Overwhelmed

[flower99]

Not sure how to start this....so let me say I'm feeling drained.

I'm a working mother, two jobs, with a 3 year old. I have a lot of friends and know a lot of people and a they always seem to need me.

I guess they have more problems in their life than I do.

I know I can help them, I generally have the patience and ears & advice or just whatever it is they need - a hand with moving, borrowing something, a bed, a place to stay....

 

I love to help when I can...but lately....for the past 3 months it seems EVERYDAY at least one person is needing something. And it's getting to be too much, I'm running out of energy.

I'm having a hard time making time for everything that needs to be done & everybody....let alone myself.

 

I've tried not answering my phone for a day to just take sometime for myself, my son & my relationship, MY priotrities! ...but than people leave messages on my work line (which shouldn't be done because, that is strickly business line not for personal calls) Or email me. There is just no rest.

 

I feel like I just want to cry sometimes. I don't get to do the things I want to do anymore...I'm to busy. Because I don't know how to NOT help someone who needs it. & I don't know how to leave someone that needs to talk.

 

Please help, I know this isn't as big of a problem as some of the other posts here. But it's draining me & i'm feeling overwhelmed. So any adivce would be AWESOME please

There are so many things I want for myself & my family..but I feel I don't get any of it, cause I'm so busy helping others. I want to help people, i believe it's a good thing to do & teach my son

But How do i limit it peoples requests?

How do I not help someone when they need it?

how do I leave someone that needs to talk?

[RelaxByWater84]

Make a list of priorities and such and follow them. If someone needs help try delegating that to your other friends. Or you could always start an unofficial help committee. One member takes care of say a place to stay and another moving that way you and your friends could build each other up. This is what is done in my church different committees for each type of ministry that way the work gets done and we are a stronger group when we work together(I know cheesy, but it works). You could maybe try that.

[Tigris]

I've been there in the past especially with my sisters when their children were happy and they needed help. I would reschedule important hospital and doctors appointments, jump in the car and go to help them, but they didn't seem to understand how much I'd put myself out to help them. I've discovered when it's the other way around I'm given advice but nobody comes to my home to see if I'm ok. I don't have a car my ex husband has it.

 

One of the hardes things I had to learn was to say, 'No!' I remember them looking shocked when I said it. I had to start and think of myself first because I was becoming ill. It was my friends who told me that I always put myself last no matter who it is and I had to change my ways.

 

I still feel guilty now and again but it had to be done. You have to make yourself your first priority. Why? Because if you aren't well who's going to look after your child? Also, you'll regret in years to come the time that was taken away from your relationship with him/her.

 

Take care.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

just say No - and you can be honest, i can't because i haven't spent time with my son, or i can't because I'm exhausted etc.

 

It's ok to say no!!

 

Especially when your own life is being neglected.

[flower99]

Make a list of priorities and such and follow them. If someone needs help try delegating that to your other friends. Or you could always start an unofficial help committee. One member takes care of say a place to stay and another moving that way you and your friends could build each other up. This is what is done in my church different committees for each type of ministry that way the work gets done and we are a stronger group when we work together(I know cheesy, but it works). You could maybe try that.

 

hey that's an awesome idea. Nah it's not cheesy But 1 problem...none of my friends are friends with eachother. most don't like eachother. But I think i have one friend that would help me do that & start it.

[flower99]

Tirgris, that's so true. I see that in my own life right now. They don't seem to see how much I put myself out to help them. And now it's affecting every aspect of my life. My relationship, my sleep, my engery.

 

You & HealingHandsWarmHearts are right I need to start saying No. It's going to be hard, i've never been good at saying no when it comes to helping others.. But unless I can get others to help me help me help them (the committees as suggested)

I'm know your right & I will regret the years to come the time that was taken from my relationship with my son or even myself & my finacee

 

THANK YOU ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR ADVICE & HELP, IT'S SO NICE TO HAVE HELP WHEN i NEED IT!!!

[Tigris]

Let us know how you're doing.

 

Good luck.