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NLP to get EX BACK


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I just read an interesting post here about using NLP (google it) to get over an ex ..


another use of NLP is as a persuasion/influence style of communication. there are many workshops and seminars that teach NLP communication ... people like salesmen, leaders, politicians use these techniques all the time ...


FYI, this probably works more on women than men because women are more right-brained/emotional and females are more "linguistic" than men .. this makes sense .. think about it ... all the master seducers of the past were "smooth talkers" excellent linguists ..


ross jefferies of "speed seduction" (google it) is one of the first dating/seduction/pickup gurus .. and his tactics are all based on NLP ... his workshops and books are geared at getting laid ... but i think some of that can be taken a step further and used to seduce an ex .. or influence them back into a positive state and feeling about our relationship ..


i wonder if anyone has tried this? it would be amazing to hear success stories and strategies.


at a very high level it would involve (all this done via NLP communication patterns):


1. the elicitation of the ex's true values (core values deep down .. not fluffy stuff like i need a man who is honest .. duh, everyone says they do but what does that do for you??) .. if we are dealing with an ex or current gf, we should have a head start on this


2. being able to meet ex's core values or the perception that you meet the ex's core values ... this is manipulative. to be honest, if you don't meet each other's core values then you should not be in a relationship .. for the people involved in "speed seduction" this is ok, they just want to get the girl in bed by making her feel close/connected/intimate with the pickup artist ... but if you are trying this on an ex.. think about whether you do or can truly meet her core values ... btw, this is the hardest part if trying to win an EX back ... she left you because most likely you DID NOT meet her core values ... (that's why I asked above, this strategy needs a lot more thought if it is to work)


3. again, using NLP communication to change the emotional state of an ex .. we must lead communications so that they guide her state from comfort, closeness into fascination, adoration and ... horniness .. this can be done using patterns, stories, embedded commands etc ...


4. "anchoring" the "emotional states" in her .. so next time you want her to be aroused, or fascinated, or comfortable or (whatever state you want her to be in), you just execute the appropriate anchor to have her in that state immediately (versus long drawn romantic/emotional communications in #3 above)


5. using covert influence tactics on a day to day basis. this sounds bad, manipulative etc .. but the fact is we do this all the times! we ask our signifiant others to do things for us .. sometimes they will, sometimes they won't ... but the power lies in making them believe that they want to do *whatever* for us, or that the idea we are trying to push is really *thier idea*, not ours ... lol! ... think about all the times you've tried to argue, rationalize, "talk about" issues with your significant other .. i believe NLP gives you tools to make the influence more suggestive, and thereby more powerful ....


example .. you tell me what works better: guy sitting in underwear watching tv in winter "hey! can you get me the blanket from the bedroom??" ...




(looking at her sweetly in a particular way looking at her sweetly in a particular way (stimulating an anchor of "caring feelings" .. see above) and saying "i'm cold here.. why don't you come cuddle up with me??"


there are a few more things .. i'm very much a newbie to NLP and don't have a clue (really) .. but I'd love to see if anyone has studied and successfully used this to "get back the ex"


other points to consider : strategy to win back an ex who has started dating someone else (using NLP boyfriend destroyer patterns)


strategy of reminding ex of all your good qualities and making your bad qualities seem insignificant .. major challenge .. you need to go back and somehow reinforce the positive anchors that you subconsciously created over the past X number of years ... and even more difficult is negating the bad anchors that you subconsiously created over the years ...


other obstacles to overcome .. an ex who just doesn't talk to you anymore .. NLP techniques supposedly market themselves with things like "get anyone to return your phone calls" ... interesting, huh?


NLP isn't everything, but I think it could be a very useful tool to use in a situation like this ...

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hey heyduh!


good post...and your absolutely right!


there's alot of "tricks" that you can use using NLP:


weasel phrases (embedded commands)

trance words



eliciting values


just to name a few.


There's a few "seduction sites" out there that will go into more depth

on how to use these techniques.


Imagine how good you will feel once you feel comfortable doing these

things....now with me....I feel comfortable just talking to you about it.


(the above sentence is an example)



(aka the "cunning linguist")

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NLP is a great way to enhance communication but attempting to use it to get an ex back is very dangerous. Neuro-Linguistic Programming is a great tool for conditioning individuals as well as groups but using it on someone who is conscious that you have an agenda could back fire on you with less than desired results. It takes many years of study to perfect the proper applications of NLP and these quick fix answers to getting your ex back may amount to you coming accross as a snake oil salesmen. The dumpers are very keyed in to recognizing strategies and tactics by the dumpees and those efforts are often met with a great deal of resistance. You cannot will or con someone to get back with you and expect any long term lasting effects. Solving problems in the relationship which caused it to fail in the first place are a much better place to start. Using the TOTE, ROLE, SCORE and BAGEL and other NLP techniques will more than likely push your ex even farther away.


It's like taking a crash course in Spanish and traveling deep in to the Yucatan to practice your new found language, you're not going to fool anyone. I admire your research and tenacity but I think the "players approach to using NLP" is pathetic. Being yourself when it comes to matters of the heart is much more successful.



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I think manipulating someone into coming back to you will just compound previous problems and make matters worse. Image a year down the road when the shine has worn off and that person comes to the realization they've been in a constant state of manipulation and you're the culprit, they aren't going to find it endearing, they will most likely hate you forever. Those techniques can work for a short time only and the real strength of a realtionship comes from two people working together and caring for each other, not one party tricking the other into doing crap for them and essentially being subverted and mind ****ed. Pickup artists can excel with this junk because their goals are short term, if you want a lasting and happy partnership try being caring and not just pretending you care.

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I disagree. What is NLP? NLP techniques are models of communication based on research and study of successful communicators.


I do care, in fact the reason I was dumped was because I became the overly loving, supplicating puppy dog that would do everything my ex wanted me to do. I can say, she unconsciously manipulated me into becoming like that guy without a backbone, because I was a cool, confident and self-respecting guy before I met her. Those are the traits that first attracted her to me.


When we would argue, I communicated in all the wrong ways, whining ... or stupid emotional outburts ... just further pushing her away.


NLP seems like models (or patterns) of communication based on the study of successful people. So if I can improve my communication ... is that really manipulation?


Don't we all try to persuade our bf/gf to see things our way? Don't we all try to convince them, ratonalize, argue our points of view? I used to do all of that by whining or worse ... yelling. Maybe NLP can teach me how to communicate in a way that I can get my ideas accross predictably?


Read my first post again .. I am aware of the ethical and moral issues and I did not recommend it as some kind of tactic to [Removed by moderator] someone's mind ... I don't think NLP is about mind control .. rather making the way you communicate more suggestible ... now what is wrong with that?!

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I have both studied and taught NLP and I wish you the best of luck in the pursuit of winning your ex back. I certainly think you can help to improve your communication problems and actions in new relationships in the future with mastered NLP techniques. Trying to revive an old relationship as I said before will prove very difficult and after reading your last post, I stand by this. She seems very strong and in control.



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You yourself even acknowledge it as being manipulative, the "perception" that you are what they want is what I think is wrong. You don't try to match someone and coerce them with the idea that like goes to like. You are what they want or change to be that way for good not just to get them back. You need to want to be that way for the reason that you agree with it not because someone else likes those qualities. You say you were with out backbone before, HOW IS THIS ANY DIFFERENT? You are just molding yourself into their ideal, not remaining true to yourself. If you really want to win someone back, look at yourself first and try self-improvement, being a better person and finding and working on the qualities of yourself that YOU want to improve. You want to be happy then you can't deny yourself who you really are, placating someone trying to be their ideal mate will only leave you striving for some unobtainable goal.


Pavlov's dog is the first thing I think of reading this. You ring a bell and she jumps on your crotch? This is highly manipulative and I would be offended to know my boyfriend had "embedded commands" in me to illicit desired responses. Why not build a robot, that would save you the trouble of dealing with all those little personality quirks like free will or emotion. Better yet why not just get a puppy, they're pliable and easy to manipulate, oh wait I mean embed commands.


What, we go for the Ninja love moves, very nice. So now you suggest a daily regime of brainwashing your partner into to being your slave, what ever happened to doing things for yourself?



Why not just say please?


Better yet, get your butt up off the sofa and put some clothes on?


Why cheapen love to a process, would it even be love then? Would you really like to tell your kids the story of how you won their Mom back to involve things like "covert influence" and "embedded commands"? How romantic.

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i agree. if the person only sees what you are doing as manipulative, there is nothing u can do because that means she has lost trust. sometimes people do do these things honestly but it takes two people to want to view life in a positive way.

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