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What does it mean exactly when he says.....


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so my bf broke up with me today, and he says that it's nothing i did, no one is at fault, he really isn't afraid of commitment, he says he still likes me just the same and cares about me - it's just that this relationship is simply not going to go anywhere. that's what he said anyway. and i'm so shocked and confused - i didn't see this coming at all. i really like him and i think i'm falling in love with him, and i was so happy and suddenly out of nowhere he breaks up with me. i really don't understand how something like this could come without warning, especially when things don't add up. why doesn't he want to be with me? is he just lying? could there be someone else? i can't help but be hurt and confused and jaded all over again, and i just want some real finite solid answers.

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He could be a perpetual dater. You might want to read a book called The Commitment Cure. I think you should take him literally here, that it's not going anywhere, and you should move on. The problem may be that he's realized you're not the one, or, maybe he indeed can't commit, even though he denies it. The reason I say that is that it sounds like you had no warning or reason to believe things were going downhill.

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well i don't know what to do - i don't know whether or not to start dating again ever. he was the one who broke up with me, i had absolutely no issues - i was ready to love him and be with him and take care of him - now i don't know what to think. i don't know whether or not to surround myself with people or to take some time alone. we were only together a month - i can't be THAT hung up on him. i don't know what to think anymore.

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I agree with lostinmythoughts. He just wasn't "feeling" the relationship, and it wasn't something he wanted to take further. I don't think there has to be any deeper reasons for that. That's part of what dating is all about- finding out if you want to take things further with someone else.

 

It sucks, and I'm sorry - try to spend time with friends and be good to yourself.

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I can't believe iamteddybearfeelmecuddle's comment, "he could be a perpetual dater!" For f..k's sake, you've only been dating a month and he's decided the relationship isn't for him.. Sounds to me like he's been respectful about it & is saving the pair of you a whole bunch of heartache further down the road.. Why are we in living in SUCH a crass age where folks immediately try and pin a "condition" on every situation??!!! "perpetual dater"???!!! I think someone needs to put her self-help books down for a moment and start accepting life for what it is, with a bit of old fashioned common sense...

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Todd, while I love this board for it's open nature and it's great to offer opposing views and even disagree. I think that personal attacks are rather uncalled for.

 

So, I think *someone* should focus more on the subject of the disagreement and less on the person you disagree with.

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I can't believe iamteddybearfeelmecuddle's comment, "he could be a perpetual dater!" For f..k's sake, you've only been dating a month and he's decided the relationship isn't for him.. Sounds to me like he's been respectful about it & is saving the pair of you a whole bunch of heartache further down the road.. Why are we in living in SUCH a crass age where folks immediately try and pin a "condition" on every situation??!!! "perpetual dater"???!!! I think someone needs to put her self-help books down for a moment and start accepting life for what it is, with a bit of old fashioned common sense...

 

Geez Todd..take a valium. It is a possibility. Either way it's over and she should not invest any more time on him.

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well, in my defense i must say that i know what i feel when i feel it: i don't use the term "falling in love" loosely. and i still don't understand how things could suddenly end like that, but i am grateful that he was honest with me, and i am happy and extremely thankful that i got to spend a portion of my meandering existence with someone really great, instead of the usual meathead i come accross. and i got to love someone for a brief time, even though that seems impossible to most of you. i emphasize that my original post was more about the shock of it all, and how to deal with that shock, rather than trying to get back together with him. i think i said that i respect his decision, and that i want him to be happy because even if did fall out of love with him, i would still care for him very much. i hope he finds happiness, even if it's not with me. i guess i could question if it was me all along, if his decision to break it off had something to do with what i did, but what does it matter anyhow? i can't go back and change things, i can't wave a magic wand in front of his face and make him change his mind about me - like i said, i respect his decision and it would be futile to get back together with him - i don't think i want to anyway. so that's that, and thank you all for your replies.

-H-

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