one day at a time

[loveisaparadox]

It was looking positive a couple months ago, like maybe we would try to get back together. So I moved accross the country and then she changed her mind.

 

It's a complicated situation, we have a young child. For my daughter's sake, I am going to stay, overcome my resentment, and be friends & co-parent with my ex. It's hard. I have a lump in my throat whenever we are together. Most of our time is spent with our daughter, but sometimes we have a quiet moment together, and it's strange sitting next to this person and trying to see her in a different light.

 

I know I am doing the right thing, although maybe I should avoid ANY time spent just with her. I know she has feelings still. She said she met someone, but nothing has happened (I believe her). She says she is not ready to move on, but being attracted to someone reminds her of meeting me, almost three years ago. The easy-flowing rapport, the excitement of a new attraction. How can I compete with that?

 

I'm here for my child. No question. But it's impossible to not have some hope of being together again. I still love her. She still has feelings for me, but I don't think she is willing to put in the 'work' right now. Every day is a struggle. Our "break up" took a year to complete, but a child really complicates things. Now I know what it really means to be apart. It feels terrible. Of course, I want her to be happy. I guess I was hoping she wouldn't be SO happy to just be friends. But then she has what she wants right now. So I'm trying to be a good father, a good friend, emotionally stable. Inside, I'm in agony.

[loveisaparadox]

I want to add that she says the thought of me with someone else is really disturbing. How do you interpret that? Is it a sign of hope, or just a passing sentiment?

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

Do you still love her in a romantic way?

Are you preparing for a limba relationship ride?

Why do you two break up?

[loveisaparadox]

Yes, I still love her in a romantic way. The romantic connection, for both of us, was very powerful.

 

I think she broke up with me out of fear. She gets lost in my life, and doesn't keep her own goals in mind. We were a classic co-dependent relationship.

[skyjuice]

Yes, I still love her in a romantic way. The romantic connection, for both of us, was very powerful.

 

I think she broke up with me out of fear. She gets lost in my life, and doesn't keep her own goals in mind. We were a classic co-dependent relationship.

 

Does she has new goals in her life? If she has specific goals try to be supportive of her.

 

Does she still stay with you because she used to this "classic co-dependant relationship"? Sharing the same bills, house, and etc.

 

Frankly, having a children really cause women to reconsider about the relationship and more effort would put into it.

 

Both of you have to make arrangement for the child like who would take care of the children, the future education expenses, and etc.

[loveisaparadox]

She's scared to be with me because of the classic co-dependent relationship. She doesn't trust that it won't happen again. I am being extremely supportive, i have moved to her city despite hardship with my career, i am caring for our child while she goes to school to establish her career. I couldn't possibly be more supportive. I have completely backed off from pursuing the relationship, and I mainly spend time with my daughter alone (not the three of us). What more can I do?

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

Mostly men scared of marriage is because scare of divorce. She might scare of another break up if she get back with you.

 

What you could do is to focus on yourself and live your life to the fullest. Work hard, go to gym, take care of your child, and eat healthy food. This would make you more attractive as a person.

 

If she still wants you, she would come back to you.