Gentleman or Jerk? What to do now?

[QBwannaB]

I'm one of those guys who takes forever to call a girl after a date. (Let the hatemail from women begin.) Honestly, I don't do it to "play head games" or to be mean. I just procrastinate with everything in my personal life outside of work.

 

Two weeks ago, I had a 2nd date with a girl. Dinner and drinks went fine, but Part 3 got late and felt a little strained (although we had a great 1st date, lasted 8 hours!). We stopped at a bar in her neighborhood and she called her roommate to come hang out (bad sign, I know). At the end, she thanked me for the evening and I kissed her goodnight for the first time. Following our date, I knew she would be busy for awhile. She was out-of-town with her family for one week. And last week, she was moving back to campus to start school. That's why I finally called (2 weeks later ) after work on Friday. Left a voicemail but no response.

 

I'm kinda new to the dating scene, and I rarely abide by any set of "rules". I call only to set up the next date, but I am always a gentleman in person. (She even told her roommate that, too). I know I'm complaining about waiting 2 days, when it took me 2 weeks. Does that make me a jerk? She's nice and I like her, but it won't break my heart if this is the end. Should I wait for her, call again, or accept the lesson and move on? Advice from both guys and girls are much appreciated.

[RayKay]

Well, no hatemail from me but to be honest if someone took a couple weeks to call (though, for the record, I likey would have called them after a few days and left a message myself and if they did not return THAT call....) I would take it as a sign of no interest, or at least different "priorities" towards the blossoming relationship and...move on. Early on, you are on your best behaviour and it would make me wonder. You may procrastinate everywhere else too, but for me that just shows that a relationship too would be "procrastinated" and I would be set aside, and shows me early on what a long term deal would be like with someone!

 

If I were you, I would of just called after she got back from her family thing just to wish her good luck on her move and to set up something....

 

Anyway, you left a voicemail, which in my opinion is enough for her to respond too, she may respond, or she may not. She may also just be busy moving! Give it 2 weeks and if you don't hear from her you have YOUR answer

[friscodj]

I don't think you sound like a jerk. I think you may be nervous to call after the date and you deal with the nerves by putting it off. Calling somone can be scary like that. You say you do this in all areas of your personal life? It might be a little social anxiety perhaps...or you are just really focused on your work and career right now and not so interested in socializing...

 

Anyway, I say buck up, stop over-thinking it, and just do it. Call her the next day. Schedule it like you would a meeting for work. Make it your work instead of thinking of it as your personal life. It will be probably be so hard initially, but once you guys get 5 seconds into the conversation you'll be like, "What was I so nervous about????" or "This is great!"

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I'm sure you're not a jerk, but it doesn't sound like you were that into her. Actually you may have done this girl a favor in not calling for so long, because she should have realized by now that you're really not that concerned about seeing her again, and thereforeeee she can choose to move on if she wants to.

 

Even though she was busy with other things, which throughout her day to day life she always will be, I'm sure her cell phone or at least voicemail were still operational, and she would've appreciated at least a phone call to touch bases. If a different girl is a priority to you, then I definitely recommend letting her know that. Now that doesn't mean you have to be camped out on her doorstep with roses everytime she comes home! Of course, waiting two weeks after your date to phone her is not a good way to let her know how interested you are in her.

 

If I had been on what I believed was a promising date or two with a guy and was for whatever reason expecting him to call me (such as, he had said "I'll call you."), then I would probably be hopeful for the first 3 or 4 days, uncertain for the following 5 to 7 days, and then strongly reconsidering after that, followed by simply realizing that he wasn't going to call, coupled with the fact that I do not want a relationship with someone who I feel I can't rely on.

 

Her inviting her roomate out was not necessarily a bad sign. She might have really liked you and wanted her roomate to meet you, believing she was going to be seeing more and more of you.

[QBwannaB]

I didn't have to wait long for those quick responses You guys rock.

 

I think nervousness became an increasing part of it the longer I waited. But then again, I've been very focused on career and been neglecting my personal life. I don't even get to talk to my close friends every 2 weeks, and it took me a month to call my physical therapist for a follow up.

 

I know, not being able to make time shows that I might be unreliable, especially when we don't know each other very well. I do tend to be aloof initially, but I'm actually extremely devoted once I make an emotional committment. It's funny. I'm aware of the whole "he's just not into you" theory. Which I think is nonsense, at least in my case. A lot of people seem to expect instant sparks, which may or may not be reasonable. I've always been emotionally guarded, so I like to take my time with relationships. Which also implies that I'm really looking to get to know a girl first, instead stringing them along hoping "get lucky".

 

I'm not stressing that much about this girl yet. But I do feel that I should change my approach for when the perfect girl comes around (or if she turns out to be the perfect girl).

 

Thanks again for the responses.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I don't think it's nonsense. A girl is wise to not invest herself into someone who isn't that into her. No, most girls don't want someone who is obsessed with her or overly clingy, but if she feels he's not that into her, or he could take her or leave her, then yes, I would agree that she find someone who is a little more interested.

[annie24]

If you didn't call her for 2 weeks, just how interested in her could you have been?

 

honestly, if i don't hear from a guy 2 days after the first date, i assume he's not too interested and i move on. unless of course, he had a good excuse, like he was trapped under something heavy and couldn't call me, and then I'll give him another chance.

 

i do think though, if you're not so interested to see her for 2 weeks, that shows she is not on your priority list, which is fine, but I know that I don't want to date a guy that only thinks to see how I am doing every 2 weeks. In those 2 weeks, I could have gone off and met the love of my life!

 

In the future, if you really like a girl, don't wait 2 weeks to see her again, lest she gets bored and meets a new man in that time.

 

good luck