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NC Healing


GH2001
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I have been using NC with a co-worker just to heal since August 14th (17 days). 11 months ago I fell hard. I am married and she is as well. We both have 2 kids each.

 

I just wish she would go away, find another job, get out of my life. Nothing has ever happened between us except her flirting that made me fall in the first place. I never wanted this. She has hurt me so much without even knowing it. I confessed my feelings in February.

 

How long is NC supposed to take? How can you do this at work when you can literally hear the other on the phone and see them pass your cube? Jobs are hard to find these days. NC hurts so bad. She has ruined nearly a year of my life.

 

I need some encouragement.

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Oh wow, you're in a tough situation! This is why I vow to never date anyone from work! Hmm do you have any vacation days left? If so I'd recommend talking like a week off and go on a vacation with some friends or something. At least it will get you away from her. Or maybe you can try to get another position in another dept so you won't have to see her so often? But I know that might be kind of tough to do. I don't think there's really a *set* time span for NC . . . you take as long as you need to heal and forget about the person, everyone's different.

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It is killing me today. I am not able to do my job. All she has to do is walk by my cube and I die. 11 months of this... There have been several weeks in the past 11 months where we have been apart for a week so the vacation idea only brings temporary relief. (I say we, we never dated, I had not intention of dating or even going out, we are both married with 2 kids). This is as horrible a thing as has ever happened to me.

 

How do you get over someone that you see nearly every day?

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I know exactly how you feel. My story paralells yours. Its not easy to find a new job in this job market. The trick i have been using is LC. Just take things slowly one day at a time. When i feel really low and very sad, i just get out and take a walk. Trust me, i do a lot of walking lately. Like you i have a kid too. I try to spend a lot of time with my kid. Adjust your timings to work at different time where the chances of seeing the other person is very miminal like come in very early and leave early or whatever works for you. Use head phones and listen to music while you work to avoid her voice. Face away from the entrace of the cubicle. That way, you dont care who walks by. Avoid all the areas the co-worker visits. Park the car on the other end, take another entrance and exit to the building, eat lunch with friends at different time. This is day 7 NC for me. The first few days were worse. Lately iam not crying all that much but i do feel sad. Hopefully things will get better soon.

 

I know its very hard, but i hope you will figure out a way to not see or hear her. I know iam trying.

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I am doing those things. It does sound like we are living parallel lives. The headphones work great.

 

The tough part is coming home. My wife and I were having problems before this happened, probably for the last seven years but it really became intense about a year ago. I was able to forget about those problems because no one was messing with my mind. But when this woman started messing with my mind by flirting it became really obvious to me that I had problems at home. My wife and I are in marriage counseling now.

 

It is true that this woman should not be flirting. She has a lousy marriage as well.

 

I will start a job search in two weeks if things don't start to get better with NC/LC. I just really can't stand it anymore. I am on day 18 of LC. I have tried twice before and only made it 14 days max. I can't fail this time.

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sorry to ask such a dumb question, but what does NC mean?

personally if she was flirting with you, she shouldn't have b/c it's wrong and she's married.

 

What happened to your wife? You still love her? put a pic on your desk to remind you of your kids, wife, and marriage

 

NC means No Contact. It is a way to heal by forcing yourself to stop building new experiences. To me it seems that NC increases the thoughts. Has anyone else had this happen? It is like an itch you tell to go away without scratching it. It just keeps bugging you until it drives you insane.

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NC means No Contact. It is a way to heal by forcing yourself to stop building new experiences. To me it seems that NC increases the thoughts. Has anyone else had this happen? It is like an itch you tell to go away without scratching it. It just keeps bugging you until it drives you insane.

 

Cutting ties with a person is sometimes like shaking an addiction. Instead of a sunstance though, it is someone else. Yes, NC does cause you to think more, it does cause you to want to hear them, see how they are doing, dream of getting back together... etc.

 

However, once you get through that hump, it is onward to healing. With LC, you never allow yourself to get through that hump. The craving starts and you cave immediately. So, you don't get to the stage of really intense missing... going through the pain... because everytime you want another hit... you get one to avoid withdrawal.

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When you get through it all... then you can look and see if you even want to be friends. You may be surprised.

 

I can see that time coming (when I don't lament the loss of a friend). I think what she did to me at a very vulnerable time in my life (my wife was four months pregnant at the time when she really turned on the flirting), just to satisfy what she was missing at home was horrible.

 

It has actually been a bit entertaining to watch as she has tried to say hello to me racing by my cube as seen through my peripheral vision. I have the headphones on and cannot hear her coming. She had a real concerned look on her face. The look was the polar opposite of what I saw the day that I decided to go LC / NC which was a casual, "Oh... Hi" wave when I told her good morning on August 14th.

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Well,

 

I guess I need to pat myself on the back. The NC/LC is continuing and I do believe it is helping. I have reprogramed a lot of my thoughts at this point. The prevalent thoughts right now are, "She was never even that good a friend", "She wanted to define the friendship", "She was insensitive", "I don't need another watercooler friend", "She is not and never was that 'into me'"

 

I should not get pleasure out of this (it is guess is a sign I am not able to fully perform NC/LC) but she will still walk by and look in the cube. Just yesterday, I was facing out looking down at my file cabinet and she said, "Hi There." I do not return the glance but I gave a flippant "Hi" to be "nice".

 

I know what she wants. She wants things to go back to the old friendship. She wants the complements. She wants the emotional uplift that her husband does not give her and I can't. She does not know how bad she hurt my family and I. In a way, I don't think she cares.

 

She is d-y-s-f-u-n-c-t-i-o-n-a-l !!!! I bet she doesn't think she has done anything wrong. I guess I should have some empathy but that would only lead to breaking NC.

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yeah she is dysfunctional..she's seeking attention from other men instead of working out her own problems at home. Just say you feel sorry for her husband that his wife is out there trying to seek attention from men outside her marriage ( add that to your list).

 

if she cared how much she hurt ur family and you, she'd stop doing what she did, but she didn't.

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yeah she is dysfunctional..she's seeking attention from other men instead of working out her own problems at home. Just say you feel sorry for her husband that his wife is out there trying to seek attention from men outside her marriage ( add that to your list).

 

if she cared how much she hurt ur family and you, she'd stop doing what she did, but she didn't.

 

Absolutely correct! Keep it coming. Today is getting rough. She was laughing and kidding around with another guy today here at work.

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haha the guy is her next victim...it's true! or you can think how childish it is to act like that. A married woman like her is out of line. We know someone like that who flirted with married men and single men while she was married ( her marriage ended though). My mom embrassed her and asked her if this new guy was her husband b/c she was flirting so much with him haha. Imagine the awarkness..

 

but you know just think about other things, like your job, your kids, sports. It helps take things off your mind. Find a hobby, like golf or something, so you'll have another passion that you'll be estacted about

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change your life or routine or lifestyle because you might see or bump into her. don't hide and just do what you would normally do. if u both happen to be in the same place at the same time, just be polite and go about your business. if u both work in the same area - get used to it. u shouldn't have to change jobs just because a relationship ended. give it time and it won't bother either of u.

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Well,

 

I am on day 36 NC/LC with the woman here at work. For some reason the anxiety level is really high. If it were like this every day, I would have quit my job a long time ago.

 

My life just seems like such a disaster today. I can't even identify why I am anxious. I don't think I even like her anymore but the feelings of attraction are still there. It is just such a confusing and heart wrenching feeling.

 

Does it ever get any better?

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