My ex wants me to trust him PLEASE RESPOND :)

[shoebaby1]

We are seeing eachother (but not in a relationship) and he said that he would tell me if there was anyone else in his life at all. I also agreed to tell him, and he has never given me reason to doubt but I still feel like he might talk to another girl. I am such a worry wart! Does anyone have any tips or advice about this please.

[DBL]

Why don't you just cut him loose and search for somebody that you can trust.

 

DBL

[shoebaby1]

its just that I have trust issues anyway and I really want to work this out, I love him.

[dogheadma]

If you guys have agreed not to be exclusive then seeing other people is fair game for both of you regardless of whether or not you tell each other. You have 3 options; 1. Be ok with that. 2. Discuss the possibility of becoming exclusive, or, 3. Remove yourself from the situation. It's your call.

[Ms. Babydoll]

its just that I have trust issues anyway and I really want to work this out, I love him.

 

If you really love him and want to work things out then I think you need to learn how to trust him, there can be no relationship until you do.

[DBL]

Why do you have trust issues?

 

If he isn't commiting to you, then he is probably talking and dating other women.

 

DBL

[shoebaby1]

^ do you know what I can do to trust more with him, and relax more because I worry so much about something bad happening. One time I used his cell phone and some random text popped up and it said " Just saying hi before I go to bed" I questioned him and he said he doesn't know who this person is and the area code is far and blah blah blah" I asked him to please be truthful and he said that he was being truthful and he would tell me if he was talking to someone else. I cannot get this text message out of my head, I think I seroiusly have a problem or something!

[dogheadma]

Yeah, you should just relax and just let things take their natural course. It sounds like you really want to be exclusive but maybe he dosen't? Just guessing. Don't obsess so much. Things are still open.

[shoebaby1]

Would you guys please read my situation and tell me what you think, I am not getting as much responses in the other forum. Your advice and taking the time to read this is greatly appreciated

 

Hello, I would like to tell you all my complete story so that I can get an outsiders opinion. Here we go!

 

Me and my boyfriend started dating 3 years ago, things started out slow because I was not ready to be in a relationship at the time because I was hurt from a previous one. But my boyfriend stayed friends with me until I was ready (he always wanted to be with me) So we got together and just dated for awhile. He then moved into his cousins pool house from his moms house and I basically started coming over everyday and he welcomed me. It eventually turned into like us living together. We were together every day and spent every moment together practically aside from work.He never even hung out with his friends anymore. He then moved out of his cousins house and back to his moms and we basically lived together there still being together almost 24/7. We fought alot because I have alot of insecurities within myself, and I have been very selfish only thinking of what I want. All the time I would yell at him and it was a very bad situation. He broke up with me a few times but I begged him to stay because I said I would change and within a few hours of beggin he would take me back because he said he loved me and that the only problem we have is my bad temper and attitude.

 

So the problems kept up and all the while he is caring and understanding but I keep on blaming him for cheating and just fighting over stupid stuff and then he broke up with me in May of this year. It hurt really bad again but this time he didn't take my begging and really let me know that he doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore. We stopped talking only for a few days and didn't see eachother for about a week but then a week later I asked him out and we ended up spending a weekend together. The weekend we spent together was fun and everything and we were acting like a couple and I asked him "what exactly is this that we are doing?'" and he said "We are taking things slowly and seeing what happens, I don't think I want a relationship right now but we can hang out to see if our feelings change towards eachother". I was really confused and hurt but I just let it go.

 

The part that confuses me is we still see eachother about 3 times a week and now its almost September and spending the night with eachother atleast 2 times a week. When we are togehter things are really great but then I start feeling sad because we are not officially together ( I have a big problems with worrying) . Yesterday I brought up something that I saw in his cell phone. My cell phone had died so I was using his and this text popped up out of nowhere (I was not snooping) and it said "just wanted to say Hi before I went to bed" I was totally shocked because we had a mutual understanding that if we were seeing other people we would let the other know. He always tells me that he is sick of telling me that if he was talking to another girl he would tell me, and he expects the same from me. He has always been truthful to me as far as I know but I just felt so bad. Well anyway I questioned him about it and he looked at it like "***" and then he said this is not anyone I know, this had to be the wrong number they are texting to. He proceeded to say "this isn't even a local zip code how would I know this person"

 

After this incident I kept telling him to please just tell me if there is someone else because I don't want to get hurt, and he got mad and said this is exactly why he doesn't want to be in a relationship because he tells me something and I keep asking him over and over again. and then he just kept saying that I may end up getting hurt because he is not looking to get back into a relationship for awhile (maybe a year he doesn't know) because he doesn't even have his own place, and his own career, and he has to have all of that before getting back into a relationship, because he doesn't want to be obligated to checking in with someone when he is busy, and what he has to do. I asked him to promise me he would not see other girls and he said he doesn't need to promise me because he already told me he doesn't want to see other girls because they are a headache and he doesn't have time for that. I then asked him if he would want a casual realationhship with another girl and he said no, he doesn't want to see any other girls. He just said that he would want to be able to leave the country and do whatever he wanted without checking in with someone. He said he thought I was clear that we were spending time together to see if his feeling change and also if my feelings change about him. He said he really loves me and enjoys my company and that I am a really cool person.

 

We are supposed to be spending Labor Day weekend together and I am pretty nervouse because, I wouldn't mind not being in a relationship for awhile but I REALLY WANT HIM BACK. The reason I want him back is because he has never disrespected me, he has always been there for me, and I feel like I started searching for problems and ruined the only good relationship I ever had. He said that he saw us married before but the relationship part just makes him feel like he doesn't want to do it right now. I NEED HELP!!!

[Dateagain]

This sounds strange to me. Do you get random text messages? I don't do IM so I don't know. Trust your gut/ it is telling you something

[shoebaby1]

its telling me its no big deal but, I have gotten random text messages before but not recently...it sucks to wonder

[shoebaby1]

I need to make up my mind if I am going to trust him or not or I am not ever going to get anywhere with this whole mess.

[Dateagain]

Here's what you trust: Your gut. every time I've ignored my gut, I've been sorry I did. The gut doesn't lie. The head and... other parts... do.

[shoebaby1]

its sucks to say that I worry so much that my gut tells me its nothing and then I start worrying and I can't get through it.