How to accept it is over

[jules12234]

I would be really grateful if somebody could help me.

 

I am going through a very hard time with this breakup. It happened nearly two months ago - I will call him P. P an I lived together and P had some real problems with his ex and children and he came home two months ago and said he loved me to bits and didn't want to lose me but handed the key back.

 

He returns about every two weeks to talk about bills (which he never pays) and he does seem to having a hard time and says things like we are perfect together, can we have a separation, I will be back but not right now- he has never said it is over. I have subsequently found out that he has paid no bills in the house since January (he was responsible for the bills and I mortgage). I told him this the last time we met and he acted like he didn't give a stuff. I actually don't expect to see him again now that I have asked for the money for the bills.

 

Anyway, I am having a really hard time the last two days, this is the longest we have had no contact and I am crying at things in the house that he bought, pinning for him, missing him like I have lost a limb.

 

As he has hurt me during this time so badly and I know about the money, I have tried to understand why I feel like this now and I think that I have no closure - he has actually never said it is over but his actions tell me otherwise so I have had to deduce this. I seem to be unable to accept it is over so hence I can't seem to move on. Everyday I wonder if he will turn up here.

 

Is there any programme or tips anyone can give me to find this closure/acceptance before I go insane. I can't speak to my family and friends anymore as they are like - look what he is done - what are you getting upset about him for.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

[Dako]

No matter what, it just takes time to heal. I do think it's worth trying to accept the facts and move on, but that only happens when you stop replaying the past in your head. Faith in the future, and a willingness to endure this transition will do wonders. Time is your friend.

 

I had people tell me I'd be better off someday and would discover a big new life. Yeah, sure, I thought. After a year, it's coming true in every way.

[rose2summer]

Time heals all wounds as Dako already explained,

 

The thing is you will never move past him,

 

Until you are able to let go of him,

 

Return his things that he purchased if you need that to get closure,

 

Or take them to the pawn shop if they are rightfully yours,

 

You need to begin no contact, and avoid him,

 

Contact the respective companies for the bills he owes you for,

 

And change them to his name depending on who is responsible for him,

 

You aren't letting go here,

 

You want him and he isn't going to return,

 

He says he doesn't know about the future,

 

Because he wants to toy with your feelings and treat you like a yo-yo.

 

Do you want to accept the crumbs when you can have the whole cake?

 

Hugs,

 

Rose

[joyce1412]

Is there any programme or tips anyone can give me to find this closure/acceptance before I go insane. I can't speak to my family and friends anymore as they are like - look what he is done - what are you getting upset about him for.

 

not a program per se, but it seems one of the best things i've done for myself is accept that my ex is never coming back. i looked at all that facts and realized that he was NOT behaving like a guy who wanted me back. hearing a few weeks ago that he might be dating someone else also did it for me. it's been extremely rough lately, but wondering if he'd want me back kept me muddling through the early stages of grief, and now i think i'm toward the end. phew. so, plain old acceptance--it's a great help.

[jules12234]

I also think that I am looking through rosy-coloured glasses. We got on very well, never argued, enjoyed the same thing, that is why is was such a shock - he just gave back the key and never came back - I never had an inkling that anything was wrong so it was how could he throw this away.

 

I am going to take some time to really think about what he has done, stop making excuses for him, look at the reality and really try to accept that if he did love and care about me he would have stayed with me.

 

He has taken nothing of his from the house - I have his clothes, books, passport, driving license - I have packed it up and put it in the shed but I am just going to forget about it and if he doesn;t make arrangements to collect it by the time I get back from holiday I am going bin it.

 

I think I just have to keep telling myself it is over and then I will start to believe it.

[Todd S]

The truth is that we all lose a big portion of self-respect and self-confidence in situations such as these... The first step towards recovery is building your self-respect n' self-confidence reserves back up again... You'll not only get through this but you'll be a bigger, better you at the end of the day... Act with dignity, always maintain the moral high ground, and learn to appreciate yourself again... My thoughts are with ya..

[Orlander]

Sorry you are having such a rough time, Jules. As Dako and Rose said, it just takes time to accept and heal.

I never had an inkling that anything was wrong

Do not get caught up in believing this!!! There were more than likely many signs something was not right, but you probably did not see them or act on them because of your feelings for this person. Take some time to think about what signs there could have been and possibly you will save yourself from anything like this happening again.

 

 

Orlander

[jules12234]

thanks all.

 

Todd - I have lost a lot of self-confidence, but I am proud that I have acted with the upmost dignity - I have never contacted him or begged him back.

 

I did open his briefcase when I found he has closed down utility bills in my name and sent them to a false address to prevent paying them and opened them in false names but I was only reacting to the situation and protecting myself.

 

I even discussed these bills with him in a civilised manner - probably not to upset him.

 

I am going away a week on Friday to Europe for 9 days with a very good friend of mine and I am going to have a good time and really try to come back in a better frame of mind.

[hjc]

Try reading this: