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Help With Parents Please


VTI
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Hey ppl,

 

Im a 23 year old male currently seeing a 16 year old girl. Dont worry its not as bad as it sounds.. and we are both very normal.lol ..

 

She is a very grown up, fun loving, and very mature 16 year old.. much older than any of her mates !! where as im still a young lad at heart, up for fun etc etc.!!!

 

First met becuz she was the girl next door to my dads, and she was flirting with me etc, all good and i tried 2 withhold my feelings as i knew the age wasnt good but kinda let it go and got her number one day n txt her !! at first i made it out 2 every1 it was all jus a laugh but really i knew she was somin special 2 me !! (even back then)..

 

Anyway at first we didnt want any1 to know about us really but it all got found out and although a little awkward at first, her mum did give me a chance and said i seem decent enough etc etc, and as long as her daughter is happy she is happy..

 

a few weeks later doing what young ppl do we were having a bit of fun and her mum caught her and seen her * * * !!... she got grounded for 2 weeks.. wasnt allowed any contact with me , even took her phone off her !!.. that was hard.. not knowing wat was going on etc

 

then it was all good.. moved on and grown up, trying to stick 2 her mums guidelines etc, her mum became less strict and she was allowed out into town clubbing etc with me, but every so often her mum wud flip and completely go back like 10 steps and blow it out of proportion..

 

Anyway... the main thing that happened and that has really upset me was last friday, we went out into town together, had a romantic meal and went to a few clubs. Very romantic and we were both very loved up, her mum originally sed she had 2 b in at 2am but we txt her saying we was having trouble gettin a taxi as the club stayed open till 3 .. and we was having a good nite.. anyway we got back about 4am and her mum didnt know nofin etc..

 

as we didnt know wat was happeneing before we went out , i hadnt sorted out sleeping arrangements (her mum doesnt like me staying at hers, but she can stay at mine :S) .. so i decided to jus sleep in the car.. she brought me some blankets out and gave me a cuddle as we was cold..before we knew it we had both fallen asleep (completely innocently)

 

at 7am her mum came out freaking.. shouting her head off and wudnt let us explain..then she basically turned around n sed dont expect to see her again..

 

since then she has not had her phone on, or been on the internet to return my emails.. im very worried and dont know what to do...

 

Early on the saturday morning i did text her mum and apologised that we worried her, and explained that it was my fault and that it was completely innocent (she was more bothered about being in the car, than anyfin else)...

 

Since then i have heard nothing back, i txt her mum again today jus explaining again but still nothing! I dont know where i stand.. I know me and my girlfriend are very loved up, but as she is young her mum has a huge influence on her !!

 

I respect we upset her mum, but think she will blow it out of proportion a little bit.. and trying to stop us seein each other.. will jus cause deceipt and lies and even more frustration and arguments !!

 

Im basically looking for advice from any1 who may be able to help me sort things out and find a resolution to this problem.. I am really mad in love with this girl (god im on a relationship forum, and never have been before lol) ... and any advice will be welcome and taken on board !!

 

thanks in advance, sorry for the big post

 

xxx

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Hi there!

 

Well, I can see how this can frustrate you but you have to remember, she is 16 years old, living with her parents. Her parents are still responsible for her and I hate to say this, my parents would have done the same thing. She was out until 4AM and probably checked her bed and did not see her in it. Her mom must feel very disrespected at this point. I am not a parent but I do watch my niece and Lord, if I ever thought something ever happened to her.Yikes!

 

You did all you could so now, I would let things cool off. I am sure your GF explained over and over what happened. You have to repect her parents and you do not want to make matters worse. I would wait it out and see what happens. There may not be a happy ending to this situation. Good luck and let us know what happens.

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VTI,

Welcome to ENA.

 

First let's address the age gap which isn't so bad as the two of you get older but many will see it as inappropriate because she is a minor and you are an adult. Right now her mother has complete control and will for a minimum of 2 more years. That's part of the consequences of your relationship and you are just going to have to deal with it. These Romeo and Juliet romances happen all of the time all over the world but what it usually boils down to is you see her as an adult and her mother sees her as a child. Back off and allow for the mother to cool off and next time play by the rules and assume nothing is OK but the rules. Have you looked in to the legal aspects of this relationship?

 

RC

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Hmmm...well ok...basically, if your girlfriend can't contact you because she is grounded, there is something wrong there....

 

She is 16 years old, she lives in her parents house, and to tell you the truth, if she were a girl in my family, you would not be allowed anywhere near her...I'm sorry if I sound like a b*tch...but being 22 years old myself, I think that you should leave her alone for a couple of years...no matter how mature she acts or whatever, she's still 16...she's got a lot of growing up to do, a lot of things that will change for her, and I'm sorry but they're just not the same...if you were 27 and she were 20, it would be different. but dude, she's still a little girl and her parents are protecting her for a grown man. sorry.

 

Angie

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im from the uk.. and it is legal for me to be intimate and with her !!

 

as i said.. when together u wud hardly notice the gap.. she is a very mature girl and like i said at the start of my post, although it seems bad on paper.. in principal it is nothing like that !!

 

i do appreciate all ur worries etc tho !! but seriously.. it aint like that..

 

now for the decent replies... yeh i understand her mum probably was very worried.. and do understand that !! but as explained it wasnt planned and was innocent!

 

cooling off is good, and i will do that, but i want to somehow do a gesture or something to just show that im not such a * * * * * or whatever !!

 

should i perhaps go round and have a word with her mum? explain my feelings and just talk to her about boundaries and stuff?

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I would wait until your GF contacts you. She is most likely grounded. And I am here to tell you, no matter how innocent it looks to you, I would be severely punished if it were my parents as well. Respect her folks.

 

But as Relationship Coach pointed out, this is a risk you take when you date a younger lady. She is still at the mercy of her parents and you have to respect that.

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Heh heh heh, I am remembering back to a time when my sister was 16 and the issues she caused at home. Many mothers do not sleep until there children are safe in bed. So yes, she probably freaked and for a good reason... her 16 year old was out all ngiht.

 

I am just echoing what some of the wise people above me have posted. She is still 16, and she is still under her parents roof. Their word is LAW. and it is not negotiable.

 

If you are allowed to see her again, I suggest following their rules to a tee. And like candygirl said, first rule... have her home on time. That says volumes.

 

I know it sucks, I know it was innocent (out of curiosity, why didn't you drop her off at 4, and then go home instead of sleeping in your car?). But it is the way things go, especially when you are dating a minor.

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