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I've got to get out!


echo_papa_romeo
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howdy folks, here's the situation: ive been dating this woman for about 3 months. we've gotten pretty close and know a lot about each other. basically i saw some dealbreakers with this woman andi want out (no need to get into the details, just take it as that).

 

so i told her this, that we arent right for each other, and she initially cried. then she got real mean. real mean. then she agreed with me. then she acts like everything is fine. i told her we shouldnt be friends right now but she seems like she hasnt gotten it.

 

so heres where it stands now. she tells me she has never felt this way about anyone before. i tell heri am flattered. she sends me sexy pictures of herself over email. she tells me we should keep getting to know each other and that things are getting better.

 

now, the bigger problem i guess. i told her i want out twice now in two weeks. but if i dont email or text or call her every 24 hours, she blows up my inbox and phone. she totally lays the guilt trip on me, manipulates me into responding to her, by pressuring me with feelings like her telling me i am really hurting her not talking to her, she is crying, i am not being a good guy, and she says its something really important and she needs to talk to me as a friend and a decent guy wouldnt hurt her like this. it makes me feel so pressured and guilty if i dont talk to her. then when we talk its as if nothing happened.

 

look i see this isnt healthy and i want out. how do I do this? i want to be nice but i need to get the point accross!

 

she has been through a lot in her life and i dont want to hurt her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

also, im 29 and shes 22

 

thank you for your time!

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Hmmm..she sounds a little unstable...but she's young too.

 

Best thing you can do is be consistent with what you've said..and back it up with actions. Stop being her "friend"...that is making it worse.

She can't make you feel guilty if you aren;t talking to her. Just give her time. She'll get over it.

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The best thing to do is be honest and end it. You cannot allow her to make you feel guilty simply because your feelings do not match hers. End it 100% NC and everything that goes with it. She will more than likely go through waves of emotion, including anger. Don't feed her anger with trying to be her friend, just be gentle and honest. Guilt trips and manipulation tricks are going to come out like zits on prom night be prepared with the garlic and lock your bunny up in a safe place.

 

RC

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hey bud!

well it seems to me like you got a girl that just wont take what you are saying at face value. pretty much its going to be really hard to get the point accross without hurting her. if you lie and say you are seeing someone else, she may leave you alone, but it will crush her, and if you try to do what you are currently doing then nothing will change. Pretty much try to tell yourself that though she is hurting, she shouldnt be turning to you about it, since you are the one that let her go, and if she blows up your email, just respond with one workd answers or something, lol i think im coming off as a mean person, but its hard to not be alittle assertive without causing alittle anger, put your foot down and tell her how it is, and if she breaks down appologize, and offer an ear, but be straight with her that you cant talk to her about " you 2" cuz its like talking in a cirlce and you cant handle that....i hope this gave you one option, and if it didnt, i hope someone does get back to you!

Karam

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thanks guys. i feel so trapped. she really knows how to get to me and get what she wants. if i ignore her, i will feel like such a jerk and not feel good about myself knowing how much it is killing her. we really opened up to each other and she has been hurt before. i dont want to be another guy to hurt her. its so tough to actually do it. any tips?

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Hi there,

 

the next time she calls or e-mails, tell her that you want her to understand that this is the last time you will be communicating and that she should not expect you to reply/pick-up the phone again. Hopefully, by making this clear, she will no longer attempt it. If she does, just ignore it. You have been honest with her. I know you feel bad and but by giving in to her you are not helping her if you don't want a relationship. She will read far more into your being there for her than is true.

 

You know, if you ignore her for a while, she will begin to take your message on board. It may 'kill' her but it will probably help her to face up to things quicker. As long as she is "forcing" you to stay in touch, she won't be coming to terms with reality. You can help her this way, really make sure she knows that you won't be replying again.

 

You said yourself, she tells you she has something important to say to you as a friend and that's never the case...so don't let that trap you.

 

Unfortunately, there is no easy way.

 

Best of luck to you and please don't feel too bad. You can't force yourself to feel the same way about another person...nor can you be forced.

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