It's been 9 months.....It does get Better...

[CamGuy]

I guess I am writing this to vent, and tell someone something. Even though I dont know any of you. But since I no longer blog or write much anymore, i figured "What the hell"...

 

So, It's been nearly 9 months or so since my and my ex broke up. We were together for almost 2 years. I went through the obvious stages. Denail, anxiety, hurt, its my fault, its her fault, ANGER, and finally acceptance. I guess it's kinda similar to death. Initially, I didnt want to break up. I loved this girl to death. It took me way to long to figure that out, but in the end, it was true.

 

But much has changed since then. I finally started doing things for myself. I moved, much to her surprise. Got an AMAZING dream job. Infact, I couldnt be happier in those regards. I still feel like something is missing from time to time. Cant quite put a finger on it. Sometimes I feel like I still miss my ex, and other times, i feel like I miss the idea of her. I wouldnt go back home and get back together with her by any means. Yet I still think of her from time to time.

 

I have been dating....quite a bit it seems. But no one I have met has completely amazed me. I am not sure if thats because I am havent entirely healed, or if it just means I am too busy with work and my life to journey through another relationship.

 

My ex still would very much like to be "friends", but I just dont see how that is possible. She contacts me from time to time, even though i have repeatedly ignored her calls and IM's for several months now. I dont do the small talk thing....and as an integrated male, I stand by my philosophy of being friends with attractive girls, let alone exes: It's not possible, or at least, highly improbable.

 

I am not mad at my ex. Nor do I think she did anything intentional to hurt me, But, in the end, she did hurt me by obviously no longer wanting to be with me, and i figure whats done is done. It's strange because I am so happy with where my life has taken me thus far, yet I still feel like somehting is amiss. ANd I wish I could figure it out.

 

But, to others out there in the healing process.....it does get better....just dont expect it to entirely disappear.

 

Cheers.

[sidehop]

You sound like a very strong person Great job. If I was in your situation it would be hard not to answer expecting something but you're right, if she wanted you back THAT bad then she would be trying harder.

[lvlyldy]

Yay!!! Its great that you are finally feeling better, oddly enough I know exactly how you are feeling. My ex broke up with me almost 6 months ago, and I have been going through the exact same stages. Right now I think I am feeling more anger towards my ex than anything (especially after running into him a few days ago, and he still acts like a jerk- completely rude and unforgiving even though i didnt do ANYTHING wrong, and he is the one that broke up with me). I know a relationship takes two people to make or break, but I tried so hard to make him happy, and in the end he has done nothing but treat me like dirt. I was proud of myself for how I reacted to meeting him (came home and cried for an hour, then went shopping and hung out with friends I guess like in your case, im finally starting to get near the acceptance stage of things. Maybe one day I will be ready to get out there and date again, but I think right now boys still scare me to death.

 

Goodluck, and stay strong! I know some days I start missing my ex a lot, or like you said maybe its the idea of him. Whatever the case I just try to remember that if he was really meant for me, if he really cared for me the way he said he did, he would be here with me now. And if he can leave me and treat me the way he has, he isnt worth pining after at all.

[chattymcchatterson]

I went to a therapist once who told me that splitting wiht your partner is as traumatic as death, and for some more so, as there is a person out there that constantly reminds them of what can never be. Some people, some breakups take longer to move through the phases than others. A breakup I had 7 years ago with a fiancee took me 2 years before I could even start dating seriously again. This one, not so much I think. I will think I will be ready to go before then, if I can just keep my ex away from my life...but that is a post for another day.

[CamGuy]

Thats interesting. I knew it would take me a while to get over my last ex, being that it was most likely my first "REAL" love. So, I look at myself 9 months after the fact and think I am doing fairly well.

 

However, I also want to make sure I am not harboring any bitter feelings. Like i mentioned earlier, I do not hate my ex, nor do I wish any ill will towards her. Infact, I want her to be happy.....I just dont want to hear about it. Which is why I havent spoken to her in months. She may never be able to understand it...being that we were such amazing friends before we dated, however, once you cross that line, there is no going back. Which i am fine with. Hopefully she will understand oneday.

 

Breaking up sucks, and can be painful. But it will open your eyes and reveal so much about yourself you didnt think was there. Hopefully, I am drawing near to the point where I have 100% moved on.

[chattymcchatterson]

I dont wnat my ex to be miserable (ok, maybe some moments I do). I jsut wanted to get by the worse of the pain. He kept pushing it and now I had to call in lawyers. That just seems to be the kiss of death. I cant imagine what this is going to do to my healing process while i have to rehash every little bit for the law offices of this is mine, thats not yours. Yea, I know materialism is petty. Try going through a divorce. Its all thats left. I actually fear for my long term outlook after this. I did not, with all my heart, want to let this experience turn me bitter.

 

Anyone who has been through divorce (with all the legal crap associated with it) have any tips?

[Orlander]

I did not, with all my heart, want to let this experience turn me bitter.

I think keeping that as a goal is paramount to loving again. It is impossible to love another when you have a bitter heart. Impossible!! Go through the stages of separation and one day, I promise we will look back and see the goodness in the relationships with our exes.

 

 

Orlander