He told me he fantasies - Dont know how to take it

[IrishGal26]

Hello, I am new to this so forgive me. My boyfriend has told me how he has fantasised many times about celebrities, people I know, people in his place of work. He was never in a relationship before me EVER. He is 25. He could has never been so sorry - it is unreal - he is so honest this is why I have stayed with him- he is honest about EVERYTHING, probably too honest. He treats me really well but since this ( which was about a year ago), I know he still thinks all types of things when we are intimatley together. I think he did this whole "fantasy" thing when he was single and cannot seem to get out of it. He says he loves and fancies me so much and to please stay with him. What do you think ??? Does every guy do this ?

[Clementine orange]

Every guy does it, but not every guy thinks it's a good idea to share that fact.

[IrishGal26]

yeh thanks , i just wonder does this mean he is going to cheat now and is he looking at every girl under the sun , ! he is great but this type of thing really gets me wondering- i dont mind a little fun dont get me wrong but im just worried i am heading for a fall with him - or am i being to dramatic

[southerngirl]

Well the honesty is a great thing to build on. I think alot of people do this... just not everyone shares it.

 

Where to go from here? He is with you and hasnt cheated. Try not to think about it. He thought enough of you to tell you his fantasies, maybe you two can act out some of them? U know pretend you are a waitress at a bar and he is a customer... or you are a nurse etc etc... FAntasy can be a healthy part of a relationship, thats if you are both into it and welcoming of it.

[southerngirl]

yeh thanks , i just wonder does this mean he is going to cheat now and is he looking at every girl under the sun , ! he is great but this type of thing really gets me wondering- i dont mind a little fun dont get me wrong but im just worried i am heading for a fall with him - or am i being to dramatic

 

Personally I dont think this alone means he would ever cheat.

[IrishGal26]

thanks for the advice, its not the fantasy I mind - its the fact that there is always a 3rd of 4rth person ! and i think its all the time - what you think ?

[southerngirl]

Try not to think about it, thats what i think. Unless you have reason to think he is cheating... give him trust.. He was open and honest and that is a great thing.

[Day_Walker]

completely normal, if he acts on any of these fantasies then you know you have a problem.

[IrishGal26]

yeh thanks I know - i should try - i just get so paranoid sometimes

[Siriana]

How about saying to him not to share such info with you? I guess he is so honest because you're his first relationship so he hasn't learned jet that some things are supposed to stay private.

All guys do that, but they don't have any intention to say that to a girl they're with. Also we do know that they do that, but we don't ask about it.

[IrishGal26]

thanks, i wouldn't have thought every guy did it- if he really loves his girlfriend i would have thought I was enough- as he tells me he fancies me so much - ! i guess maybe ignorance is bliss!

[Siriana]

yeah sometimes it is really good thing to do - ignoring such stuff.

If relationship is good and you're beeing treated the way you deserve...

Just explain to him you don't need that info.

 

I bet that every time they look at the picture of a really pretty girl in magazine (JEssica Alba they thing for several seconds about her naked!

 

Ignore it and tell him to keep that info away from you. Say to him something like: Look I have no problem with this but please keep it for yourself because I am happy without knowing that. I trust you completely so I hae no reason to doubt in you. But I really like the idea of not knowing all your fantasies. How about sharing those you would like to try with me?

[helpme2]

thanks, i wouldn't have thought every guy did it- if he really loves his girlfriend i would have thought I was enough- as he tells me he fancies me so much - ! i guess maybe ignorance is bliss!

 

you probably are enough, guys are conditioned to think like that, if he wants to stop it's like breaking addiction, just remember he chose you

 

As far as I know my husband only has fantasies about me, but I told him a few years back "I don't want to hear about the others unless they are a threat to the relationship" so I can go on assuming that I am the only one he thinks about and he gets to think about whatever he wants (which he could anyway, until I figure out mind control)

[craign]

Hey i have been to honest like this before with girlfriends.I think by him telling you this though it was good not bad like you may percieve it to be,Have you told him your feelings towards this?Communication is the best.Have fun in your relationship.Dont stop him from being honest though.I have had girlfriends ask me something like "if i die will you find someone else"my response"ummmmm yep".Its a goofy question.Me i want julia roberts.BUT DONT TELL MY GIRLFRIEND THAT.

[IrishGal26]

thanks for the advice, yes i dont mind the whole celebrity thing, thats not so bad, but he has mentioned people i know and says he dosen't mean to just these people pop into his head and he dosen't mean it .. i am just paranoid everywhere we go that he is looking and sleezing after other women, he probably isn't, but i am very conscious of that now ..he has told me over and over not to worry that he isn't lusting after women but i kind of dont believe him - thats my own fault though i suppose .

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hi IrishGal,

 

I thought most people fantasised to be honest. Or daydreamed. It's never meant that much, and when I spoke to my b/f about it we compared notes - his tend to be more explicit and often about real life people; mine tend to be more romantic, more plot and involve movie stars etc. You know - if we've just seen a film where I fancy the male lead, I can daydream myself right into that film...*ahem*

 

I always thought it was harmless, unless it was obsessively fantasising about someone in real life. Just my thoughts...

 

Good luck!

[IrishGal26]

hey thanks for that I'll take that advice - maybe everyone does do it - i just didn't relise !!

[InaneCathode]

Every guy does it, but not every guy thinks it's a good idea to share that fact.

Words out of my mouth, a poster after my heart!