Friends with benefits

[Moore]

I've been seeing this woman now for a few months. So many issues concern this relationship. basically it started out sort of a friends with benefits arrangement. I told her I didn't want anything serious with her and that she was free to find other women but to just let me know before she goes and sleeps with them.

 

This is the second time round with have tried to give our friendship ago. I feel like she is using me just for sex. I know thats what a 'friends with benefits' is but I would rather her companionship more then anything. I dont want to have sex everytime we meet which is what she wants.

 

I tried to meet her the other day for just lunch. She came up with all the excuses under the sun why she couldn't come. If i was to ring her up and say 'hey lets jump in bed' she would be there in a shot.

 

The reason why we broke up last time was because I told her a few truths she didnt like about how she needs to get a job etc. Plus I ended up telling her I dont want to sleep with her anymore and just be friends. She didn't want friends and proceeded not to talk to talk to me again until now.

 

I dont have any friends, thats why i don't really want to lose her but I dont want to be used by the same token. I feel like she is avoiding me again because I tried to talk to her about all this the other night. I go on msn and suddenly she goes off. I try to talk to her on msn and she is too busy playing cards online to talk to me.

 

I guess I stick with it because I have no one else. I dont know what to do. I probably know what I should do but where does that leave me?

[Daddy Bear]

i could be wrong, but i'm not totally convinced after reading your post that she only wants you for sex; and if she is in love with you and you can't return her feelings, it might be the best thing for her happiness if you let her move on with her life.

[Moore]

I know there is 2 sides to every story but what in my post makes you believe that what I say is not true? Everytime we see one another she is always touching me both below and above the belt. I dont believe there is a need for it all the time.

[Daddy Bear]

no, no, i wasn't saying that there was anything untrue in your post; i understand that she looks to you for sex. i just wonder if she might think of you as more than just a good time.

[Caine]

It sound to me as though she doesn't want any tie's, even as a friend, maybe she has a circle of friends and she's happy to just stick with them.

My advice to you would be, if you can just have sex with her and not get too involved, then carry on but it might be that your letting your feelings get in the way. Make new friends away from her, join a social club or attend an eveing course, join the Gym, really put yourself out there, you don't need her for a friend, you can make a whole other life for yourself better than one with her. you'll probably find yourself turning her down one day because your too busy with your friends, and then what happens? she'll start chasing you! then you'll be running things.

[Moore]

Well she has spoken to me and told me she now wants nothing to do with me. I dont understand what I have done. I only ever cared for her and now if feels like shes walked all over me.

 

What sort of person does that make me?

[pizzachick13]

It makes you human. Some people truly only want sex and the best thing you can do right now is just to take Caine's advice and find a circle of friends that don't want to use you.