still in contact with ex...finding out more about us

[sfindependent]

hello people, I was wondering if you can help me with my dilemma. any help or insight will help.

 

ok, so after being in contact with the ex for a month now (broke up end of august) I've began finding out more about what's going on with her life. I've known she's bipolar eversince we got together but right now she's in depression and its confusing the heck out of me.

 

she's made it clear that she doesnt want to be in a relationship with anyone including me. she said she really wants to be friends with me but I'm having a difficult time everytime I see her, and everytime I talk to her knowing i can't have the same things I used to have with me. I've asked several times if she ever thought we'd get back together and all i'd get is "no" or "I don't know". I've also asked her if she loved me the same way and she said "no". Sunday morning (round 1am) me and her went out and had an emotional dinner. Before that, I was talking to her on the phone and I told her "you know, I think u still love me, but you're just scared" and she said "yes". But after dinner, she said we shouldnt talk for a week. I told her lets try a couple of days first and she said ok. So monday came and I havent talked to her at all. 5pm rolled by and she called me to say whats up. that totally threw me off. So, tonight, I talked to her again and asked her the same question, and she said "she can't give me a straight answer, since she's screwed up herself. she told me I was really important in her life and she can't imagine not having me around. Anyway, i told her i loved her more than a friend, and that I wont settle for anything less, but I can't up and leave her right now, since she's having so much problems (school, work, family). she said one of the few reasons why she broke up with me was that she felt "alone" in the relationship.

 

I guess my dilemma is, I don't want to leave her to make her feel "alone" again, but I also don't want to be around her when she starts dating. Aside from that, everytime i see her, or talk to her, i feel empty and frustrated with the fact she's so confused right now she doubts my intentions and my sincerity and all that. can anyone help me find a good direction on how to handle this?

 

thanks!

[nicholas_the_great]

I know exactly how you feel.

 

My ex, this was 2 or 3 yrs ago now, had 'mental problems.' Not to poke fun, she seriously had bouts of depression and I suspect some bipolarity. So whilst we dated, it was very difficult as you can relate to. Combine that, with the fact that she had gotten out of a long term relationship. It was a year later, but thats another post.

 

Anywho, I tried and tried and tried to make it work. Nothing would make it better. If I got things going good finally, she would think, "He doesn't love me, he loves the thought of me" and that sort of thing. She dumped me and then regretted it, since she was 'alone' and missed me, but it was the same ol' thing. It never did work out.

 

The answer, the one you know but don't want to admit, is that you gotta get out. They preach No Contact on here and that's exactly what you need to do. Phase out the talking and emailing and it won't seem so bad. Cold turkey might be hard on both of you. It sounds cliche but you will move on and find your love. . . . and so will she.

 

This may not help, but I hope you get something out of it.

[sfindependent]

Partly, I agree with you. i need to get out of it. i was talking to her and she sad she's got a lot of issues. I really do care for this woman, and I told her, I know about what she's dealing with. Lived with her and everything, so i know a little bit more than other people do about her. I told her I was going to be there for her, and she said there were things that she needed to handle alone... I responded that I will go as far as I can for her... wow... super drama.

[Momene]

So what bare you getting out of this? The chance that she might get back to "normal" and you can resume the relationship as before?

 

Sorry but the odds on that aren't good.

[sfindependent]

Thanks for following my posts momene. I have other posts here as well, and I guess the thing is, I've been "stuck in the moment"of thinking that she'll always be the person who she was a year ago. I'm losing faith and but I'm gaining some brain cells....