Ugh. Boys...Help :)

[JayJayBee]

Okay so im pretty much with this guy. We dont exactly have the "title", but it just one of those things where you just know you guys are eachothers. and so he tells me all these sweet things and everything, and i totally believe him. but see theres this girl that is like in looove with him. and they have known eachother since they were 2. But he swears he doesnt like her like that, even though she has the hotts for him. and everytime i write him a something...this is going to sound gay i know...but on like myspace i swear like 5 seconds later she write him, just so she can be before me. It just bugs, cause she's thinking it some kind of compitition or something. So then my guy was going on a family vacation and i wasnt being nosey but i was just like so you're going with just your family right? and hes like yeah so then the same day he come back from him vaca the girls like "i had such a fun time with you and your family" ....so obviously he lied to me. and im just wondering why cause if he doesnt like her there shouldnt have been a reason not to tell me she was going with him...am i right? or am i just being a little over protective? thanks

[tretneo]

JayJayBee, Sorry to hear things are so complicated there. I hate to be a negative person, but I have been in two long term serious relationships. Both times my gf's had people that were interested in them and it made me uncomfortable. Both times my gf's would insist that they were just friends and I had nothing to worry about. I would catch little lies here or there and when I would question them it was always they are just friends and they would make me feel like an * * * for questioning things.

 

Sorry to say in both cases my gut was right and I was cheated on and then left for someone else in both cases. This of course isn't to say that he is doing anything or has plans to do anything with her. Just thought I would share my experiences with similar situations. I know as a guy, I don't hang out with girls all the time that I know like me if I am not interested. But again that isn't to say that your man doesn't.

 

The lie is what would bug me, that in addition to the girl being so in loooove with him and always trying to get his attention.

 

Have you had a serious talk with him about this?

 

Hope it all works out for you. gl

 

Rob

[rose2summer]

Hey JJB,

 

I don't like the sound of this,

 

He went on vacation and invited a woman,

 

Who is deeply in love with him?

 

Without telling you first?

 

I would be very suspicious,

 

The "it's nothing" may very well be "something."

 

It seems like a red flag to me.

 

What exactly is their relationship to one another?

 

Rose

[Day_Walker]

People like keeping people around that are interested in them because, it doesnt hurt them to have them around. Typically since this other person likes them they get free stuff and they dont have to do anything for it. I dont know what is the exent of this situation but you should either express your concern or realize that he is with you and leave it at that.

[JayJayBee]

Well actually I havnent had a very serious talk about him with it. I mean I just dont want to sound nosey... Even though I should ask him. Cause im really not the jealous type and everything, but it's just kinda bugging me, you know?

[JayJayBee]

rose...

 

ummm, well they have known eachother since they were two. and thier families are pretty close, but they arent related in anyway...

[sumguy]

That's still pretty suss... Who doesn't take their untitled girlfriend with them on a holiday?

[Jayar]

You haven't really been with him long, but even so, he went on vacation and invited a girl who WASN'T you. Did he do something wrong? Not necessarily, but you have to decide whether you're willing to accept that he did not prioritize you in any way. That would be the bigger problem for me than this girl. JMO.

[dogheadma]

He lied to you about it. Bottom line. Huge red flag. You need to decide how important that fact is to you. In my world, I would walk away from this person immediately, but that's me. To me lying or cheating are instant dealbreakers in all cases but I realize everyone's different and dosen't necessarily always feel the same way about it. My policy is zero tolerance, once a liar, always a liar. Lies, dishonesty, and mistrust are a cancer in any relationship and will prevent you from ever having any stability with this person. It's something I personally feel very strongly about. But it is only one persons opinion though, so take it for what it's worth to you.

[JayJayBee]

Yeah dogheadma...

you're really right. I think i would have been okay with the fact of her just going considering that they have known eatchother for a long time...but that he lied, thats the thing...

[JayJayBee]

You haven't really been with him long, but even so, he went on vacation and invited a girl who WASN'T you. Did he do something wrong? Not necessarily, but you have to decide whether you're willing to accept that he did not prioritize you in any way. That would be the bigger problem for me than this girl. JMO.

 

I know. That also upsetted me a little.

 

I don't really know his parents ALL that well, but obviously this other girl does, considering they have been friends practically all their life... so maybe it was his parents idea to invite her? ugh I dont know. lmao.

[Batya33]

First of all, he can date anyone he wants to because you two haven't decided to be exclusive, officially that is. Second, why would you want to date someone who knows that his myspace profile is accessible to other women who are interested in him (i.e. he did not make it private) such that you will be able to see messages and comments left for him by these other women? Is this a person of character and integrity who is worthy of your time? In addition to that you believe he lied to you.

 

If you decide you still want to see this person, instead of checking his profile every five minutes have a real talk with him. Tell him that you are starting to get attached and thereforeeee need a commitment to keep dating him. And make sure you are honest with yourself -no point in claiming not to be jealous when it is clear that you are or claiming not to want to be exclusive when your actions clearly indicate that it is what you want.

[MaeMae]

Yeah, but did he invite her or is it a thing that their families go on vacation to the same place since they've been friends forever? He may not have invited her. They may have been with their respective families which is why he didn't think to say that he was going with anyone other than his family.

[JayJayBee]

Yeah, but did he invite her or is it a thing that their families go on vacation to the same place since they've been friends forever? He may not have invited her. They may have been with their respective families which is why he didn't think to say that he was going with anyone other than his family.

 

Well..her family didnt go...Just her. if that helps..