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All my life I've been wrong, why should this be any different?


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I warned my sisters 2 years ago that I thought I was bi to give them time to adjust. I got divorced when I realised I was a lesbian and fell in love with a wonderful woman who lives in Austrailia. We've been together unfortunately I had to return to England. It kills us being apart!

 

My 2 sisters were talking to me about my lesbian relationship. They want to know why I'm getting married and not just living together. 'Haven't you had enough of being married?' said one. 1st marriage lasted 5 years and the last 14 years! I'm already in the wrong because they're still on their 1st marriages.

 

Can't they get it through their thick heads that we love each other?

 

They're also complaining because I look more like a man than I did before because my hairs even shorter. Actually it's a number 2 on the sides with the clippers and a number 4 on the top. My whole family have always made comments about the way I dress and how short my hair is. I was sick of hearing my father saying it that I turned around one day and said, 'Tell you what Dad, next time I get it cut I'll get them to save it, and I'll give it to you for a transplant.' He's never mentioned it since because he knew he was treading on thin ice.

 

The youngest sister said, 'Why do you have to be the butch one? It wouldn't have been so noticeable if you were the girly one!' I told the two of them, 'This is the way I am now and you'll have to get used to it.'

 

Neither of their families are coming to our wedding next year. I was very upset. One of them will be on holiday in Florida for 3 weeks so that's understandable. The other one doesn't want to have to explain to her 9 year old son and 7 year old daughter why 2 women can get married. Plus she doesn't want her rich in-laws knowing about me.

 

She thinks it's better if they all stay away. I could've easily explained to the children that it's a special wedding for 2 people who love each other, but can't have children together, or something along those lines. I've always dealt with the awkward situations in the past with my nephews and neice.

 

One of those situations was when my nephew asked about the 'machine' on the wall in the ladies toilets. All I said was, that sides for men and ladies when they get married, and that sides for ladies when they get poorly tummies. He asked, 'Why do ladies get poorly tummies?' I told him because ladies can't have babies all the time. 'Why?' 'Because years ago before Grandma and Grandad were born ladies did have babies all the time, and they weren't supposed to, and they died.' After that he was quite happy.

 

I told my sister what had happened and then I said, 'By the time he gets to 8 you'll have to tell him about "he birds and the bees" then what are you going to do?' She smiled and said, 'I'm going to send him to you because you're doing such a good job.'

 

My fiancee and I are both disappointed because we wanted my 16 year old nephew to be my Best Man, my 9 year old nephew to be ring bearer and his 7 year old sister bridesmaid. fluffy_girdlebuns (Fiancee) says she's upset because they've hurt me deeply.

 

I told them they're all entitled to their own opinions.

 

If the situation was reversed and I wasn't happy I would put my feelings to one side and attend because I'm loyal to the family.

 

If they're not there then it's their loss not ours. We'll still have a great day without them because we'll have friends there who are happy to celebrate with us.

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You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family. It is unfortunate they have that attitude but nothing will be achieved by trying to force the issue. Give them some time, they may come around. If they don't, you'll have to accept that some people are more closed minded than others and try not to blame them for that, it's driven by their environment, nothing more.

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I'm happy the two of you are getting married (where will you live?), but sorry about your family issues. Although it would be nice having the family present you might want to remember that it's a happy day for the two of you and it is your day. People who really care will come.

 

What kind of annoying is that your sisters have this false idead (that many have) that one person must be male and the other most be the female. Both of you could be feminine or butch or whatever.

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I'm sorry to hear about your family's attitude, but you are happy without them and that is a bonus. Of course, it would have been better with them involved, but you have done the right thing, and that is to honour who you are. It is a shame that we gay people have to suffer, but that is the reality and fortunately for you, you have found somebody to support you through this.

 

Good luck with the wedding! And Australia is a lovely country.

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Just because you felt that you were wrong about things in the past does not mean that you are wrong now or even in the past. Relationships change because people change and sometimes people grow together and sometimes they grow apart. It sounds like this happened with your marriages. It also sounds like you had some unexplored areas within your sexuality and it takes guts to pursue that (being with a woman).

 

I'm sorry that your family can't accept that you are in a relationship with a woman and will be getting married to her. Maybe they will come around and maybe they won't, but if they don't then that is their loss. It might be fun to have a wedding somewhere exotic and fun with just a few good friends and some family...something to think about. I tend to think big weddings are over-rated. Then again, the whole being married thing does not sound appealing to me.

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