One Month Into NC...

[enolaton]

Hey guys...

 

It's me again... Almost one month NC, and one year since I was dumped. I now know that NC was the best thing for me all along. However, in this past month, I've had time to think about some things...

 

For one, I guess I'm writing this thread for some support. You all know how it feels... I miss her terribly. I'm doing better, but I miss this person that I loved with all my heart, and she is out of my life for good. I have also given some thought as to why my ex has insisted on being friends up until I told her we shouldn't speak anymore. She is now dating a mutual friend of ours, which if you knew the whole story, would understand why I was very hurt when I heard they were dating. It's almost surreal. It's like you never think someone you loved so much could do this to you.

 

The other thing I've been thinking about is why my ex maintained her wanting to be my friend up until I cut all contact. I know she cares for me. She was crying last we spoke, even after almost a year, when she knew we would no longer be speaking. But, can the dumper still feel so guilty for the dumpee after this long of a period of time, that they try to make up for it by trying to be friends? Or, is there some underlying reason. It still gets to me...

 

HOW CAN SOMEONE CARE FOR YOU SO MUCH, AND YET NOT WANT TO EVEN ATTEMPT A SECOND RECONCILIATION, BUT INSIST ON BEING FRIENDS???

 

I still haven't been able to let this one go...

[shelly7]

 

HOW CAN SOMEONE CARE FOR YOU SO MUCH, AND YET NOT WANT TO EVEN ATTEMPT A SECOND RECONCILIATION, BUT INSIST ON BEING FRIENDS???

 

I still haven't been able to let this one go...

 

I'm sorry about your situation. It is time to focus on YOU. This is HER loss. She does not deserve you feeling guilty or your friendship at this point. I'm boiling over here that she's dating a friend of yours! Her crying about the loss of your friendship is because she's feeling guilty. If you remain her friend she can somehow rationalize her behavior as being okay in her own head. Don't give her that luxury, she doesn't deserve it.

 

You need time to heal! NC is a great move for you. You will get through this and be able to let her go, one day at a time.

[25thfloor]

MAN i hear you. i've been broken up for over 3 months, and i find that i miss him terribly when i'm getting ready to go camping or a holiday weekend comes. i've been teary eyed for the past couple of days. and all he did was treat me like crap. i'm a smart girl, and i know my triggers, but nonetheless, i'm weak right now. and extremely lonely. i've been dreaming about him lately, he's usually walking away or telling me that he doesn't want to see me. i found out he hit on a friend of ours not even a week after we broke up. we need to toughen up, me and you!

[Snow Patrol]

MAN i hear you. i've been broken up for over 3 months, and i find that i miss him terribly when i'm getting ready to go camping or a holiday weekend comes. i've been teary eyed for the past couple of days. and all he did was treat me like crap. i'm a smart girl, and i know my triggers, but nonetheless, i'm weak right now. and extremely lonely. i've been dreaming about him lately, he's usually walking away or telling me that he doesn't want to see me. i found out he hit on a friend of ours not even a week after we broke up. we need to toughen up, me and you!

 

I wish my ex gf had treated me like dirt, or did really annoying things etc because that would make getting over her a whole lot easier. Good luck all with the healing.

[Rosey]

I don't really know if it makes it easier or not if someone's treated you badly. I guess in terms of not longing for them back it could help, but on the flip side when you remember them you keep remembering the painful things that happened, and questionning how someone could treat you that way.

[Midgi]

Enolaton,

Good to hear from you. I understand that you are still feeling down and missing her, but it is the best thing for you. What have you been doing this whole month?

 

It helps me to concentrate on all the things I have accomplished, since I last talked to my ex... and sometimes, just taking a step back and looking at you life objectively you can see how your life goes on without her, and appreciate the positive aspects.

 

I understand you, I will never understand why my ex is treating me the way he does; and I hope that one day he will wake up, and see how much pain he has caused me.

 

Stay strong! X

[enolaton]

Hey Midgi, thanks for looking out for me. Well, this past month, I have been looking for new employment, working out, and spending time with family and friends. Of course, there are still lonely times but, as time goes on, those periods are becoming few and far between.

 

I find myself getting better, but also hoping one day that my ex realizes what she lost in me... I'm coping with the fact that she's just not ever coming back though.

 

Well... ONWARD WITH NC!

[Midgi]

She will come back one way or another.... but probably just when you are over it and moved on! But then you have the power!

 

Always think of that x

 

I strongly believe that people only end up with what they deserve. And you most probably deserve better.

[enolaton]

Thanks again Midgi. You made me feel a lil' better.

 

It's weird though, I still want nothing but happiness for the ex, but I find myself being jealous when she is. She has a new car, new job, new relationship... and I have none of those. But, hopefully that'll all come in the future. Is it wrong of me to be jealous?

[Midgi]

Hm... I guess jealousy is weird because it always means that you cannot ever be happy with what you have.

 

I was jealous of my ex for a while, because he had a good job, earned 40k , and seemingly can survive without me. I then decided to concentrate on myself. I started in a beginners job but moved on to a wellpaid job in a global company after half a year! My ex quit his job because the stress was too much. I guess people (especially those you once were involved with) rarely tell you what goes wrong in their lifes, because you always want to give the impression that you are doing fine without the other.

[hjc]

Well I'm around 1 month into NC and it is seriously hurting. I'm feeling like I desperately want to hear from my ex but then again I'm not sure that if she did contact me that I could deal with it.

 

So I'm stuffed either way.

 

I think above all that I have got myself into an "out of sight, out of mind" mindset rather than an "absense makes the heart grow fonder" one. Bizarrely I also know that she needs space and that might mean seeing other people...and if we are going to get back together lots needs to happen. And all of it without me in the picture. But that doesn't make it easy.

 

I'm determined to stick to NC, but it is painful. I have mood swings that can shift from one minute to the next and I am not sleeping at all well.

 

Nightmare. Just posting so those of you feeling similarly crap know you are not the only ones....

 

Irony for me is that my last breakup was tough but nowhere near as tough (but then I didn't do NC and pleaded/begged) and I thought that was as bad as it got. My latest ex was so so so so os much better, so I guess this is correspondingly harder. I guess no breakups are easy but this is really shaking me hard.....

 

Hugs to all of you going through hell like me...but none of that has put me off NC. I can't wait for the satisfaction of her contacting me as I'll know it wasn't because I manipulated in any way....