No Contact Or So I Think....but then....

[SolitarySoul]

Hi guys,

 

I hope someone can help with my situation..........

 

I'll try to be as brief as i can regarding my story.....

 

Hope you Can Help

 

I worked with someone for 15 months who i had strong feelings for. This person was my manager and she too was also female.

After months and months of working with her i was aboloutely certain she had feelings for me too.

Because of this i decided to give up my job and tell her how i felt.

Anyway to cut a long story short, when i did tell her i told her via text messages.

She never contacted me and i found out from a mutual friend that she had told everyone i used to work with.

Although i spoke with her very quickly & not to her face it was as though she was hiding something.

Anyway I sent her a letter to apologise & i also said how i was said that i would be losing her friendship. I mentioned that it hurt me to think that she told everyone else without as much as a 'sod off' to me first.

I went on to say that I am and always would be willing to at least clear the air with her. I promised i wouldn't be contacting her again.

 

All i can say is that throughout my time at work we became very close & i know she liked me as a person as well as a friend. Even though she did what she did I was and I am still certain she did have feelings for me or was at least attracted to me in some way.

The only explanation i have is that i possibly scared her by telling her too much too soon (my feelings for her).

I always got the feeling she wanted me to make some kind of move, and if i had i definitely think something would have happened between us. Oh why did i have to tell her in the way i did.

 

So this was all 4 months ago now and i still miss her like crazy. I have not seen her since or heard from her.....or so i think

 

For the past 2 months i have been receiving weird phonecalls/messages on a certain date of each month. Coincidentally on the same date that i first met & started working for her. The first was a voicemail mesage which iam sure is her voice but she only said 3 words and then hung up. The second one was a totally blank text message. They were bith from the same number, but not the number i used to have for her.

 

The one from the first month i ignored. The second one i replied saying:

'sorry i don't recognise you or your number but if it's me you need to contact (then my name) please just give me a call, thanx'

 

I got no reply so a week or so later i sent a text message just saying 'snap'

 

But still no reply.

 

So unless anymore come through i'm still not sure if it could be her or not.

 

Then the other day i was out having a drink with friends. I went outside to use my phone and she came walking out the pub next door with her friends/my ex work colleagues.

 

She looked over said hi and then gave me a smile

 

When this all happened 4 months ago a mutual friend said she would probably never speak to me again. I knew this was wrong. She made it look as though it was all down to me, but deep down in my heart i know she did feel something for me.

 

Anyway, when i spoke with this mutual friend the other day, another friend had mentioned that they'd all seen me. When i said that this other person said Hi she was quite shocked that she spoke to me. I did say that if you talk to her tell her thank you for not ignoring me.

 

Please don't get me wrong here, i know i was never in a relationship with this woman, but from what i've read on No Contact i thought it may help (not only me get over her) but it might make her realise she misses me, whether that be just as a friend or anything else.

 

I guess my question to you guys is how should i handle the situation?

 

Should i have asked my friend to thank her for me or does this look weak in some way?

 

Also, IF, the phonecalls are from her how do you think i should handle them?

Should I just ignore them or send something back?

 

If there is any possibility whatsoever of me ever being in some kind of relationship with this person, i could hope for nothing more. However, I do genuinley miss our friendship & if that is all it could ever be I would be truly happy and would mean the world to me.

 

I really don't know what to do anymore, the No Contact has been very difficult for me, and just seeing her the other day has given me so so much, even if i find out that the phonecalls are not from her.

 

I know in my heart that any kind of contact should come from her, as only we both know it was her who has been in the wrong.

I think she might be scared of her feelings though & that's possibly why she isn't making full contact & possibly sending weird messages if that makes sense.

 

I would dearly love this person to be a part of my life again but the last thing i want to do i scare her away again.

 

I know from reading these boards there are many people that know quite a lot about NC & i would be VERY VERY grateful for any advice regarding No Contact and my situation.

 

truly GRATEFUL

 

Many Thanks

 

PS: I'd just like to say this place is a godsend, it has heped me so much over the past few months. Even though i have only posted once before (2 days ago), the many posts i've read have given me so much inspiration. Thank You

[NJRon]

Hey there... sorry you got all caught up in this.

 

My personal rule number one is don't get involved with anyone at work.. but, if you decide you do want to... no need to quit if you're just feeling the waters.

 

Your post is entirely focused on your *wants* and reading into her *actions*.

 

Boil it down and you have:

 

You came onto her. She didn't even respond. She then had the gall to slander you... now, you have to deal with weird phone calls.

 

There are much easier fish to fry. Even, on the outside chance that it was her trying to contact you, she is so obviously in the closet (or uninterested in you) that you would need a prybar and barrel of crisco to get her out.

 

Wish I could offer something constructive beyond just suggesting that you move along, because it is obvious that you really have something for her. However, her actions are naything but positive. The best you can hope for is a struggle here, given the information.

[SolitarySoul]

Hi NJRon,

 

Thank you for your reply. I totally agree with what you have to say.

 

I am pretty certain that she does have some issues & i do think that includes sexual too.

 

LOL....you are spot on when you say that I would probably need a prybar and barrel of crisco to get her out.

 

I knew there was no way she would have ever been up for a 'full open relationship'

 

I was so stupid, if i had just made a move i KNOW things would have turned out far differently.

 

Looking back i don't think i should have quit my job. I have lost so much in these past 4 months that i know i probably will never replace.

I decided to quit though, because i wa that certain something was going to happen and i didn't want it too whilst i worked there.

 

Unless i am completely crazy, i've never been so ure of anything else in my life. I jut know there was definitely something between us. She was the one who was doing most if not all of the flirting.

 

Up until the other day when i saw her, i was finding it really difficult to move on, especially with the weird messages. But now that i have seen her, i can & know i will have to move on. I just so wish we could still be friends.

 

She certainly hasn't got a problem with a perons sexuality.........her friend is Gay and that i who she is supposed to have had 'the' experience with.

 

Why can't i make sense of it

 

Thank you NJRon

[NJRon]

Sounds like you were never so sure of *wanting* something to happen...

 

That's a far cry from never being so sure of something actually happening.

 

Wish it were different... I can tell you that *my* life would be far from what it is now were that the case.

 

Keep in mind that "the experience" is sometimes just that too.. doesn't mean they want a life partner...

 

I don't know why you can't make sense of it.. it's much easier for an outsider to read the obvious... you have many more subtle clues to drag through your mind... how did she hold her coffee cup today?.. did she let you order?... did she wink?... why is she so distant?

 

Most of the time, I think that the problem is you try to make too much sense of someone else.. and not yourself...

[SolitarySoul]

Hi again,

 

I don't undertand your post at all unfortunately.

 

Just to be clear i'd like to point out the following for anyone else who may also reply.

 

Wanted is maybe the wrong word (as want not a very good word and obviously you don't always get what you want) but I would have really liked

something to have happened between us.

I was certain that i would have liked this but i would have felt uncomfortable if 'anything' had have happened whilst i was working there.

 

I never thought for a second she was looking for a life partner, and even if she was that didn't give me the right to put myself up as a candidate.

 

When i say I can't make sense of it, that's because she was the one giving off all the signals. And even if i was totally wrong i genuinely thought she valued our friendship. Because i know she doesn't have a problem with a persons sexuality i don't understand (can't make sense) why she doesn't seem to even want a friendship.

 

Sorry if i seem to be knocking your advice, as i don't mean to be but i don't understand what your getting at.

[NJRon]

Hehe... I don't feel knocked

 

Let it sit for a bit and re-read it. I would only be repeating it. Hopefully someone else will pop on and commiserate.

 

I sometimes have a hard time being blunt. So.. think about it a bit. If you are still confused, let me know in a few days.. I will be blunt. I prefer to let others think about their situation themselves.. they have much more information than I.

 

btw... want=desire=attachment

[SolitarySoul]

Thank you I will try

[SolitarySoul]

Hello NJRon

 

I've been thinking about what you had to say. The only thing i can identify with what you mention is when you say it sounds like i was never so sure of *wanting* something to happen...

 

Although i really did want something to happen i did always wonder if i could trust her. Without that trust then i certainltly wouldn't have wanted anything to happen. So I guess i got my answer at just te right time.

 

All i'm trying to work out is why she has reacted in the way she did.

 

I don't know you or your background/beliefs, but lets just imagine a male or female (preferably male) friend of yours confessed they had feelings for you. Even if you genuinely had no feelings for them and would you reject them as a friend?

 

Surely if anyone said they had feelings for you and also claimed they thought you felt the same, wouldn't you want to explain and at least set them straight?

 

That's what i don't and can't make sense of. Thank you again for your insight i do appreciate it.

[NJRon]

I don't know why she would have thrown away the opportunity to be firends, unless she felt uncomfotable with the situation. Sometimes, people don't want to be friends with someone that has feelings for them.

 

You're right though, *I* would explain things... but not all people are the same. They react differnetly. It sucks to get no cllosure.