It's all good.

[InaneCathode]

It's all good. In the very small chance that anyone remembers who i am, or any of my (very)old posts (most under a different user name):

 

I started off a very troubled teen, the combination of ignorant handling of what intelligence i have, some form of add (oh look a sailboat) , some form of ocd (emotional distress if the book shelf isnt level, seriously), and some serious lack of maturitiy led to pretty severe occurrences of self hatred and so forth. Lack of self esteem, lack of esteem in others, self doubt, cyclic thinking etc had me worn so low i was seriously concidering suicide (by gun, can't botch a shot to the head).

 

At some point, i'm not sure when, i realized deep down that I am the sole controller of my brain. I'm the pilot, noone else. Perhaps it isnt as deep as a near death experience, close death, or anything else serious like that, but i suddenly realized that i'm capable of abstract thought, i have all my appendages and that i'm a perfectly fine human being who's capable of being loved. Nothing beats the high of discovering your mind.

 

The love part would have to wait though, i wasnt through making mistakes with the oppisite sex yet. I went through 4 girlfriends, each having serious psychological issues (i dont know why, but for some reason crazy girls are more attractive to me, seriously, anyway i digress). Each one wearing down the heady feeling of self control i had. At the end of GF 4 i swore to myself essentially the following: The law of averages will give me love. I'm totally serious, i figured if theres x number of girls on the earth, they'res x my age, x in my area, x that wont hate me, x that i like, and x that like me. The addition of all those x's told me that one day, eventually, i'd find love.

 

I hit the jackpot early. About a month into my first semester at my college i met a girl who, like me, liked to play pool. Turns out she likes me, and i like her. She invited me to her house to play pool, one thing led to another and she's my girlfriend. She's actually mentally stable, very attractive, and is socially accessible to me. She's the sweetest, most loving, most intelligent girl i have ever known. I can honestly say, i didnt know girls like her existed.

 

Fast forward to the present, things are getting very heavy. We've already agreed we'll move out and into an apartment together, get married if things stay stable, and have kids and so forth. For once in my life i can actually see the path i'm going down, and i like it. I'm very talented at what i'm going to school for, i have the best girl in the entire universe, and i can see no major roadblocks barring my way towards a successful future.

 

I hope this serves on one angle as a message of hope for those who think they're at rock bottom with no way out. I thought the same, and things got better.

 

So, i suppose in conclusion. It's all good.

[Gator]

Nice post, I wish you the best and am glad you found happiness!!!

[rikka]

YAY!!! I love success stories and tales with happy endings! Congratulations on your success and good luck with your future. You've struggled hard and come far.

[redrose85]

that's very encouraging I feel like I'm getting there, but the light at the end of the tunnel is still a bit of a ways away