last Friday to see if she'd like to chat, to which she replied yes. Then the bombshell, she'd met someone on holiday. I was hurt because of how we'd been before her hol, but understood that we hadn't committed ourselves to anything, but still she actually felt really bad about what she had done, and had felt she had cheated on me, and would understand if I didn't want to talk to her anymore - I said don't be silly, and we continued chatting over last weekend, to which I found out she wasn't sure if this was a holiday fling, or something more. She wanted to see me, but said the ball was in my court to decide that.

 

So, Monday I sent a text to see if she'd like to meet up one evening this week - no reply. Tuesday I sent a text to see if she was free in the evening to have a chat - no reply. This was out of character, and I was worried something might have happened to her, so I sent a text asking if she was ok, and if I'd said something wrong. She did reply to that saying sorry but she'd been busy (She does have a very hectic job, which can be 24/7 at times) and also saying I hadn't done anything wrong.

 

So, I back tracked on my "asking out text" and just said would it be better to chat at the weekend, and sort out something then, to which she eventually replied yes.

 

And thats where we're up to.

 

A bit long winded, but hopefully thats an accurate picture of how we've both acted with each other.

 

I have 2 questions to ask: Have I acted the right way with her, does anyone think I might have been too intense ? I'd hate to think I had. 2ndly Whats going through her mind ? Is she hedging her bets do you think, and maybe she's keeping me at arms length for a while, while she sees what may or may not happen with this guy ? Bear in mind she has been more than honest with me, after all, she didn't have to admit to anything did she ? she could have just ignored me when she got back.

 

Thanks

[Baby Carrot]

IMO, if I was her, I'd think you've just acted the right way, polite but not paranoid. Not intense at all -trust me, I know "intense"-.

 

What's going thru her mind? Hard to say darling... noone really can tell what's going thru anyone's mind...Maybe she is confused and is taking some time in making up her mind between you and this other guy. And maybe is taking her a little longer than usual due to her hectic job. And yes, is an advantage that she has been totally honest with you about it.That's a good sign I think.

 

Just wait and see. As long as u keep being honest with each other, things will be OK.

 

Good luck.

[MaeMae]

I think you behaved just fine. Not too intense at all. I do think she is waiting to see what is going to happen with this other guy first, or maybe she just doesn't want to hurt your feelings by saying she's not interested anymore.

[Honey Pumpkin]

You sound lovely! I wouldn't worry about it, or think you should have played it any differently. But to be honest, I would cool it. If she gets in touch with you, fine. But otherwise go out and meet all the other gorgeous women on that dating site who want to meet a nice bloke like you!

 

Good luck

[guyoutofwater]

Oh good, I'm glad that you don't think I've been too intense, 'cause that is what worried me. Probably this break of a few days, with no contact between us at all will be a good thing. A little breathing space.

 

I think it will do us good to meet up at some point, and I do know it'll be hard on us both, she's already said she would be embarrised, but I've tried to reassure her not to be.

 

It would be great to have her as a friend if nothing else, because we have got on so well, that it would be such a shame to lose it altogether.

 

btw, thanks for the compliment Honey Pumpkin

[guyoutofwater]

Well I have considered getting back on that dating site, but for me, I still don't feel right doing it, until I kinda know for sure which way this is heading, and it wouldn't be fair on anyone I might meet, if my thoughts are still elsewhere.

[MaeMae]

That's cool that you're open to the possiblity of friendship. I would think that'll help make things less 'strained'.

[guyoutofwater]

Well, in the end, there was no communication between us at all at the weekend, so I can only assume she's changed her mind completely.

 

Well I've decided not to try and get hold of her anymore now, if she wants to talk to me, I'm sure she'll find the time - besides I had an email out of the blue from someone that I'd put off to go out with this woman on Sunday asking if I was available and would I like to chat, so I said yes.

 

Talk about one door closing and another one opening !