She comes to say good bye

[Snow Patrol]

Here is the link to my story:

 

 

So 2 weeks after the break up (with NC) and 1 day before she heads off on a plane to her last year of dance school, I go to answer the door and there she is. She just said she didn't feel it was right to leave without saying good bye and that if she called she thought I may not let her see me. Fair enough. But all that did is catch me completely off guard because I had so many things to say to her and clarify, but I was just too shocked initially to say much.

 

But I pulled myself together and asked her how her dance teaching was for the last 2 weeks and she said it was great and thanks for asking.

 

If you have read my story, you would know that the whole break up situation had me completely confused. So I tried to clarify things. I said the way you broke up with me left me not knowing if this was your way of ending it for good or if you really need time to sort things out. She says "I just need time, my life is a mess. I don't know what I want out of my life." So I then ask "you're confused then?" And she nods. I said that I understood and that take the time that you need but once you know for sure one way or the other to let me know. She said she will.

 

I was trying not to pressure her and to give her time but then to also get closure/get back together when she does know for sure. I got more clarity on what she is thinking but whether we get back together or not will only be known over time.

 

So it makes more sense to me now. She is breaking up with me to sort her priorities out. The one thing about her is that she is very indecisive. Her face had confusion and pain all over it. I'm sure mine did too, especially as I was caught off guard. I feel for her because we are both young and if she wants to go to Europe to teach dance there is no way I would want to hold her back. If she did go we could continue an LDR like we have been for the last 2 years but that's up to her to decide because I know how hard she finds it being away from me.

 

In a way I just wish we fell out of love with each other because then it would be so much easier to move on. But I love her deeply and am sure she does too so breaking up due to circumstances makes it so much harder because I feel like this shouldn't be happening.

[Tigris]

If she didn't have any feelings for you she would've just gone away without seeing you.

 

It sounds to me that she's realised she has to focus on her goals. By doing this she has also given you the chance to better your grades at uni. Think of this time as an opportunity to provide financial stability for your future together.

[Snow Patrol]

We go to separate universities in Canada so we had only been able to see each other a couple of times a semester. I think it's just that she realized that she finishes dance school in a year (I finish university in 2 years) and she plans to go to Europe for an indefinite time period to teach before coming back to Bermuda while she knows I would prefer to stay in Bermuda after I finish. So I think she's taking this time to decide whether to break it off completely because the continued distance will be too hard for her or come back to me committed knowing there may still be a few more years of LDR. That's what I think is going through her head.

 

My best guess from what she said to me when she first broke up with me 2 weeks ago, what she wrote in her email, and what she to said to me today. Who knows though.

[Tigris]

Don't look on the negative side. You haven't lost her yet.

 

Keep hope in your heart.

[Snow Patrol]

Thanks Tigris. I'm trying to keep a good balance of hope and trying to get used to losing her. In the end if she does come back to me committed I think it could only make our relationship stronger.

 

P.S. Btw, tigers are awesome! Congratulations on your engagement as well.

[Tigris]

Thanks for the good wishes.

[Snow Patrol]

It's been almost a month since the break up and I have been keeping to NC. There are times I wish I could tell her things I feel that she would want to know. There are times (especially when I first wake up) that I miss her unbearably. And I am still in love with her and honestly can't see that changing for a long time. But despite all this I have not come close to contacting her. She wanted space. I am giving her space.

 

She sent me an ecard today saying she's been thinking of me and wanted to know how my first week back at uni went.

 

I realize this isn't a reconciliation attempt. She still cares for me and wants to know how I'm doing and check up on me. If you know my story, this isn't the relationship which ended with us at each others throats. Far from it. There is a realistic chance that she'll sort through her confusion and come back to me. And of course she may never want to be together again.

 

With this in mind I could not be so cold as to just ignore her. That would not help me heal, I couldn't do it.

 

What I'm thinking is I'll just let her know briefly how things are going (in a couple days time to give me time to let my thoughts come together). Then I'll go back to NC (ie I won't initiate contact). If she carries on contacting me in this fashion I will have to then just tell her that I can't keep in contact with her anymore as it would be best in the long run for me.

 

For now, I just feel this approach is best. I'm pretty sure by the end of the semester she'll know for sure one way or the other. She told me that time will help her know if we're meant to be together and that she would let me know one way or the other when she knows for sure.

 

Ignoring her will just damage the relationship further and whatever chance there was of reconcilation will diminish. I'm doing my best of moving forward but at the same time, I don't want to ruin any chance of reconciliation.

 

Just thought I'd update my situation. Thanks to all those who have been following my story.

[g44]

no way...that was a great thing for u both to do...wow...congrats! be proud of that...that's amazing

[g44]

why don't u both figure out a game plan...like u can each contact each other x amount of times, and when, etc. build up that trust by making a plan together and sticking to it...good luck